Friends and Emets??

[katiepool129]

I'm just wondering if anyone else is finding having friendships as difficult as me? I haven't told my old School friends about emetophobia (i am at uni now so i dont see them often) they think its an anxiety problem i have, but i haven't told them that its emetophobia, i'm ambarrassed and afraid they'd think little of me or not beleive me or something. Then i have a couple of new uni friends and one of them knows i have anxiety problems but i think i am near telling her about emets....but i'm not sure. Then i have a couple of new friends i have made who don't know much about me at all and i decided to lay my cards on the table with them from the start and told them about emets - one was really supportive and said that she herself has had anxiety problems and the other told me she couldn;t relate to me as she hadn't felt like that at all befor but said that it didn't bother her and that it wont change anything so that was nice. Whats bothering me the most is telling my old school friends, i am so scared to. We used to be so close at school, always went out every weekend and always knew what each other had been up to, always knew the latest gossip, so its been weird leaving school and going to uni and not doing all that, feel very distant from them now. The main problems is that i can't go out at night, especially at the weekend incase there are drunks around who might be s*. But there is something also about just being with them that makes me nervous and i cant put my finger on it. Anyways, that wa a long post but any suggestions or help or even if anyone wants to post about their own friendship experiences with emet, thatd be great.

Katie

[samara's on tv]

Well you don't seem to be outspoken like me, cause almost as soon as I meet someone I tell them about my emet. Not because I just blurt it out or something, don't get me wrong I'm not shouting it from the rooftops but usually when I meet someone new they ask me if I want to go out to eat or something like that. Then I always say something like, "Sure but I'm not really hungry" and then they push the issue and it's the only thing I can think to say to explain it.


I remember with one of my friends (Before I knew what this phobia was called) I didn't eat out with him, I would go to resturants with him but I would never eat anything. I would freak out around food and not touch a bite. Finally about a year later I found out what the phobia was called and I told him about it. He laughed (Not at me) and said that it made A LOT of sense. The most he's ever seen me eat is half of a burger from my favorite resturant on my birthday. Other then that he hasn't seen me eat anything else. He tries to get me over it, really he tries and I love him for it. He always says, "So what if you v*? Then you V* and it's over that's it." He also says things like, "I've eaten out at resturants most of my life and have never gotten food poisoning." He claims that the only time he's ever gotten FP is from someone actually at home preparing his food wrong.


He's the best friend I have and although he tells me I'm crazy (Jokingly) he has learned to put up with my emetophobia the best he can. When he asks me something like..."Why don't you ever [blank]" and I said, "It's cause of my emet" he just nods, he understands to the best of his ability, god bless him for that. But I've never met a person who laughed AT me or didn't believe me. And I've told A LOT of people, random people, people I just meet, it explains my odd behavior. I don't hide it but I can understand why people would think it would be embaressing...I guess I'm not the best one to give advice cause frankly I don't give a flying rat's patootie what people think of me.


Sorry for the long rambling post.


~Monica

[spilled_milk]

I'm extremely outspoken, just like Monica! My friends all know that I have emetophobia, (although not all of them know to what degree, or have seen me have a panic attack before), and almost every stranger I meet knows that I have a "thing about illness". One thing i do find is that I couldn't tell many people that I had a specific fear of v*ing, just of illness. If I told them I was afraid of v*ing, some will feact well and some will look at me like i'm a crazy person or tease me about it.


So, I guess it really actually hasn't affected my friendships at all, except to possibly give me some support from my really aware friends when something happens.


<3 Anya--

[maria_g]

I am currently having more and more anxiety problems when im around with my friends and am constantly trying to hide them. Sometimes I wonder how i cope with all this but maybe i don't after all.


Im from malta and there's this place where we go to bars and nightclubs. I've enjoyed it these last two years but this year my emet has worsened due to my falling sick last winter and I am not enjoying this place anymore. There is v*, lots of it,in the streets because young people drink too much. But, what's worse, is when one of my friends drinks too much! A couple of them really like to drink, and sometimes they end up sick in the streets, with me and and a couple of others to take care of them. Last time it happened, i ran away from them. And I can't not go out to this place, because this is where my friends go to, and it's the only place of entertainment for young people like myslef in Malta.


And this wk end... we hired a farmhouse. They cooked pasta with white sauce and they had had a bet they threw pasta and sauce and eggs on this particular friend of mine who had lost the bet. I had just eaten and they made a disgusting mess, which looked like.. u know what.. So I went away, trying to deal with a panic attack, having brought no medication with me. Only one of these friends knows that I have emetbut I don't think she realises that it's so serious. I can'tget myself to tell the others, they joke and tease so much that they might laugh about it.

[katiepool129]

I don't know how you do it. Sounds like the ultimate nightmare situation for me. I've managed to tell alot of friends about it which has helped, some have taken it well and are really supportive but others haven't been. They way i think about it is if they are going to joke and tease and not give any support then they aint worth having as friends. I avoid nightclubs etc so the friends who i have told understand and we do things that dont involve being near drunk people. (they can go off and do that without me, with other friends) I think it's best to be straight with them. Maybe if you were then you could ask them not to get too drunk on the times that you're with them. I kow it's easier said than done but i feel that the most important thing when dealing with emets is to be honest and have as miuch support as possible. I've been trying to deal with it step by step. I could not deal at all with people being sick in the streets and around me! I would do into blind panic. The best thing i have done to fight my fear is to stay on a bus with someone who was very drunk on it. Doesn't sound like much eh? But it was horrible, dunno how i'd deal wih the real thing. Anyway, let me know how you are getting on maria_g, it'd be nice to know.


Katie

[x hannah x]

I actually tell as many friends as I can about this phobia so that if something happens while I'm around them they'll have some degreeof understanding and won't stand there thinking "I wonder why Hannah is grasping her head and screaming whilst running in a circle, is it something I said?" But only my really close friends know how much of an impact it has on my life.

[maria_g]

Thanks for the support, it's lovely to have someone who understands me totally. Since i have discovered about emet and that there are other people like me I have been able to tell one of my friends, the one I trust most. I will try and tell more of my friends eventually although it's actually more difficult if you've known them for a long time.


Thanks so much!


Miriam

[katiepool129]

hey


God!! i feel exactly the same, find it very difficult to tell people who i've known for years but with newer friends i tend to let them know straight away. I'm glad i've helped you a wee bit. Feel free, anyone, to pm me if you want to talk. I'm always up for a chat.


Katie

[Melikasa]

I didn't know that my fear had a name untill a few years ago right before I joined here in fact. I may have told friends about it had I even known that it had a name. I was afraid of being some freak with a 1 in a billion chance of having this fear.
I too didn't eat when I was out and pretty much didn't like the idea of being in a restraunt at all. I especially hated anywhere that involved drinking where I may come across someone that had had too much to drink.


I think you telling your friends is the best thing. Real friends will just understand (or try to) at least they know now why you (we) avoid certain things, events, situations.
Or like me find out that they have a similar fear. My sister (who isn't even blood sister and is 22 years older than me) I JUST found out was very much like me. She hates hospitals, hates germs and ALWAYS carried Gravol and pepto bismul around.
She asked once quite angrily why I never came out to see her. I finally told her and she said " WHy didnt you say something?" She was thinking for years I was just being a prude and didn't want to see her or the family.
So indeed telling them helps a lot even if they don't totally understand what you are going through. I knw my husband still doesnt get it. He has no fear of anything (that he has come across yet) but he tries and helps.

[wasteofenergy12]

Well, if you have any really close friends that are you real friends. I dont think they would judge you. My friends know i have a problem with v* but they do not know how serious it is. They havent judged me for it, or atleast i dont think they have. If you dont feel its right to tell then i wouldnt. Not until you know

[ladymoonlight]

I found it very hard to have friendships in my teens. Everyone wanted to go out drinking and partying and I was always too afraid because of the v* factor. I wouldn't even go and eat out in places like McDonalds and was afraid of using public transport, so I missed out a lot of socialising.


It is a sad fact but phobias like this do impact very badly on your social life. Its hard to find people who are understanding enough to accept you as you are without making judgements or making you feel "weird". Ive even had people being nasty to me because I'm pregnant and afraid to have my baby in a hospital because people v* in hospitals. They say I'm being selfish and not thinking about my baby. It really hurts when people are so cold and not understanding. It just shows how narrow minded they are.

[Melikasa]

I know how you feel ladymoon I had a hard time getting out to socialize and since I DIDN"T know this had a name I couldn't say what it was. Those friends i did have though just accepted me as being that way,


I don't know that all people that say that as narrow minded. Some say it thinking that just being blunt like that will just make you be able to forget about it. I know its hard to accept that as not being plain mean but the not understanding part is true. But you have to try and understand that they don't as well and move on with what you know feels right to you.
As far as having the baby in the hospital I myself felt safer being there and I am gladI was my little guy had the cord around his neck and went into stress then slow slow heartbeat. A lot of moms on the other hand chose to have their baby at home not for any other reason than they think its better to have it naturally in a comfortable place. If you havea dependable medula to help you through and that know how to deliver home birth and a doctor that will be there I don't see a problem at all and it isn't any one elses business but yours and your husbands.

[daffodil]

Ladymoonlight, Where you choose to have your baby is your choice. Do what makes you comfortable. Many studies have shown that homebirths are just as safe as hospital births, provided the mother and pregnancy are both "normal" and healthy.

[katiepool129]

Hey all,


I'm really glad people have found this topic useful. I've found that i have gone on a journey, like many of us have and will, my friend situation is alot better now. I have a couple of great friends who i trust and who are great and supportive. The others who i eventually told have sadly drifted away from me. However, that may be because we are all going on different paths now. But i have found that i feel lucky to have the few good friends i have and try not to dwell on those who have been unsupportive. I def think telling friends is a good idea, least then you know who are the special ones who like you enough to help and suport you.


Katie

[lostangeleno]

I myself was about to say that sometimes people just grow apart.
The first time you see your high school friends after you've all been
away at college can be very weird...some just pick up right where they
left off, others realize they've changed and moved on. It happens
even when emetophobia doesn't come into the equation!



For me, telling people I'm scared of getting sick is not easy for
me. It was hard to tell my parents (and I only half-told them, I
think) and hard to tell my therapist as well...like Sage, it took me
many sessions before I finally ventured to ask him if he'd ever heard
of emetophobia and if he thought I had it.



The thing is, when I am here reading about the experiences of others,
it seems to me that almost all of us exhibit symptoms of other, more
extensively researched, and more talked about anxiety disorders.
That is why I choose not to think of this as a phobia--giving it a name
like that is giving it too much power, in my opinion. I view what
I have as situational panic disorder that is triggered by feeling (or
just imagining that I feel) nauseous and, to a lesser degree, seeing
others get sick. I notice a lot of others here have similar
symptoms and so might also have panic disorder. Others seem to
have OCD. Still others describe PTSD-like experiences. So,
when and if I feel the need to tell someone about my problem, I explain
that I have an anxiety disorder. It's true, and most people can
get that around their heads (even the thicker ones, LOL!).



I know that my friends were very pleased to hear of my diagnosis and
were--are--completely supportive of my treatment efforts. (I had
been sick for quite a while.) I haven't had as much luck with my
parents--while my stepfather is the coolest cucumber you will ever
meet, my mother and I have had countless fights over my anxiety, which
she perceives as my personal rejection of her (because I don't like to
go out and do things the way I used to or get on a plane and visit the
family at Christmas). I doubt she will ever completely
understand, but she has been much better about picking fights with me
since she had a talk with my therapist.



I am very saddened every time I read that someone here has been laughed
at, made fun of, neglected, yelled at, or even verbally abused because
of the way anxiety makes them think and behave. It's hard to even
think about getting treatment if you're constantly being made to feel
you don't need it or you're not worth it.



In short, I think it's good to tell people. A really good friend
will stick by you, support you, help you. The ones who drift away
obviously aren't prepared to handle it, and that's okay too...it
doesn't make them bad people.



LostAngeleno

[katiepool129]

Hi


Just wondering lostangeleno what OCD and PTSD is? I get anxiety and panic attacks but not sure what those two are.

[lostangeleno]

Katie,


OCD stands for Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. Here's some more information about it from the National Institute of Mental Health:


http://www.nimh.nih.gov/HealthInformation/ocdmenu.cfm


PTSD stands for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. The NIMH has a lock on that one too:


http://www.nimh.nih.gov/healthInformation/ptsdmenu.cfm


They are both anxiety disorders, just like panic disorder is.


LostAngeleno

[pvm1955]

My emet as never affected any of my relationships at all, actually. I have never been officially diagnosed with it because I never knew it was a phobia until a friend's daughter developed it many years ago. Then the bell went off in my head and I realized I had it to some degree, although not as intensely as many. I always was upfront about it though - I told people I was a V-Phobe, and we laughed about it, even though I really felt so stupid. I had company though - one college friend was an emet and my second husband is one as well, so that helped/helps me not to feel too weird about it.


Anyway,even though myfriends and family certainly knew about it, they never rejected mebecause of it, and it didn't stop me from going to college and graduate school, traveling, socializing, going out to dinner and eating, or to parties. It was just one of my little quirks and they accepted it about me, although I do know that once my friendsstarted having kids twenty years ago (we are all 50/51 now) they did wonder how I would deal with my ownkid getting sick. We would laugh about it (because IHAD to, perhaps to save"face" or myself from my own sense of shame and stupidity about it), but truthfully I did wonder: How WOULD I handle it? Fortunately (and unfortunately, too) I never could have kids so that question never needed to be answered.


The only times it actually affects things is when someone gets illnear me - whether it is a family member, a friend, or someone on a plane in my vicinity, at work or at a party, but thatwas more intense when I was in college and everyone was partying too much.. My first (and now ex) husband was prone to v* and it made me utterly crazy. I could ALWAYS tell when he was going to be sick a day or a few hours before it would happen. He had a certain "look" about him and I immediately would feel anxious and tense. I would ask him dozens of times in the space of 10 minutes if he was okay, if he felt sick, if he was going to barf, andof course, he would get annoyed.I am sureI made him feel more anxious and sickthan he needed to feel. I felt guilty when I would do this, but it was almost a compulsion. I KNEW - rationally - it was a bodily function and necessary at times: I knew it wasn't the end of the world, and that this would pass, but I couldn't stop myself from asking him over and over again how he felt.Sure as there are clouds in the sky, he would get sick and I would FLIP OUT: shake, not eat, sleep in another room for days, use the other bathroom, etc.Once the whole episode was over I returned to "normal". I felt like a head case, honestly.


I have been pretty lucky having friends and family who just accept it, thankfully. If they didn't or if they made malicious fun of meI would feel very hurt. However for me personally, being an emet does not define who I am as a person. It is a small part of my overall "beingness", andlike everyone else, I am merely human.