Frustrating

[classycaro]

I keep trying to go out and do things, but I don't feel brave for trying. I can't enjoy them at all because all I can think about is my fear of throwing up. I went to apply for a stupid part time job today but got so anxious that I had to leave before I could finish filling out the sheet. It's just so discouraging and I don't know what to do and nobody I know gets it or knows how to help me and all I want is to just stop thinking about it. It's so exhausting and I can't even get a break from it when I sleep because I dream about it. I just want to get over it.

[shiva]

I know that it is exhausting, by try looking at this a different way... Instead of feeling all negative about it, pat yourself on the back for trying. You have been going out, you started to apply for a job... All of these things will add to your progress. It's not going to feel pleasant, but you really are doing yourself a favor. After many times of going out of your comfort zone, you will realize that the anxiety will let up a bit and it will become easier for you. Unfortunately, you have to do this in order to get through this issue.
You're doing a great job. No more beating yourself up and just keep continuing to do the best you can.
One more bit of advice to offer, and I know this one is going to seem impossible. Try very hard (once you begin to feel panic while out) to calm yourself back down while you are still in the public place. Whether it be by breathing, visualization or distraction. Whatever works best for you. If you leave the situation while your anxiety is very high, then you are kinda adding fuel to the fire. If this seems impossible, then maybe you are starting with situations that are too hard. I know that you don't want this process to take long and you want to get it over with, but maybe the idea is to start with little walks around the block- coming home with no anxiety, then venturing out to the local convenient store for a bottled water- coming home with no anxiety. See what I mean? Start small, you don't have to jump head first into this thing.
Hope that helps.

[suze]

I agree with Shiva here, don't be so hard on yourself, you have made progress. Rome wasn't built in a day remember - small steps still get you there in the end!

[Galadriel]

Yeah smaller steps generally go best, because they are more do-able, and you feel like you've accomplished something and it improves your esteem, so you feel confident to try a bit more.

So maybe going and applying was a bit much, thats okay. Was it the spending so long in one place that set it off? Or the idea of getting a job? (I know it can be daunting trying to deal with fears like this and a job), just try and think what it was that made you panic, and then write it down, and work your way back to being in that situacion again, so you can realize that it is okay. Small steps are good.