Afraif of what exactly?

[2jo2]

I'm sitting here thinking about myself and wonderinghow exactly my phobia is defined. I know this has been brought up many times, but what specifically are you afraid of? For me, I don't just get nauseated and think I'm going to be sick. I can tell when I have just a gut ache and when I have pre-v* nausea (even tho I've not been sick in MANY years) and when I have intense hunger..... so I'm not afraid of that chain reaction. What I am afraid of is another person being sick, with me being near them, having to hear them and touch things they've touched, sit by them, leading to a wondering and waiting, not knowing if I'm going to catch what they had, which leads to awful nausea and then being sick. I guess when I think of it, it really is the not knowing and the loss of control on whether it will/will not happen. I think I would much rather be sick than just be nauseated. I can't believe I wrote that, but it's true. It's the actual nausea that I hate, the nausea that doesn't go away no matterwhat positionyou lie down, the waiting for the next time you v*. My point to all this is maybe if we all pinpoint specifically what it is that we are afraid of, we can get closer to controlling the anxiety that comes with it. You know, don't be afraid in general of all things v*, contain it (for now, until we get stronger and can work on that specific anxiety) to this specific thing and I'll bet we get alot of our lives back. Just a thought. Anyone else?

[sweetfreak]

I know exactly what I am afraid of. I am afraid of not being in control of my body and it's functions. Honestly, diarrhea (sp?) terrifies me almost as much as v* does. I am also afraid of choking on food and of others choking. When I am around someone else who is v*ing or choking on food, I feel helpless because I feel that they are not in control of their body and it's functions as well and there is nothing I can do about it. At one time, I was afraid of orgasms because again, I have no control over them.


Sometimes, when it comes to your body, you have to relinquish mind control over what it does, and let instinct take over. That is what I have a problem with. I hope this made some sense. hehe

[Babydoll]

i know what you mean as well.


I'm scared of even having an orgasm, becuase i dont know what my body will do. Ive never had one because of that. sad, isnt it?

[sage]

Wow - afraid of orgasms. Unreal. (I'm stunned) Lemme tell ya - nothing bad ever happened to anyone during an orgasm. Orgasms don't "make your body" do anything except experience extreme pleasure. You don't even have to worry about screaming or moaning or tossing about - that's all up to you anyway. You can actually experience orgasm without your partner even knowing (although I'd suggest trying it by yourself first, which would probably be easier and less anxiety-inducing).


ANYWAY, back to what we're afraid of - good question. I wonder if you could "catastrophize it" even a little more. You're afraid of being near someone who's sick...so you will catch it...so then YOU'D be sick...then........??? what??


THIS is the question people really need to explore. What's the next thing in the sequence?Maybe:
<UL>
<LI>I'd be embarassed</LI>
<LI>No one would ever speak to me again</LI>
<LI>I would never be loved by anyone ever again</LI>
<LI>I would be alone forever</LI>
<LI>like a child left in the woods alone, I would DIE</LI>[/list]
OR
<UL>
<LI>I'd just vomit and DIE</LI>[/list]


NOT - right? Once your brain really "clicks" that there's NOTHING in the next step except it would be over and then you get on with your life, then you will not be phobic anymore. Even if you're embarassed it's not like zillions of people on this earth haven't been embarassed by something before - they still lead happy, hopeful lives and lots of people love them. They don't DIE.


This exercise is really helpful if you can write it down and look at it. Give it a try!

[roslynn]

SAGE...I HAD TO LAUGH AT YOUR COMMENT ABOUT THE ORGASM...I COULDNT AGREE MORE HAHA!. THATS NOT TO SAY I DONT FEEL FOR BABYDOLL, BECAUSE I DO. IM YOUR AGE AND I READ ALOT OF WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY. YOU HAVE ALOT OF IN SIGHT WITH THIS PHOBIA WITHOUT A DOUTE. I HAVE COME ALONG WAY SINCE BECOMING A MEMBER..WITH ALL THE SUPPORT YOU AND THE OTHERS OFFER. IM ON THE SIGHT ALOT[img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img]


THANKS GUYS SO MUCH!

[izzybee]

sage that is a great realisation question thing. (do you mind if I show it to my therepist?) I am afraid of the fear mainly. Well I fear thaughts mainly. So I worry about things before they happen and worry about might happen. When it comes to v* myself someday (which will happen!) Although I WILL BE SCARED AND TRAUMATISED FOR A FEW DAYS!, the fear probably wouldnt be as bad as I wasnt fearing something that might happen. hmmm I dont know,


I also dont understand what I fear about others v*. The fear of myself only developed withing the last 2 years but the fear of others has been wiht me from an early age. I think with my fear of others its more of a control thing, I fear that as I have no control over other people that they could v* and I wouldnt know if they were going to or not. hmmmmmmmm I am really interested as to how I got this phobia and just everything about it! I think that it has been a huge part of my life that I would actually like to know more about it as I know very little despite living with it for 15 years!!

[hippychick]

I Totally understand the orgasm thing!!!!!!!


I really do! I have such difficulty giving up control of my body whether its for pleasure or not. Thats where my Emete comes from too. I have controlling issues, i think its because a lot has happened in my life I was not in control of so i feel the need to try and control other things. Although why it would have to be V* i would try and control I don't know!!!!! And the more i feel my life is going nuts and not right and out of my grasp and control the worse my emet gets.


And the orgasm thing, Up until the last year or so I could never have an orgasm, I would always get to the brink and then just could not give up the control (TMI here??) I know that its a fun thing, and I know some people won't get it. But I felt like i had to be in control of my body and during Orgasm you lose that! Luckily as my emet has got better I have learned to relax a little and I can let go a bit more now!!!


Yup that was possibly to much info, but I AM a control freak lol So glad I am getting past it though!

[roslynn]

OH , I HEAR YA ...IM A CONTROL FREAK AS WELL! AND THAT HAS ALOT TO WITH EVERYTHING.

[sweetfreak]

hippychick,


I totally understand where you are coming from. That is the way I used to be. It took me awhile, but I did get over that particular control issue. [img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img]

[Babydoll]

I dont get why Im afraid to orgasm. I dont let the control issues take over my life too much, but it does interfere there. I mean, what happens when you loose control? maybe i might have female ejaculation, or pee in the bed, or do something really wierd. I just cant seem to get past that part. its like a mind block.


sorryif its TMI,I tend to be open about these issues, which is why I'm confused this happens to me. I'm willing to try almost anything, I enjoy everything that comes with it.Edited by: Babydoll

[2jo2]

Sage, to answer your question about the next step in the sequence... I'm not afraid of being embarassed, but since I haven't been sick since I was a child, I guess I can't say for sure, but that's not the feeling I have when I'm panicking about getting sick. I just don't like to have nausea and feel that way, having no way to make it feel better, not knowing when it's going to get better, etc. As I'm writing this, I understand how silly it is to be afraid of something that hasn't happened. I used to be afraid that I wouldn't know what to do, that since I"d not been sick in so long, that I'd forgotten how to be sick. It 's probably really the fear of the unknown. You know, people who are sick alot, they do it often and can have that feeling of it close in memory, but when it's this awful thing you rememberas a kid, youdon't have anything recent to tell you it's not that bad. It's interesting how everything is cyclical and does all come back to me and it being about what will happen to me. I'm going to have to mull this over for a while.


I think the orgasm thing is the fear of letting another person that close to you and seeing you losing control. I completely understand.

[HDogg]

I think my next stage in the sequence is actually fear of dying. I could care less if I'm embarrassed--I pee and poo with the door wide open if it's just me and hubby at home. I burp and fart with the rest of 'em. I've tripped and fallen flat on my face more times than I can count on both hands. My stomach's growled loudly in a silent classroom, etc, etc, etc. But what I can't shake is the fear that I won't be able to stop. I'm scared I will choke and die. I have heard that a single vomit can last 20 seconds. I am not good at holding my breath. I'm scared that I will puke and puke and try to take a breath of air and choke from it. I shouldn't be afraid of dying, because I feel confident in my faith. But I think I'm just more scared of the dying process itself. That's what it all boils down to--losing control over my body and not being able to stop once I start, and dying from it.


As far as orgasms go, I can see where you all are coming from. I don't have a problem with this area myself, but I can see why you do. I get scared that I'll pee in the middle of one, too, so I always make sure I empty my bladder (sorry, TMI) before I "go atit." But orgasming is one of the incontrollable things thatdoesn't scare me at all. And, in a way, you can control it. I've been able to control the length--humans can stop in the middle if you have to. It might hurt a bit (female equivalent of blue balls), but it can be done. But Sage is right, experimentwith yourself a little bit first. It will probably help. Good luck acheiving theBig O! [img]smileys/smilies_02.gif[/img]

[2jo2]

I have the same fear of the choking, I just remember being young and that was the worst part, coughing and choking. Not the actual act itself.

[Jenneh]

what sage mentioned was something my social worker spoke to me about.


she gave me a "dysfunctional thoughts table" so tht when you panic, you write ur immediate thought " i feel sick, what if i v* and die?" for instance, but then you follow it on with ur after-thought after u've thought about it LOGICALLY. like "if you v*, it gets cleared up and forgotton, theres no way you can die" you know, that kinda thing?


it does really help, its what lessened my phobia to such a degree. im no longer plagued 24/7 by these irrational thoughts. i really think maybe i shud sumhow i get a copy of this tble onto here? to see if other people wanna give it a go?


what do you think?


Jen xxxxxxxxxx

[Babydoll]

i think thats a great idea jenneh! i would love to try that out on here.

[Jenneh]

ok, will get it copied up and on here as soon as i can.


Jen xxxx


UPDATE: you'll find it under the treatment section. if neone knows an easier or more prctical way of transferring it to you lot, please say Edited by: Jenneh

[Callum]

The unable to have an orgasm thing - suddenly it all becomes clear. I've obviously slept with a number of girls who have emetophobia like me and I didn't even know.


Amazing.

[sweetfreak]

Hehe Callum [img]smileys/smilies_02.gif[/img][img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img]

[ChippedAway]

I don't care about being embarassed, I fear the actual act. Maybe because I haven't done it since I was such a tiny kid. I honestly wish I could, with whatever illness I get so nauseous to the point of my mouth watering and I've got my head in the toilet and just wait for it to come, but it doesn't happen, and the nausea just stays. I'm still afraid of doing it, it really terrifies me, I can't even IMAGINE doing it at all. I don't know how to do it anymore... sounds weird.


My doctor is shocked that I haven't vomited in years, with my stomach the way it is.


Now orgasms are wonderful

[pippi]

2jo2...My fear is the nausea more then the v also! Although other people V makes me freak because I'm afraid that I will catch it then I will feel like that.

[freakazoid]

In response to Sage's line of thinking...I'm currently doing emdr therapy, and my therapist thinks, I'm 1-2 more sessions away from not needing to meet with her. Anyway...I think the thought process of "what's next" really helps.


I've sort of gotten myself to the point of...I've lived for 40 years, while I have seen people randomly "throw", it has not been at all that much. My personal biggest fear is when I travel, and having the person sit next to me do it, and having to sit with them the whole flight (control). Anyway, I rationalized that this has never happened to me. OK, if it does...what do I do? I've sort of gotten to the point of...well maybe I help them (control for me). Also, I have my bag of tricks (as my therapist calls them). I have noise reducing headphones, and I have settled on a scent that is clean and that I can open up and smell to get "the smell" (this is the killer for me) out of my area.


So, I really do think if you bring yourself down the road of "what's next" and realize that you can deal with it, you might be one step closer to dealing with it.

[2jo2]

Pippi- that's EXACTLY how I feel. It's the fear of having the uncomfortableness of feeling that way!


Freakazoid- I'm a planner and to see your reply stuns me that I never thought of that. I love to have plan B so I'll never be surprised, so if I just think of the next step in the sequence and plan the things I am afraid of, there should be less anxiety! I love that!

[sage]

Great responses and great discussion on this thread. Babydoll - go ahead and give this to your therapist (maybe leave out the orgasm bit - lol).


Those of you who responded - I'm worried about this, and then I worry about that...try catastrophizing it instead. Assume the worst will happen...then what?


Heather:your catastrophic thoughts make sense (in explaining the phobia - not in logic - lol!)The thing is, does what you fear ever happen?Start reading the obituaries (honestly) and see if you can imagine how many people have died from vomiting. In fact, how many people start vomiting and can't stop (I believe the answer is - none.) Go to a hospital emergency ward and ask one of the nurses how many people who aren't busted up in accidents or on some drug die from vomiting. The answer will also be "none". Vomiting and choking isn't possible either, I'm pretty sure. I have only ever heard of very very sick, weak people vomiting lying on their backs (not able to turn to the side) and choking to death. So it seems like if you're not on your back unconscious, you should be ok, right? If you can rationalize it a bit more, then maybe that will help.


Jenneh - I couldn't open your document on the other thread.

[Jenneh]

Damn Sage... know of ne way i could attach it here again?


Jen xxxx