Been Away

[gubba]

It has been several months since I was here last and I was an avid reader on this site as well as posting a lot. I have been away and gone to therapy which has also been amazing and truly helped in where I am today.


I am 41 and I had suffered with this phobia as long as I know. I have a son who is 4 and I WILL NOT let him be like I was and so for that reason, I went to my MD who directed me to someone and without drugs, and in a short period of time I have come a long way and I want all of you to know that it can be that way for you as well. If I could help each of you the way I have been helped, I would jump into this computer and go into each home. My son deserved to have a mom who did not freak out and panic and run with every cough, cry, wake up screaming etc.I never would ever want anyone to go through what we have all lived and certainly not my child. Truth have it, our anxieties are transferred onto our children, not in a necessarily genetic form, but by the way we react and respond to situations. The same way we get glad about sunshine and rainbows and they get that response as well, they also know to freak out if we do it. I knew this was the case when my childs pediatrician told me to calm down when my son was V*ing all over the place one night from coughing and it was a constant 45 minutes of non-stop V*. I was at the Dr. the next morning with him and I was so nervous that I was shaking. The Dr. sent my son off with the nurse and sat me down alone to explain to me that I needed to get help calming down or I was going to drive my son nuts. That did it for me. I saw my Dr. the next week and went for therapy. I had never been before and I was a bit nervous at first and certainly not sure how to handle this, but I went and I learned more about this phobia in one session than anyone could imagine. It is not unlike other phobias and this man made me realize that my life has been so based upon this phobia that I have yet to live. I am 41 and that was a horrible thought. I wanted to enjoy my son's life and I love my husband dearly and I wanted to be able to do everything with a FREE feeling.


Three weeks ago, my son had a terrible SV and it lasted for 5 days. I took him to the Dr. finally and they explained that it was almost over but that something terrible had been going around and it took about 5 days to run it's course. It was heart wrenching to me to watch my son feel so awful for so long and it hit me once it was over that I had handled this with little to no fear. I did not make my husband come home, I was calm and I did not panic. I figured if I got it, I would survive it and I did not worry. I took him to the pediatrician on a Monday morning at 10:30 and I would never have gone at such a busy time with all those sick kids. I did not even think about the idea of timing or anything that would have been an enormous factor months ago. I watched a kid V* in the waiting room and while it was not at all pleasant, my son and I looked the other way and continued our conversation. Life goes on!!!!


I do not believe anyone can ever be totally cured of any phobia that takes so much of our mind space, but I did learn that if we fill our mind space with things other than this phobia, it can get better and it did. I have 3 new hobbies that I would never have done before and I do them regularly. I keep busy constantly and it is difficult to say this, but some of the time, this site can fuel the fire, so not being here has also helped.


I know this is a long post, but if I can get to where I am today considering where I was, we can all do it. It is a fear of the unknown that we all have and not knowing if or when we might be sick is not a way to go through life...it isn't living, it is existing.

[nd0829]

Thanks so much for that post. I am new to the site and I'm glad to know there is hope. Every since I found out the name I have been on the phone every single day trying to find the right counsler and hypnotist. I love you last line because that is what I have been telling my family I want to get help and Im excited now I know a few ways to go about it but its the fear of the unknown now that im scared of. Im actually scared of not being scared. So weird. I'm 25 now and I have been this way for about 20 years so basicly my whole life. And I dont want to ruin any more of it. Thanks for the engourage ment some of us need the reassurance sometimes.


Nina

[curly wurly]

I am really pleased that you are doing so well and it sounds like you handled your sons sv so well. This sort of post gives me hope and positve thoughts. I also worry so much about passing this phobia onto my children. They don't need to see their mummy getting in a state each time I think they may v*. They need me to stay calm and help them when they are not well. I feel so guilty that this phobia does effect my whole family and I feel like the timehas come to try and do something about it. Thankyou for sharing your success story. It isalways greatto hear about people having successful therapy.

[kate1966]

I am so happy for you Gubba...you sound so positive and uplifting with your story. I too believe that we all can let this phobia run our lives...i have let go alot, and just tell myself that whatever happens happens, and there isn't anything none of us can do about it. It's hard to let go of the fear, but like you said, we are not really living, we are only existing and being a slave to this fear, which really sucks...i spent probably 13 yrs living like a zombie, but i am not anymore. In fact I have started doing things i would not normally do, as in going out to a club with friends that drink, and i even drove them home and they were all drunk, and it didn't even enter my mind about v....but we all just had a good time. So, it's all in the attitude i believe, but it takes courage to move forward. But congrats to you...and trying to do better for your son...that's what really counts here...being strong for our kids. And not passing this on to them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am proud of you!!!!!!

[curly wurly]

Thank you once again for this post. For a while now I have felt like it is time to face my fear and try to,learn to cope better with it, but I always seem to have some excuse for putting off making a doctors appointment. When I did make one I got nervous and cancelled it, but your post has just given me the final push I needed. I have made a doctors appointment. It is not for another month as my doctor is away on holiday. I am already nervous about it, but I keep telling myself I need to do this for my family. I have nothing to lose, but so much to gain.

[gubba]

Do it!!! You will never believe how much better things can be. I have been able to do so much more and I have not had any drugs or hypnosis or anything other than some great motivation and a great therapist who literally told me that this is not something that he can fix, but he can help me to do it. He gave me so many wonderful ideas and he made an enormous difference in my life. All that said, I must admit that I do not know where my phobia began. I had a great childhood with fabulous parents who treated me like a queen and still do. I was never abused, never hurt and never had any other real problems in life. I know many people on here do. I do not have any type of eating disorder and as a rule I do freak out when I hear about V* and I may not eat as much just from that nervous feel I get, but not from fear of V*ing it up. i would almost rather have food to V* than to have an empty stomach. Anyway, after talking to the therapist for even one session, I realized that this phobia did not choose us, we chose it and we are punishing ourselves, not the phobia punishing us. We let it control us and if we focus on something more important and let this phobia take a back seat in our minds, we can be BETTER. Once again, not cured, but better. I can say that I get scared on occasion and then I stop, focus on something much more pleasant and I get involved in something that takes focus and I move on. I have seen so much imporvement and so has my husband, my childs babysitter, my parents, my friends that I talk to and even my childs Dr. noticed an improvement.


Prior to telling my MD this past March, I had never told a sole about this fear since I thought it was so crazy and I did not want to be locked up for it. Since then, Ihave learned that it is kind of a silly thing to fear and certainly one that we can avoid a lot if we don't think about it 24/7 which can be done if you don't know about each and every single time someone's next door neighbor's friend in 12 states away got sick. It just doesn't hit any single person that often and to spend all day every day fearing something that may be bloody awful when it does happen, even if it is once a year, which it is not for most of us, is silly thing to worry about. I needed to move on and I was so ready to and I am so glad I did.


CURLY...DO IT. You are tough and I know from your old posts that you can do this too. Don't freak out when you find out that it won't go away totally..but we can be better and I know because I am!!!


My son goes to camp now and he had never been away from me. I stuck my elbow in V* at the swimming pool the other day and I did not even go crazy. It was on the table and I set my arm down, my dad laughed and then I laughed too and I went over to the pool, got in and flet like that was cleaning me off. After that I laughed even harder thinking about how mad I would have been if someone had V* on them and then gotten in the pool. Oh well...I promise, if you can regroup, refocus and move on, you can find a way out of this fear.

[jodi054]

well done you !!

[peachykeen]

*coming out of hiding to reply to this post*

Gubba, I hope you don't mind my saying this (I'm sure you won't
*wink*). I came on the site just now for the first time in months as
well, just because you told me you'd posted this and I wanted to read
it and reply. Yes, we know each other in real life everyone, lol! But
I just wanted to show my support to you - I think you handled your
sons SV beautifully! Even while it was actually happening and we
talked on the phone you just didn't sound panicked or upset....you
just dealt with it. It made me very proud of you.

It's been months since I've been on as well, pretty much the same
story as gubba, doing therapy, changing habits.....I'm also seeing a
huge improvement. My older daughter had mono in April and May,
and was a very sick little girl. I dealt with v*, d* from antibiotics,
and many other nightmare-ish things in the process, the worst of
which is happening right now - my daughter is loosing her hair
because of it. And I can honestly say that I'd deal with the v* any
day than watch my daughter lose her hair. Point being, I discovered
that there are many things that can happen with illness, many of
them much more unpleasant than v*.

I suffered a sv myself over Memorial day weekend. While I didn't v*
I was very close to it for several hours. Yes, I still fought like I
always have, but I wasn't freaking out while I was doing it. I didn't
come here, I didn't call anyone....and never really had the desire to.
Truth be told, it wasn't that bad. I mean, it wasn't fun, feeling so
rotten for hours and hours, but I lived. Worse things could have
happened. And if I'd have v*d I'd have been ok with that too, I
think.

I've taken up many hobbies, much like Gubba. It's been fun, going
through this process of bettering my life with someone else. The first
few months, when we'd talk on the phone it was Just about our emet,
nothing else. Now we hardly ever talk about it, except for "what did
your therapist say" sort of stuff. I'm proud of how far we've come in
this, and I've gained a true friend in the process.

There is hope everyone!! If you're really willing to change you can
do it!

[babygap5]

Hey Gubba, Peachy, I to am doing great. I stopped coming here a few months ago and I also started therapy. Beating this phobia can be done, we are proof of it. I just came back from a cruise that I was excited to take but also scared. But, you know what, I SURVIVED!!! Yes it made me feel better that there were hand sanitizers everywhere, but still, having 3,000 people all confinded on 1 ship for 7 days was scary, but I made it through.


This site helped me through several tense moments and I appreciated everyone's advice and caring nature. I have to agree, when you focus all your energy's on something, that something gets maxnified 1000x. So, you know, what, I focus on the positive things. If someone was ill over the weekend, I take the time to inquire how they are feeling and offer support to them, not to help reassure myself that i'm not going to get it, but to actually offer support for them. In the past, I would pump a person for info just so I would know what to expect if I was unlucky enough to catch it and then I would start the dreaded countdown of days. So much energy wasted, so much life missed. This fear is no different than a person's fear of flying. Think of how many places a person doesn't get to see because they are scared of flying.


Life is to short to waste time worrying about the unknown. I've learned how to cope w/ germs. I've accepted that if I get sick, I get sick, worse things in life can happen to you.


I encourage all of you to keep a positive outlook. Try really hard to beat it, don't let it control you. Gubba and peachy, I wish you continued success in your defeat of emet.


Judy

[silver]

Thanks all of you for posting...It brings real hope to think that we can manage this fear. It may never go away totally, but then again what problem in life actually does? I think that emet is a bad habit...we have let ourselves continue to think so negatively, we aren't living and its sad. Because of your post, I have decided to go and get help for myself with a counselor. I had been putting it off because of the cost mostly, but it is worth it to have some sort of life back. I think of all of the time wasted worrying and it makes me sick. Thanks again for the Hope...

[tayda]

It's really nice reading about how others have gotten help and made progress. The first few months after I found this site; I was here ALL THE TIME! However, then I also got help, and am doing very well, and have come on here more lately.


I'm really proud of you two, and I hope everyone else can get help with the same amount of success

[gubba]

JUDY...I am so glad you went on the cruise. I have been so far out of my old comfort zone recently and I love it too. I went on a cruise many years ago and I really did not like it, but only because it was around hurricane season down in the Bahamas and I was waiting to get wacked off the boat. I liked it, but never have felt the desire to spend the money to go back. I will say that doing the things that we felt were so off limits before, almost makes you feel empowered. I want to prove to myself that I can do the things and that nothing will happen. So far, so good. Life has so much to offer and I know I will hit a slump at some point and I will have problems, but for almost 2 solid months, I have truly LIVED.


PEACHY...I am overly proud of you. Your situation with your daughter being so sick was amazing and I may never have told you, but you not only dealt with V*, D* and who knows what else, but you took care of a baby at the same time and dealt with all of it. That is incredible. Just know that you can handle anything, even when it is rough, just know it will pass and you can do it.

[tcsarah]

It's great that you have been doing so well and coping with your emet. I'm sure your post will inspire and bring hope to many readers [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

[shiva]

This is the kind of thread I love to read. You have completely made my day[img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img]

I am so happy for you and your story is quite the inspiration. Thanks for sharing.

[kimmyc24]

Wow! As the others have said, all three of your posts have been seriously inspirational! I was seeing a therapist for a while (CBT) and it was starting to work and I could feel how my way of thinking was starting to change, and I was starting to have more logical thought patterns etc.


Then I missed one appointment (and didn't call to say why) and because I was scared about being moaned at by her, I have never arranged toset up any more appointments.. But I think now that I see that there is hope after therapy, and you 3 are living (and I mean LIVING) proof, that I should swallow my fear and just phone her to set up a few more sessions.


Thank you again, its so refreshing to read such positive posts!! [img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img]

[gubba]

I can tell you this...the therapist did make me realize that I was living way under my potential and that the amount of time spent worrying about being an EMET was wasted time. He told me that if I did actually V* it owuld take no time at all and the time spent worrying about whether I would or not was time I could spend developing a great hobby. I took his advice, and I was amazed and how much fun it was to try things way out of my comfort zone. I ate at restaurants that I would never have eatten at before. I did take note of the ratings on the walls and some were lower than others, but I did it anyway. I ate new foods and now I have even returned a few of the places a 2nd and 3rd time. I feel like a whole new world opened up. I still wash my hands before I eat, after using the bathroom and that's it. I took the GERMX out of my purse, but it is in the car. I just wanted to stop being a freak and no one could do that but me!!!


I love this site and I gave money to keep it running, but I can't read all the posts about how sick everyone is. We are exposed to crap every single day and we don't even know about it. Stop reading about people 1000's of miles away who know someone who may have an SV. My gosh, people V* for so many reasons and we have spent our lives wondering if it was an SV. It is time to stop and channel that energy into making your life better instead of reading about things that make it worse.

[silver]

I really enjoy this post because it is so positive. I think that everyone here is so tired of being this way, but yet we seem so attached to the feeling...NOT being this way is the unknown and scary thing. Maybe I am just totally speaking for myself here. I work with women all day long and help them to change their patterns of thinking as far as work is concerned and try to teach them the power of change and then LOOK AT ME!! I feel like a total phoney...You get to the point with this fear where you are so tired of it, you will do anything to make it better...this post as well as Sage has given us the guidance that I think we need to do it. I know that my reasons for not going back to my counselor have been...1. I am afraid of her thinking that I am nutts. 2. The monetary cost. 3. I guess just shear embarrassment!! I am sooo full of excuses, but this post made me realize that it can get better, but nobody else is going to do it for me!!

[gubba]

Silver...I admit that I too was afraid the therapist would think I was nuts, so I put it off for so long and when I finally got the nerve to tell my MD and she did not laugh or even look like I was standing there with 3 heads, I decided that a therapist would either say "Oh no...you are crazy" or embrace my unique fear and try and help. He took it as a challenge, but admitted that he had not ever heard of it before but it is like any phobia and they treat them all the same.


I was terrified of the money since our insurance did not cover it. It was pretty expensive, so I did cut to the chase and told the guy that I could not afford therapy forever and I truly felt I was there for a specific reason. He asked me day one about my childhood and he saw that to be very normal and pretty picture perfect...it was and I miss being a kid as I watch my son. Needless to say, we did not spend a lot of time wasted. He assured me that I would get better and I told him not to blow smoke up my A**...if he could not help, I needed to look further. He promised me that I would see changes after 4 sessions and I did. I stuck with it, did what he said and I feel a tremendous amount better. I would have spent far more for the results that I got, so make certain that your person really thinks that they can help and not waste your time and money.


Finally to cover the part about your embarassement...Well, I too was very worried about that and truthfully, how does one get to 41 years old, work in retail for my whole life since my parents owned the store, graduate from college and lead a normal life on the outside and live a hell inside and have no one know. I have a son, a wonderful husband and how could all this be and have me be so weird??? The therapist told me that so many people have phobias and that this one is just funny almost verses freaky. I liked that answer. I began over time to think it was funny too and now I think it is funny, not freaky....Being sick is scary no matter who you are and V* won't kill us, it just scares us. It's o.k. to be scared, just don't let it ruin your life.


Another long post, but hopefully it will make you re-think the therapy thing and realize that you can control how long you go and if it helps, even a few sessions, can make a big difference. Make certain to tell them that your insurance doesn't cover it, and they make it a normal price.

[peachykeen]

Well said Gubba!

I have to comment on the embarassment factor as well. I knew that
I was ready to start to fix this on the day I realized that I just wasn't
embarassed to talk about it - I just needed help. That same day I
started calling therapists and was just so straight up about it - "I
need to see a therapist, I have a horrible phobia of v*ing and need
to get some help before it ruins my life". And I didn't give a crap
what the person on the other end of the phone though.

The more people that I talk to about this, the more I'm finding that
every single person has some "thing", and that overall people are
very understanding. My therapist has a thing about mice, my
husband about spiders, my mother in law about heights. Everyone
has SOMETHING, ours just happens to be v*. The reaction I get the
most is "wow, that must suck", then they go straight on to talk about
THEIR OWN phobia. Trust me, everyone is so wrapped up in
themselves that our phobia isn't a big deal to them. Yes, sometime I
run into someone who will look at me like I've grown a third head.
Oh well, their problem, not mine.

You'll all see I posted a few days back on this thread. That night my
older daughter did it - she woke up after an hour of sleep whining, I
took her outside (she's 2) and she v* on the sidewalk. I started to
freak out, took a deep breath, and said aloud "I will freak out for 5
minutes then I will let this go". So I freaked out, then stopped.
WORRYING ABOUT CATCHING SOMETHING ISN'T GOING TO STOP IT
FROM HAPPENING!!! So why worry about it?? I just put it out of my
head, cleaned her up, she said she felt fine then, so we took a walk
with the kids in the stroller. And you know what - she was Fine! I
didn't freak out all evening, I didn't come here, I DID call Gubba, but
only to laugh about how a conversation we'd had only an hour before
came back to haunt me. That was it. No lysol, no obsessive
handwashing, I scooped my little girl up and loved her and kissed on
her - I just didn't care. Every time my mind would go towards my
old habits and worrying I had to stop myself and say out loud (yes, I
really say these things out loud, lol) "If I become ill from her I'll have
a few hours of uncomfort and being miserable, but then it will be
over. I'll be fine." And I just let it go. I have to - for my kids and
for me.

I feel very lucky to have made the progress I've made. I feel
blessed to have made the wonderful friend I've made - proof that
good things can come from even the worst of times. My life and
attitude are looking up - and I'm looking forward to enjoying my
time, instead of worrying it away.

You all can do this!! If I can make improvement from where I was,
anyone can. Believe in yourselves, because you truly do have the
strength to do this!

[gubba]

Peachy...Thanks and you are so right. Every single person in this world had "SOMETHING" that is their thing and as bad as this "THING" is, I'm glad this is the worst of it.


I wish that there was a person that could help all of us...that person would make a fortune, but the truth is, we are "that" person that can help us. No matter what we do, or who we go to, it all boils down to us needing to reform our minds to think more rationally and you know...it will never be easy when we are hit dead on with it, but I can say that I do not think about it constantly anymore since I keep very busy doing things that I like that are new and fun. I even enjoy my husband and son more and that in itself is so great. My son told me this past Saturday that he felt sick and I got a little nervous and then I redirected him and we worked a puzzle, read a book and went outside and within 1 hour, he had forgotten that he did not feel well. He was eating and playing and acting normally and I just kept going. It is hard, but overcoming this is not easy when it has been such a part of my life for 40 years.


WE CAN ALL DO THIS....!!!!!

[nash]

I have been an observer of this site for a while now and I never wrote before. This topic is a real inspiration. Thanks for writing down such great stuff for the rest of us to read and I for one will try these techniques if they will help.