this will be long but please read it, i need any advice i can get:


i've been with my boyfriend mike for three and a half years and about two years ago, he cheated on me with his next door neighbor. it broke my heart but i forgave him because i knew he was sincerely sorry about it. it was so hard to get over it, considering they live 20 ft. from eachother, but eventually i did. maybe i'm just making excuses but i almost feel like the situation brought us a lot closer in the end. things have been fine since then; we argue from time to time but who doesn't? i've been having a lot of issues with my friends and he's been there every step of the way. he went to cancun in mid-april with his friends from school and i wasn't worried at all. to be honest, the thought of him hookingup with somebody elsenever even crossed my mind. i'm not really a pushy, needy, whiney person, so i didn't give him a hard time or question him when he got home. on memorial day last monday, i went to a bbq at my friend dans house and dan's older brother jason let it slip thatmike met some girl on the dance floor in some club, and ended up hooking up AT the club in front of hundreds of people (they did more than kiss, not that that matters) and jason tried to justify his huge mistake by saying "well mike was really drunk, he barely even remembered the next day..." then he begged me not to tell mike that he told me, and that he didn't mean to let it slip, and i was in such shock and so angry that i didn't say anything. (i've barely left my bed in a week, couldn't even get the energy and will to come here and type this!) this past friday night, i was hanging out with a guy, rich, thati've been friends with for a while and has openly had a crush on me since we were little kids. i don't know what came over me, but we ended up spending the night together. i cannot even tell you how guilty i feel. and i know i shouldn't, mike cheated first, but two wrongs don't make a right. my mom and my best friend think i need to talk to mike and tell him that i know everything, and naturally they want me to end things with him. i just never, ever thought i'd be without him. i have never been this confused in my entire life. i can't stop crying and i'm making myself feel n* over this whole thing. things just don't feel right with him anymore, i can't even look at him without wanting to die, and he has no idea. and to make matters worse, the time i spent with rich (the other guy) made me forget everything else. it was truly the one of the greatest moments of my life and it just felt so natural and like this is how it's supposed to be. i really don't know anymore. i know i need to talk to mike i just don't know what to say. you'd think i wouldn't be so afraid to talk to the guy i've been with for over three years.well, thanks for reading this, and if you have any advice, please share with me! i am just so lost.[img]smileys/smilies_09.gif[/img]


Kristina <3