Self Harm

[cwarren]

Hello everyone,


This is a bit of a taboo topic, I know, but I just wanted to know if any of you have ever, or still, self harm?


I have been doing it since I was 16 (I'm now 21) and I wondered if it partly stemmed from this phobia?

[Jenneh]

i did it wen i was 15 for a couple of years... pretty much stopped now unless i get really really depressed or angry with myself.


for me, it stemmed because i knew someone was up with me (i.e. emet) but i didnt actually know it had a name or was a recognised mental illness.... so i got pretty bad depression.


Jen xxxx

[rachelle]

Hiya,


Wen i was at my worst (about 2/3 years ago) I did self harm for a while, not very long becuz i knew it wasnt right. Thankfully i never done it badly, and so scars have long since faded.


Even now wen I'm depressed i dont do it - its jus something I wont allow myself to do again.


Rachel xxx

[sarahx]

I have self harmed since i was 15 im 20 now. I havent done it for 7months because my boyfriend threatened to leave me but that doesnt mean i dont want to do it! I used to fine it very relaxing? I know its bad but it made me feel so much better about myself. But i do think its all related to emet, if i didnt have emet i would be fine, like many ppl on here!

[Lauralye]

I used to do it as well. I started when i was about eleven, and i would just claw at myself when i was distraught... i think mainly to get attention... more of a cry for help when i got older. Once when i was in one of my classes in middle school, i was so depressed about school and my family that i thought pain would be a distraction. So i took the eraser from my desk and just started rubbing away my skin on my wrist. (Basically burning it off) The wound wasnt deep at all, but it certainly got some attention.


My parents took me to all kinds of therapists. One time when i broke up with one of my ex boyfriends, i was so depressed that i would just bang my head on my desk out of frustration. And i got bruised pretty bad. Very visable. I also took a knife and kept it in my room "just in case." I think i used it only once. But i still have the scars on my arm.


I am now dating a very nice guy, been going out with him for about 9 months, and we have talked about our pasts and self-harm that i did to myself and he did to himself when he was younger.


This makes me think that this is common with some people. Though neither of us do it anymore, we kind of provide a safety net for eachother. We both have been through very difficult times, and i now know that there is never a time to inflict harm on myself. There is always a better way. Yes, self harm gets you attention, but not the kind you want! Everyone who knows you will treat you differently, and if rumours circulate within your community, people could become stand-offish. But most importantly, don't do it because you will regret it in the long run. I know i do, but i am glad that i have people whounderstand and love me; they are my suppourt, just like you guys with my emet!


I'm sure there are alot of people on here that have similar problems. If you do have a problem, let someone know. Hurting yourself is never an excuse.


hope this helps a little!


-Laura

[Jenneh]

hmm... well i dont think self harm is the most god awful thing u cud ever do, to be honest.


my theory is, that some ppl self harm as a way of STOPPING themselves from going the whole way and commiting suicide.


i think as a SHORT TERM coping mechanism, its OK... as long as u are actively tryin to find another coping mechanism and its not long term so u dont start cutting off ur whole hand..


i know that wen i was feeling REALLY suicidal, instead, i cut into my leg "fat and ugly" and it stopped me wanting to do nething more worse ( i.e. cut my wrists) .... i stil haev the scars there, which is depressing... but its just another "momentum" of the s***e iv been thru... without tryin to sound too corney.


Jen xxxxx

[rhinoseri]

I started about half a year ago when I gave up hope of ever moving away
from where I live now, and as my parents got more and more suspicious
of online friends, since I don't have friends where I live. I also
stopped attempting to get to know anyone who went to my school, just
because it seemed like there was no point. My parents don't know about
it, nor does anyone in real life. I fear that they might find out
somehow, so I don't really do anything in obvious places. I've tried
stopping, but end up starting up again... Basically because I feel like
I deserve the pain, yet at the same time it feels better...

[raven_moonstone]

i hurt myself all the time. I slam my head against the wall for hours on end, sometimes til i black out or have a seizure, i bite my hands til i bleed and i cut. recently, i did something rather stupid, i carved FAILURE into my abdomin.

RaVeN

ps. I kno im insane, u dont need to tell me again

[sarahx]

Raven, you are definitely not insane! You are just hurting inside, we all can identify with you. I wish there was some way i could help you... this phobia is so hard to deal with. I am trying so hard not to cut myself, i al so low right now but im terrified that my child will be taken away from me if anyone found out i do it so i try so hard not to. But right now i could do it all day long.


Doesnt anyone have any answers for us!!!!!!!!!!!

[izzybee]

I dont self harm but I pick at wounds and make my self bleed sometimes, I'm not sure why but I think its cause I'm in control of it maybe. I dont cut mysle ftho, I've found a way around that. I get a biro pen and pretend to cut my arms, I scartch them and draw on them but it doesnt do much damage to my arm but still feels the same.

[raven_moonstone]

I tried to kill myself 4 days ago. but i failed. i got caught and taken to the ER, where i proceeded to panic cuz someone was puking everywhere. good thing i blacked out from all the drugs and loss of blood.

RaVeN

[Jenneh]

Raven...


dont do this ... not only r u hurting urself, ur hurting us here ok?


get help ... dont end it all ... if u give up in this fight against emet ... we're all gnnna wanna too!!


we're all here for you ... you CAN get thru this ... and you will ... but it wont be easy ... but it wil be worth it in the end.


Jen xxxx

[kmarie]

izzy..i pick too...if i have a scab..i pick it...i know i shouldnt..but i do..


i guess i kinda harm myself in a way..i pick at the skin on the bottoms of my feet..i peel it..sometimes i peel S much my whole heel is raw and some parts are bleeding. I dont know why i do it..but once i start i find it very hard to stop. i pick them so abd sometimes it hurts terribly to walk


Raven..i dont know what to say..but hang in there..as jen said you can get throuygh this as even though it doenst seem it now it will be worth it in the end. stay strong...we all have faith in you and care about you!





-Kayla

[raven_moonstone]

has anyone heard the song Hold On by good charlotte ? its an anti-suicide song and they display the Kids Help Phone number after the vid. i didnt really find that song helpful but the video is good. there are ppl talking on it about how they lost ppl they love. its good ..... if u can reach out for help.

unlike me

RaVeN

[Jenneh]

yes, i have heard that song raven. i think its very good.


but anyone can reach out for help, even you.


thers doctors available for everyone, relatives even! friends... i dunno... its different for evryone


Jen xxxx

[izzybee]

I do hope that you are starting too feel a bit better now. Unfortunatly we all have times when we want to end it all, I'm sure most emets will et this at some point. But think of all the wonderful things you can do after you get rid of this phobia. You arnt stuck with this phobia fr life, look at sage, she's got over this phobia and is now free to have a career, kids and I happy life, and so can we.


Please dont give up. Are you getting help for this? Maybe now is the time to start some therapy or talk to your thereoist about how bad things are getting for you.


I hope things start to get better for you

[Jenneh]

Izzy is completely right.. the amount of times iv wanted to end this... but thank god i didnt .. because i wudnt have the kinda life i have now if i was stuck in a coffin somewhere... DEAD!


within 7 years, i have turned from being someone who was scared to go to school, leave the house, had major OCD symptons, major depression, wouldnt eat, lost friendships, lost relationships with relatives, e.t.c e.t.c.


TO


someone who CAN leave the house, who LOVES to go to school, who's OCD symptons have gone, depression has lifted, eats ... (well thats another story).. regained friendships, regained relationships with relatives...


evrything i lost... iv re-built... yeah it was hrd work.. im in the process of teaching myself... how to physically go to London, or how to physically go to the shops, cause of social phobia...


the main thing is.. THE FIGHT IS WORTH IT!


im afraid life IS what you make it. and ultimately you have control over this. yo have control over emet.. you have control over your life..


YOU CAN DO THIS. YOU ALL CAN DO THIS.


Jen xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[raven_moonstone]

I cut myself again, and i was listening to Hold On ...

i cant seem to stop anymore ... each time i cut a lil bit deeper.

RaVeN

[sarahx]

Raven, you have to get some help. You obviously dont want to actually kill yourself otherwise you wouldnt tell us on here. You are crying out for help, please see your doctor they will not judge you, they are there to help in any way that they can. Please dont do it to yourself anymore.


Sarah xxx

[Jenneh]

raven i think you need to take a long hard look at urself....


what are u tryin to kill? the phobia right? how the phobia makes u feel e.t.c?


so why are u harming urself to try and get rid of the phobia? all it does is make u feel worse about urself.


u gotta like urself, work with urself, so u can get thru this.. until u learn to do tht, no therapy is gnna help you


Jen xxx

[sabine]

I use to do things like bite my lip or the inside of my cheek or pull on my
earing until I bled to distract me from feeling sick when I was a little girl. [img]smileys/smilies_12.gif[/img]

[Jenneh]

hey sabine, welcome to our family


when i panic, i scratch away at my hands, pull my hair out... scratch all over my body actually... crunch up my toes till they hurt.. chew my lip.. pull away at my ear as well... some really wierd things...


all were my simple coping mechanisms... one day wen i was panicking, my friend tried to stop me scratching my hands cause they were bleeding and getting really sore... but i just ws lke " NO, i NEED to do this"... and carried on. i wudnt have got myself to feel better if i hadnt had done it.


Jen xxxx

[sabine]

thank you for the welcome.
Do you still do that?
Now I more just run around and clean, sew, read, organize, walk, even go
out for a drive- anything to take my mind of feeling sick. I exhaust
myself. heh

[Jenneh]

yeah i do stil do it, wen i panic.. which isnt luckily that often anymore.


its good u try and do things to distract urself from the panic... its better then sitting in a little crumpled heap.


hope u dont wear urself out too mch tho!!


Jen xxxxxx

[hanarky]

never... i just did it mentally.. but who doesn't
i used to cut myself but that was only when something else happen eg:
my b/f dumped me
it was teenage angst for me