hokay. normally, as i am very superstitious about EVERYTHING i would think that in this case, i shouldn't say anything because i might jinx my life & god knows it's been hard enough up until now. but i'm kind of longing for someone's advice & unfortunately, my friends & family just aren't very supportive of this & they aren't going to like it.


last night i was at my boyfriend's house & we were dozing off & he rolled over to face me & said "hypothetically...if i were to save money up & buy a ring, what would you say?"


i must have had a shocked look on my face because he said "hypothetically, i mean."


i said, "i would say that i hope if you did that that you would mean it & that you understand that if i did something like that, i'm only going to do it once, & by once i mean..."


& he said "yeah i know, once & it lasts forever, i feel the same way."


& then he kissed me & rolled over & went to sleep.





now: background? i always just kindof assumed i would never get married. my mother was married twice & twice got left with two little kids to raise. both men were good fathers to me (i love my dad a lot, but my stepdad was cool too) but they ditched my mom & neither tried to work anything out. i've seen few marriages around here last & ialwys just thoughtit waseasier to live together because if something really went horribly wrong you don't have to deal with the legality of sorting everything out. it scares the hell out of me.


BUT. i love eric very much, we've been through some really tough tough times, & somehow everytime we wind up back together & we're always able to work though whatever the problem was. my parenst & family & friends don't like him very much because they don't think he treats me right. but i am happy with him, he makes me smile & laugh & all that mushiness. he's been after me to marry him for the entire time we've been together. but he knows how much it freaks me out so he usually just teases me by calling himself my husband or changing my last name to his.


so what do i do? i mean, he DID say hypothetically, but he's pretty transparent, he wouldn't have said anything about it if he wasn't going to do it. i'm not scared of losing my family & friend's support if this happens; (i know they wouldn't like it)i'm just nervous in general. maybe i'm just asking for a "it'll work out fine" kind of response? i don't even know, i know i want him, i just am a little jumpy about it!





oh god i hope i didn't just jinx my life. feh.