"Friends"

[shiva]

I just got off of the phone with a 'friend'. It seemed that she couldn't wait to tell me all about the sv that's going around her office at work. Her reasoning was so that I could help her figure out whether food was the culprit or a virus (clearly a virus- one woman sick last week... went to work to spread the love- 4 days later 1/2 the office is sick. My friend went to work sick to spread it around more, I guess) Common sense tells anyone that it's a bug. It really seemed to me that she almost enjoyed telling me about it.


Do you think that people might get kicks out of our weaknesses? Or, kind of use our phobias to feel better about themselves when they are having an off day?


This conversation that I had with her really pissed me off, but on the other hand I get pissed when people hide it from me to. What do I expect? Am I being irrational or was she being a little bitchy? I think it was her tone and her urgency for telling me that makes me feel like there was some kind of hidden agenda.


So now I get to be paranoid for the rest of the summer. f*** emet.

[californiagirl]

Hi SHIVA,


Know what? It's a cruel, cruel, world out there!! My BEST friend of 30 years (I'm only 39-hehe), sometimes laughs at me! When that incident happened at the tire shop a couple of months ago (the kid v* right by my daughter and I), I told her about it, and when she heard how upset my daughter and U were about it, she laughed at me!! i seriously was hurt by that, and felt betrayed by her. BUT, she's in nursing school, and tells me that she doesn't think she can become a nurse because every conceivable bodily fluid grosses her out! WTF??? She's not an emet, but does get grossed out. She is not worried about catching sv's though. Weird.


Yeh, so I know what you mean. It hurts a little. I'm not a real big people-lover unlless they prove to me that they are my genuine friend. Being that I've known her for so long, I can say that her laughing really hurt, so I know how you feel. Just roll your eyes, and try to forget about it.

[shiva]

Thanks Charlene. I have also been friends with this girl for a long time.. Since we were 2. So you are right. It seems as though they should know better or something.


I will definitely try to get if off my mind, though. Thanks.

[californiagirl]

You're welcome![img]smileys/smilies_02.gif[/img]

[SimplyMe]

Oh yeah. I have a friend who everytime her kids get sick or when she was pregnant likes to tell me how "you couldn't handle this, it's awful" and it's supposed to be "casual or concerned" but BS. It's her trying to show me she can do something she thinks I can't. Whatever. I don't know your friend and didn't hear the conversation but you do and did. If your gut tells you she got some joy ... you're probably right. People suck sometimes! Sorry that happened.

[tcsarah]

I sometimes get this from my fiance (and he knows the extent to which I hate v*) - he'll come in and say something like, "It's a good job you didn't come into town with me this morning as somebody had thrown up everywhere near the library". I always say thanks I really needed to know that.[img]smileys/smilies_05.gif[/img] The other week he came in talking about the minibus a group of us are using to go to and from a wedding next month. The taxi firm providing the minibus are new customers of my fiance's (he has his own gardening business). He said, "I'm dreading the kids or the drunken people on the way back throwing up in the minibus - it won't look good on me if they make a mess." I'd not even worried that much about the scenario until he said that, now I keep thinking there must be a big chance that it may happen if he's said it. I was really mad at him, asking if he'd thought about what he was saying to me. Then he just got dissmissiveand said, oh well go in your own transport then.


The trouble is when people don't have fears and phobias they don't understand. My sister-in-law is a lovely lady and doesn't have a mean bone in her body. She knows about my phobia yet when we went round to see her one afternoon she told us her son wasin bedwith a migraine *GRAPHIC BIT coming up*...





and that he'd been v*ing bright pink etc etc as he'd eaten Pink Pather biscuits that morning. She went into so much detail, but I know it never crossed her mind that this information would bother me.


I suppose it may be an easy slip-up to make even if you suffer from phobias yourself. Eg if I had a friend who had a phobia of spiders, I might not be thinking and say something like, oh there was a massive spider in our bath this morning - which could very well set an arachnaphobe off.


I have come across people who do think it's funny to play on your phobia, but they are not worth worrying about. One friend was tormenting me, pretending to gag and describing v*, so I turned the tables round on him and started talking graphically about injections (his phobia) - that shut him up!


Edited by: tcsarah

[dord]

Well the people I work with have no clue about my phobia, only my husband, son and my parents know. They do just the opposite and don't tell me when they aren't feeling well which in turn makes me really angry. Maybe they all got sick of me then asking a zillion times "are you feeling better????" Who could blame them.


I guess people are fascinated with getting sick, that or they want sympathey? I don't get it - I've never felt compelled to blather on about anything I had. I am very good though about blowing people off. "Oh you had that....that's nice". Leaves them going "Huh, wtf?" Love it!

[shiva]

Dord,
I wish I could blow off comments like that. I am certainly going to work on it! [img]smileys/smilies_02.gif[/img]

[honeybee]

hi,


it sounds like that your friendship is more important than letting that conversation get in the way. she may haave not reaslised what she had done that upset you to that degree. you are obiously very hurt by what she has done, but you need to think of all of the food times that you have had together as well. my grandma says, every healthy relationships have disagreements, if you dont then they cant be that valued.

[shiva]

To value friendship doesn't mean to let someone make you feel like s***, though. In order to even have friendship with people I need to first value myself- and being someone's emotional punching bag because they had a bad day and are pissed that they are sick is not my idea of being good to myself. Does that make sense? It wasn't just a disagreement. She couldn't wait to tell me what's been going on. When I didn't react like expected she said, "Oh geez... sounds like somebody is working hard on conquering their fear- you are not half as upset as I anticipated". What the f*** is that? You anticipated upsetting me and now you are thrown off because it didn't work?

[kate1966]

It sounds to me like she was trying to get you upset to see how you would react......i hope she wasn't doing that on purpose...but i have a friend who i think would do that me to me too.....possible just to see how i would react.....but either way, you have to learn how to ignore things like that as hard as it is to do...but the less reaction they get, the less they will do that to you..that is what i have learned in the past. It's horrible to think that a good friend like that would try to hurt you on purpose, but hey, people in this world are very very cruel...i have found that out recently myself...with "so called" friends...so anyway, just try to forget and ignore all the negative stuff...and concentrate on the good stuff.

[chicajojobe]

he'd been v*ing bright pink etc etc as he'd eaten Pink Pather biscuits that morning. She went into so much detail, but I know it never crossed her mind that this information would bother me.

I don't know...I think even non-emets would agree that telling someone what color your son's v* was is WAY too much information!

I might not be thinking and say something like, oh there was a massive
spider in our bath this morning - which could very well set an
arachnaphobe off.

I'm an arachnaphobe as well as an emet so suppose there might be some arachnaphobes that could be that bad, but most arachnaphobes actually have to see a spider (or at least a picture of a spider) to be set off. Unlike emet, where even thinking about it causes anxiety usually just hearing about one isn't enough to cause an attack.
Edited by: chicajojobe

[gumdropper1]

It's important to remember that normal people don't think about puke and puking the way we do. To them it's just an ordinary occurrence, like finding a dead bug on the patio or having a cut that needs a bandage. Some people will understand if you tell them about emet, but other people will not and some will even be glad you have emet because it's a new way they can jerk your chain.


Doug