Worse than ever

[HDogg]

I feel like I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I can't function anymore. Ever since last Monday's near-v* experience, I haven't been able to calm down at all. I can't eat (very much, anyway), can't sleep, etc. I panic constantly now and feel like I desperately want to quit my job. Since my near-v* episode happened in the bathroom at work, I'm terrified to go #2. I hold it in in agony for 8 hours until I get home. Even walking into the bathroom makes me sweat and shake and instantly panic like a madwoman. This is rididculous! I can't believe I'm phobic of pooping now. Nothing helps me relax. Not even alcohol helps anymore, so it's pointless for me to drink it. I can't sleep without popping a Dramamine or two. I'm eating them up like candy now.


It's so quiet and lonely in the office by myself. I pace the floors back and forth all day long, having at least 3 panic attacks during that 8 hour period. And eating lunch scares me to death. I can't believe how bad I've gotten. I am desperate to get to the doctor, so he can give me some meds and some strong tranquilizers. I feel like I'm about to lose my mind! I can't take it anymore!!!!!!!! [img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img]

[just sue]

Have you talked to your boss? Is there any way you can take a week off - even without pay?


You're so obsessed with what happened that you've come to fear the workplace as that's where it happened. Are you seeing a therapist at the moment? Can you talk to your doctor? Tranquilizers can and will help, but shouldn't be depended on. You need to control the fear in your own mind - yes, I know it's difficult but that's where the help of a therapist comes in.


Look on the plus side - you had a near v experience, yet you're still alive and still functioning and was it REALLY as bad as you think it was? Really? If so, then you have to take steps to help yourself [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]


Hope you're feeling better soon

[crazybeautiful]

Have you made an apointment with your doctor? Man I hope thingsgo well for you, you sound so distressed.


I didn't see your story of near V*...what happened? Are you okay today?


Please keep us updated! <3

[Jenneh]

im so sorry to hear ur having such a hard time, as was previously mentioned, maybe time off work would be good for you... to get urself back on ur feet again...


Jen xxxx

[e-lizabeth]

okay, i totally missed something...what happened on monday?

[Galadriel]

Hey Heather!


Man, Im sorry to hear things are so rough right now. It sounds like that experience really shook you up and threw you for a loop, which is very understandable. Maybe your doc can give you something for awhile, just to help you get thro this. Geez Im so sorry Heather, dont give up! Keep postin here, and tell us how your doing. You've got my IM, so feel free to IM me if you want!

[Galadriel]

Heres a link to what happened last monday to Heather....


http://www.emetophobia.org/forum/for...sp?TID=908&amp ;PN=2

[crazybeautiful]

Thanks!

[2jo2]

I was wondering the same thing as e-lizabeth. What happened Monday? Was it that bad that it made your emet even worse?


I hope you're doing better. Sounds like you should probably see your doctor, maybe he/she could give you some anti-anxiety meds to take the edge off.

[HDogg]

I'm still doing pretty bad. I don't know what is causing me to be worse than ever. But this is the lowest and worst my emet and anxiety attacks have ever been. It was even this bad when my panic attacks first started 4 years ago and I didn't know what they were. It must be some kind of unresolved issue I'm having and don't know how to deal with or something.


But I finally found out that our new insurance plan does partially cover visits to the shrink. So I got a number for a local psychiatrist's office. I just can't wait to be put back on drugs. I can't take it anymore. I seriously feel like I'm losing my mind. This has to be stopped before I start thinking about harming myself or something drastic. [img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img]

[2jo2]

I feel for you, I think we've all been there, so I know exactly what you're talking about. When mine were at their worst, I felt like I just wanted to die. The antidepressants I got took a while to work, but I got anxiety meds to take the edge off, I hope you find something to help.

[Jenneh]

HDogg... harming urself is not the answer as im sure ur well aware. its very responsible for you to try and get some help before it gets to that stage... before u feel lke doing nething stupid, come on here first and talk about it, same goes for all of you.


i hope things start to look up for u soon.


Jen xxx

[Melikasa]

Things WILL get better hun. If you can get the help you should get it. If you were on meds and are off them now I am sure that once you are back on them again you will find that things will get a lot better again.
Always remember that harming yourself will never accomplish anything. I remember my lowest point. This was before I realized and accepted that I was suffering from anxiety and phobias. I ran from my boyfriend of the time in my barefeet through VANCOUVER at NIGHT!!. I was so tired of it all that I wanted something to happen to me. I even thought about starting to smoke and drink. I never did. I couldn't make it through the first cig and I felt to stupid going into the bar with no shoes and a face that had obviously been crying. I got home with shards of glass in my feet and cuts and blisters on my heals. It didn't help anything in the end.
Get the help you need hun, get the meds you need, and know that we are here to help you and be there for you when you need.

[Misha]

Heather, I'm so sorry things are so bad for you right now. I've been there recently and the best thing I did was start therapy. It has calmed all those negative voices that were causing me to get deeper and deeper into feeling hopeless and afraid I'd do something drastic. Abouttwo months ago was one of the worst times of my life and when I look back I realize that I thought I'd never feel better, but I do. Sometimes it takes time and faith. If you have hit bottom then the only way to go now is up. I'm so glad to hear you have coverage and can see someone and get on meds. Please let us know how you are doing. We are all always here for you to vent to and if you want e-mail me, here is my address: [email protected] . You can type out all your frustrations and fears and I'll listen. That helped me a lot, just to be heard and told I wasn't going crazy. Hang in there, this rough spot will pass soon!


xoxoxoxoxoo
Misha

[HDogg]

I appreciate all your kind words more than I can say. Well, I do have good news. I had a pretty panic-free weekend. There were a couple of times where I felt a little bit anxious, but it was like a 2 or 3 on the anxiety scale and it disappeared after a few minutes. I just want this low point in my life to hurry up and be over. Just a few weeks ago, I was feeling positive and ready to kick emet where it counts, but then one little setback sent me into a spiral of depression and fear. But after having a fairly peaceful weekend, I'm in a little bit better spirits. I'm still seeking out a therapist and meds though.