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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    United States


    Is there anyone out there that is in a successful marriage (and has
    been for a while now) that could lend advice? How do you know he is the
    one? I always wished for that love that you just can't get over. I
    thought I had it but when we seperated I got over it and quickly too!!!
    And now I'm with someone else, and I love him, but it is not the insane
    love I had for the first guy. This one is more like we just are and we
    have always been and I wish I could do it forever kind of love. But
    what if it isn't and if it doesn't work out I just get over him too and
    find some other guy? How do you know? Is there any way? Everyone is
    always divorcing. I scarcely know two people who aren't, and those that
    aren't but have been married for 5 years or less don't really count I
    think cause you don't really know where that is going to go... I miss
    him when he is gone, we don't argue unless it is something really big
    and that is very rare, I respect and admire him, I wish for his
    approval and I want to make him happy. But hey, I think if I recall
    correctly, I felt just about the same about the other guy (except for
    the respect, admiration and aproval thing cause he was kind of a
    loser). But I do recall thinking that he was the one. And now that I'm
    not with him I realize that he isn't. I try to listen for that little
    voice inside your head that tells you what is right, and the only thing
    I hear is that it would be a good idea if I got a better grip on myself
    (such as my phobia and a good idea of the next step carrier-wise) but
    doesn't say anything bad about him at all. I am so confused...

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2004


    I'm not married, but have been with my partner for nearly six years, have known him for around twelve years and have been engaged to him for about four years! Anyway here's my take on things...

    There are no guarantees with any relationship, but it sounds like you pretty much have an ideal partner there.

    I have always questioned my relationships as after the first six-twelve months the fireworks, intense lust feelings kind of disappear somewhat and are overtaken with a more comfortable, less in-your-face love. I hope I make sense there! I always envisaged thatwhen I found my ideal partner, that the way you feel at the beginning of a relationship (full-on, intense, want-to-rip-their-clothes-off-all-the time, and wanting to spend every moment with them) would remain the same for years and years. I just don't think that's the case. The longer you are with somebody for the majority of people the love grows but the lust fades.

    I know I want the man I'm with now to be the man I spend the rest of my life with. When all the madly-in-lust feelings disappeared I did question why and was that because I wasn't with the right man, but thinking about it whoever I was with it would follow the same pattern, it's just the progression of love. I know he'll always be there for me, he makes me laugh and makes me feel secure and safe, I trust him more than I have another other person, we hardly ever argue, I still find him really attractive (even though I no longer want to pounce on himas soon ashe walks through the door, lol)... I know what I've gotwith him is as near as dammit and I'm very lucky.

    It's sounds like you have a similar thing to what I have and if I were you I'dhold onto this man! If you didn't respect, admire or look to your ex for approval like you do with your current fella, that's a lot missing from a relationship, so no wonder you were able to get over the break-up pretty fast!

    Just my pennies worth - hope it helps!

    Fall seven times, stand up eight.
    - Japanese proverb



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