Hi, I'm new and looking to conquer a fear this coming week

[FreedomtoLive]

Hi everyone!

What a great site this is!

I'm wondering if anyone can give me some advice or point me in the right direction to info on this forum. I'm aware of cognitive behaviour therapy for emetophobia because i had it in the past and it was brilliant - but it was also 22 years ago.

Since then i witnessed someone die in front of me and although their death had nothing to do with being sick it has brought back loads of old fears about being sick.....because what i saw happen to them was what i always feared with being sick. Now i've been told by a nurse that being sick is usually not dangerous and usually not associated with anything too serious - but in my mind, when i feel sick and am in that state I am convinced i am going to die. I live alone and know that if i do, like this person i saw....then no one will know, no one will help me....not that it matters because even if anyone was around i'd still be terrifed.

I've got a challenge coming up - i have to go away for a week with my work and stay in a hotel - i am the only person going there are no colleagues going with me. I'm not afraid of being alone during the day as i will be with other people from the company, but it will be at night alone in the hotel i'll be scared.....actually even the thought of being ill during the day is scary because although there will be people around, i will have to be alone in the toilets and no one might notice that i've gone and ......well the fear is that if i were dying no one would no until someone discovered me in there.

I have to stress this is a fear of being sick first and then dying. i've had the fear since childhood and like i say i got over it about 90% and it should have continued....but then it got compounded by recent events.

I know that 'safety behaviours' don't help but here's the list of stuff i'm doing before i go away (by the way i'm only going 60 miles down the road! lol!):

I've cleaned my computer and mouse, etc, with antiseptic wipes in case it was harboring any germs that could make me ill once i'm away

I've bought cranberry jiuce and intend to drink a glass a day as this is supposed to prevent stomach bugs

I've got hand santiser and anti emetics with me, etc.

I know i have to face this....but i'm so afraid of travelling and being ill away from home....and even if it's just a stomach bug, i'm scared of having to travel back on a train by myself, etc....so i cannot face anything before i go,.....just going will be facing things, if that makes sense.

Would really appreciate any help, advice, support.....i really want to do this and not back out. Thanks! :-)

[m0ndaymay]

The best advice I can give you is do not fight the fear. You recovered once, and you'll recover again, but it's highly unlikely it will happen in one week. So instead of putting that added pressure on yourself, give yourself permission to feel the fear and do it anyway. Sometimes, the more we fight it, the worse it gets. It's like telling yourself not to think of a pink elephant - what instantly pops into your mind? A pink elephant.

As emetophobics we often have this misconception that if we feel fear, and all our bodily symptoms that go with that, we can't function. Not true. Take all your fear with you on this trip and do what you have to do WITH it... what's the alternative?

You're not going to get sick and die. But you already know that.

[cinque]

I've read that emetophobia, and all phobias, are to do with part of our brain saying "If this happens, we'll die", although for most of us we don't consciously think that. Whether that's true or not, I don't know, but it kind of makes sense to me.

Safety behaviours can be bad in terms of reinforcing the fear (I think it is known as 'avoidance'), but in the short term I don't think you should give yourself a hard time if they're helping you deal with things. Is your fear mainly about being alone when 'it' might happen? Would it help if you could tell someone about it and ask them to check up on you, or be there ready to answer the phone in case you need someone to talk to?

Seeing someone die must have been very distressing. I think perhaps counselling and/or CBT would help get rid of the fear again. I know you can't do that before next week, but could you put it on your to-do list when you get back?

In the meantime, you will be fine, definitely

[hsbbd]

I don't have much congnitive advice but more practical advice, try taking probiotics and/or eating yogurt, it is amazing for digestion and even better is the fact that all the good bacteria overwhelmes the bad. You can usually find it in gel caps at the local health foods store, just ask. Also, on a side note, I don't associate vomit with death, I just am terrified of it lol just like I have a friend who is basically phobic of moths but she doesn't associate them with death. Anywho enjoy your trip and don't be afraid be wise your anxiety will only make the trip no fun and any bug you catch worse! Happy travelling!

[FreedomtoLive]

The best advice I can give you is do not fight the fear. You recovered once, and you'll recover again, but it's highly unlikely it will happen in one week. So instead of putting that added pressure on yourself, give yourself permission to feel the fear and do it anyway. Sometimes, the more we fight it, the worse it gets. It's like telling yourself not to think of a pink elephant - what instantly pops into your mind? A pink elephant.

As emetophobics we often have this misconception that if we feel fear, and all our bodily symptoms that go with that, we can't function. Not true. Take all your fear with you on this trip and do what you have to do WITH it... what's the alternative?

You're not going to get sick and die. But you already know that.

thanks - i'm just so not ready for this trip! and if i don't go i'm going to be mad with myself because i've paid for it and i wanted to go. When i booked it i was going through a stage of seeing things as fairly easy....now i just keep having visions of being alone ill in a hotel room and wishing i was home and worrying that it's not going to get any better......

I just wish i could be normal. Normal people would get on and have their stomach bug and then get through the first 24 hours and then soldier on and continue with their trip...me, I would be ill, lie on the bed panicking inside waiting for the time when i feel well enough to pack my bags and leave and go home, long before the trip is finished, get home, get better and then realise i could have still been at the hotel at the event.

Yep I know i'm not likely to get sick and die, but if i get sick i will believe that i could die :-(

Wish i could talk to some people who take an interest in this but are not actually emetophobic themselves, so they could tell me what it's like for them if they are ill alone in a hotel away from home (lol - i'm such a baby). What thoughts do they have? HOW do they deal with it?

[FreedomtoLive]

Is your fear mainly about being alone when 'it' might happen? Would it help if you could tell someone about it and ask them to check up on you, or be there ready to answer the phone in case you need someone to talk to?

thanks - good ideas....I'm really not sure what to do though because if i'm in a panic state nothing helps. Even being around people doesn't help, sometimes being around people makes it worse....at the same time i don't want to be ill alone....LOL!

I thought about it today and realised that it's like my brain focusses on something to fear when there's a lot of change going on. Travelling to me is full of change....when i went away to university i used to have similar fears, but somehow i did it - this is no different, just a week away...but a lot of years have passed since then and stuff has happened.

The only way to stop panicking about this is to not go, the moment i told myself that i'm not going i'd start to feel calmer and back to my old self, then i would feel stronger again and not so emotional (i keep crying about everything)....but i would also feel that my life is becoming empty and boring.

[FreedomtoLive]

I don't have much congnitive advice but more practical advice, try taking probiotics and/or eating yogurt, it is amazing for digestion and even better is the fact that all the good bacteria overwhelmes the bad. You can usually find it in gel caps at the local health foods store, just ask. Also, on a side note, I don't associate vomit with death, I just am terrified of it lol just like I have a friend who is basically phobic of moths but she doesn't associate them with death. Anywho enjoy your trip and don't be afraid be wise your anxiety will only make the trip no fun and any bug you catch worse! Happy travelling!

Thanks!

I'm drinking cranberry juice now in preparatin as i know they ward off stomach bugs, using hand sanitsier at work....I have buccastem tablets.....now all i need to do is a little CBT on myself before i go.

Doesn't help that a colleague at work dropped something out of her bag and i noticed it was immodium.....so now i think she's had norovirus. I've read all about it and really just wouldn't want to be in the same building with it - wlthough also read that my blood group has some immunity, so i might get it a little milder.

Understand you not associating vomiting with death, I never did before and was still scared...I didn't expect to die....but i wanted to die rather than be sick! Now i've changed my mind on that one.....it's more a fear that the vomiting would be really unpleasant or severe....or that it was something really serious.....those thoughts would make any vomiting really frightening.

thanks for listening

[cinque]

I think it's definitely for the best that you go on this trip. You will feel so good about yourself when it's over. And hopefully you will get some enjoyment out of it whilst you are there. I am the same when I'm staying over somewhere except I much prefer to have the option to be alone, have my own room etc. But I do get very agitated and nervous before I go, and can sometimes feel a bit emotional when I am there, too. Upsetting because I used to love travelling around visiting friends and such!

You will be fine. And when you get back you will have had a positive reinforcement that makes you realise you CAN do these things. It will make it easier the next time. Avoidance fuels phobias. It's definitely okay to avoid things that are genuinely risky, of course. But I don't think you should cancel this trip. It will be good, honestly

[claire43]

Hi! I understand how you feel about going away for a week. I hate change and havent spent a night away from home for over 10 years (except for one night a year at christmas up my parents house which is only 10 minutes from my own home!) Last wednesday I had to travel over 200 miles by train to stay overnight in a hotel before my sisters wedding the following day. I wasnt alone but I was dreading it incase I was ill etc. I managed fine and felt ok even managed to have a good laugh - I was sharing a room with my 19 year old daughter and my fav auntie. I just took everything I could think of to help me cope if I started to feel ill, such as anti-emetics and a mild tranquilliser. Im doing the same trip on 25 June and staying overnight again and hopefully this will be as uneventful as my last trip. I think a lot of how you feel is down to confidence. Just think you deal with many situations on a daily basis and there is nothing you cant deal with whilst you are away. Be prepared - pack anything you may need to help you cope and Im sure you'll have a great time and it will be over before you know it.