Feeling down and discouraged

[alwaysamber]

My heart is filled with much sadness as I sit down to write this. It has been an awful day. My partner was off today from work and wanting to get out and about. Despite how I feel I usually always go out since we don't get out much with how difficult this pregnancy has been and my anxiety. We didn't have anything real planned out but I had to pick up my contacts then we would go from there. As most times I was feeling anxious and panicy. I always voice when I feel that way. Didn't get the best response back however. He seemed very agitated and said "I can't go anywhere without you feeling that way!" I said I was sorry but since being pregnant it has become a lot worse for me. I had him run in to get the contacts and while he was in I took a small piece of Xanax so I would be able to get through the day. I really did not want to ruin it for him....his birthday is tomorrow. He does not like me taking the Xanax but I know me and my body and I think that sometimes it will be best then getting so worked up and panic. You know this is where it gets me....when he met me I was NOT near this bad with anxiety and or panic. It was very well controlled so this is all a bit new to him. Nor was this pregnancy really planned although very welcomed. I did not know what I was in for when it came to MS, coming off of meds that weren't safe for pregnancy, and at the time living at his parents which made it all that much worse, also parents recently divorced. I have come to find since being on with this group and other groups about emetophobia that I cope rather well compared to a lot of people. I luckily got help at a young age and to my knowledge have it very mildly although being pregnant has really brought it all back up to the surface. Some of you talk about things that worry you or you avoid when you know someone has been sick and I have never even thought of those things. In fact on one site I am on I have tried to help others and a lot of them have asked me if I was cured. No I was never cured but I cope rather well. I'm not OCD and don't take many precautions compared to most. To be honest I never really worry to much until I have been around someone with a sv. Anyway my point being that I am proud of myself and how far I have come. It has NOT been easy. Then to think here I am pregnant and really struggling and he has NO patience with me. So many women wouldn't even leave if they felt they would be sick or where having an anxiety attack. Not me though I carry on and try my best to get through what he is wanting to do. I just couldn't believe the things that came out of this mouth. One of my biggest fears as of now was being in the middle of a movie(in theatre) and feeling really sick and needing to leave. I haven't had to deal with any of these fears for awhile because I have done so well....all until getting pregnant. Being pregnant like I said brought all this on and very strongly. But no I went out to eat at a buffet and went to a movie with him. I take a lot of precautions now that I am pregnant and one of those being not to put my fingers in my mouth if my hands aren't clean and I keep trying to enforce that with my partner. He is good about it most of the time(not as much as me) but while in the movie theatre I noticed his fingers on his lips and asked him to not do that. He freaked out and said "you bug the hell out of me sometimes!" This really hurt and after all the comments he so freely said today I was WORKED up. You know he said all you do is sit at that computer on your emetophobia site...blah,blah, blah. THIS REALLY HURTS and I find it really rude! I go on these sites to better myself and be of help to others! Pregnancy has not come easy to me. It honestly has been the most trying thing I have been through yet and trust me I have been through a lot. He went on in the car how I don't give a crap about our relationship and how I ruined his birthday...its not even until tomorrow. I can't tell you how much sadness this brings me...sometimes I just want to crawl in a hole and die. I want this baby more then anything and h

[californiagirl]

I'm sorry you're so sad. I know how you feel. I was abused in every way possible by my first hubby. My current hubby started out being a "knight in shining armor", and now he is depressed, with an anger problem. I try so hard to do everything perfect so he'll approve of my actions, but it never fails, I ALWAYS do SOMETHING wrong. I just roll my eyes now at his reprimands. BUT, it's the names he calls me and things he says when he's mad that make me sad. Somethimes I feel like just putting a knife through my chest because he gets me so sad, mad, and frustrated at the same time. After he does this, I react by crying then he rolls his eyes at me, tells me how stupid I am, then informs me that the conversation is over. So, I'm left behind to hurt, with him not allowing me to reciprocate! I'm sure your situation isn't as bad as mine (hopefully), but my advice for you is to try to clear your head and decide if he may change. If not, can you deal with your sadness for years to come? Can you two communicate, and will he listen to you if you explain that this hurts you? I hope that there's hope for you two, especially now that the baby is coming.

[alwaysamber]

Oh not near that bad. He is very patient usually and does so much for me. He does not physically or mentally abuse me...just says some hurtful things when he is mad. I love him to death!! I think he just gets overwhelmed at times. I know it must be hard for him but he needs to always be real considerate with me being pregnant and trying to get through this all with the anxiety. Thanks for sharing your story.

[californiagirl]

People can get fed up with certain things, then get to a blowing up point, unfortunately. If he knew just how hard things are for you, especially being pregnant, it sounds like he wouldn't say certain things to you. You are lucky to have a great man in your life, but no one is perfect, and with that being said, just try your best to block out the harsh words and remember that people say things under pressure. I am trying the sane thing. Hubby and I talked, and I threatened to leave if he doesn't actually try to stop his behavior. Good lick to you, and please have a safe pregnancy[img]smileys/smilies_02.gif[/img].

[taracordero]

Oh, amber I so know where you are coming from. I will tell you my story and you will feel MUCH better about yours. I know how scary is to be pregnant and have anxiety and emet. I got pregnant after a very stupid night AFTER me an my ex-fiance broke up. At this point he was sleeping with another woman ( i did not know) and living with her. I should let you know that I think he was undiagnosed bi-polar becuase he had horrible mood swings and was a very hurtful, evil person. I told him I was pregnant then he proceeded to try and move in with me ( he had no job) and still see his girl on the side. He has a history of never keeping a job , always mooching off of me and his mom. Anywho, when i told him i would not stand for his behavior and has a tantrum and left me by myslef good and pregnant. Then he completely ignored me through the whole pregnancy (he moved to Gerogia with this other girl, she was 20 yrs old, divorced with two of her own children). THEN, he got her pregnant as well. I will say that I love my daughter with everything but this pregnancy was not planned. This may be TMI but basically, he neglected to "withdraw" when I told him to make sure he did and that is how I wound up pregnant.


Anywho, after 9 months passed by he shows up on my parent's doorstep (where i was staying) with his newly pregnant girlfriend (they are married now btw) and DEMANDED to see his child. Then came the real fun. First he tried to say the baby wasn't his then threatened to take her away from me. Even after all of this I let him see her at my house, but i refused to let him take her anywhere. Some people thought I was being a b*tch, but he had panic attacks that made him pass out and he actually did it behind the wheel ad crashed his car. So , I refused to let her go. Plus he was very manic. Anyway, long story short he has moved away and tried to sue for custody ,then he lost interest and was a no show at a hearing and the case got closed. There were a few phone calls in which he was extremely verbally abusive. He said, "whats the big deal you only had a baby?!" , called me a whore and fat and all kinds of other fun things. At the same time my parents were also very nasty to me, my mother was constantly calling me a whore and how she wishes she never had me, etc. ( for the record, I was with man for 4 years, hardly a whore) I beleive this is when my anxiety and worse emet kicked into full gear and I have not been the same since.


Your partner does not sound nearly that bad, so I would sit him down and talk to him about your fears when both of you are not riled. Just remember that it can always be worse (this is how i get thru the day) and your man is GREAT for at least sticking by you in the pregnancy. But I feel your pain and you do much better than me, i just don;t go out. Keepp forcing yourslef to go out so you don;t wind up a hermit like me , LOL.


Hope this helps a little, sorry so long. Anytime, you have any preggo questions, feel free to PM me!!

[alwaysamber]

Thank you for the posts. We are fine now, we talked. He is soo good to me..nothing like your stories. He is very supportive...works full time and lets me stay home while pregnant. He is the best thing that ever happened to me. Just was a bad day. He is more then I could ever ask for. It just gets difficult being pregnant and not getting out much. Im thankful I don't have to deal what you guys have been through. Sorry to hear you having to go through such an awful thing.
Amber

[pinupgirl]

Hey Amber,


Sorry I am late posting this! I am happy you spoke with him and got everything resolved. I know that both sides can get frustrated at times in a relationship. But it sounds like you guys communicate very well, and will be just fine..


That is so great that you have overcome so much with this phobia! Good for you!! You sound like a very strong person, and I am sure you will make a great mommy. Dont let your pregnancy get the best of you, you are doing great!

[valkyriegrl]

It's great that you guys seem to have worked things out. I think sometimes that men don't seem to know how to handle the way we can act while pregnant. Up until I was about 3 months along with my second child, I cried all the time, for no real reason, and that mademy boyfrienduncomfortable. He stayed out a lot with his friends, leaving me home alone for hours and hours at a time every day, which in turn made me cry more! He was not very nice to me and when he was home, he would yell at me for silly things like not doing the dishes, for example. Every day when he came home from work I had to have every room in the house cleaned to a shine and dinner ready and still hot when he walked in the door. I was so emotionally all over the place and I was desperately trying to please him to the point where people would have to kick me out of the bathroom because I would spend so much time in there scrubbing away. The real kicker is, when he got home he would still give me hell, saying "You probably sat around all day and started cleaning an hour before I got home, you're lazy." I couldn't please him no matter what, it seemed. I think deep down he was mad at me for getting pregnant, I don't think he wanted the baby at the time. After my daughter was born, however, it was a total changearound. He doesn't care if I clean every dayor not now, if I don't have dinner ready he makes his own, he's a great dad and plays with the kids and takes care of them.We spend all ofour free timetogether now, and he treats me how he always did before I got pregnant.


I have read statistics that say that a lot of men inexplicably start behaving like this when their wives are pregnant, sometimes to the point where they'll start beating them when they never showed any aggression towards them before! You're very lucky to have such a good man, hope things go well for you from now on.