Looking for advice.

[thebunnyworks]

I'm 19 years old right now, and I feel like hell every day. This is the first time I've ever considered emetophobia, I honestly came across it browsing through random medical websites and forums. As early on in my life I can remember, I've always felt nauseated and uncomfortable and just had this huge aversion to it all. I had it under control though for the most part because I never really thought of it as a problem. Thinking that something was wrong with me made it worse and I know that's horrible. But I was a kid and scared, and it's not like just a panic attack. People don't understand how miserable it is to feel nauseated always. I was always an extremely picky eater, I'd actually cry if there was nothing in my home that I could stomach to eat.
Once I got to my freshman year of high school, it started to really get bad. I dropped out of school and my parents were able to get my a counselor that came to my home because I refused to leave. I was diagnosed with general anxiety disorder, and I guess I was just too scared to talk about it thoroughly. I know, I'm an idiot and I hate myself for not just coming out with it. I might be better now if I had but I was scared. Anyway, we couldn't afford the counselor after a while regardless and ever since it's gotten worse and worse.
At this point, I feel nauseated nearly 24/7, sometimes to the point of dry-heaving. I do manage to eat as regularly as I can, I use the restroom normally. I'll have attacks that sometimes end in me begging my parents for help, to take me to the hospital, to do something. Anything to help. Overall I feel okay, it's just the nausea. There are some things that help, making myself eat light snacks can help and drinking water. Pacing helps sometimes, and as odd as it sounds masturbating helps me stop thinking about it. I get to the point where I feel like I'm going to gag, and I try so hard to tell myself it's in my head.
I haven't left my home in probably 3-4 years now. (sort of)
I am dating a guy that lives in another state, and he has come to visit me twice in the last year. Both times I was able to leave and hang out with him and felt okay. I was so happy that I was able to spend time with him. But at this point, I am so tired of it. I am so scared and depressed and I just want to live my life in some comfort.
I think about how easy it would be to just kill myself and end it all, and I'd never feel sick again. I want to so bad sometimes, the only thing keeping me going and holding on is my boyfriend and the hope that one day this burden will lessen.
I guess my problem right now is it's keeping me from functioning and taking care of myself. I can't leave home, so I can't work. I want to work so bad, believe me. I live at my parents home still and they can't afford to get me more therapy. I'm starting to lose hope.
Anyone who has advice or anything that helps them, I would be so beyond grateful. I just want to get past this, or atleast be able to control it again so I can maybe find a job, finish school, and move in with my boyfriend.

[wanted]

I'm sorry you're going through all this. I really don't know what to say,except to go to therapy,but you said you couldn't afford it.
Have you finished high school?

[thebunnyworks]

Nope ): I had to drop out because I just couldn't handle it anymore. I got into an online program but it's kinda iffy, the school district doesn't much like stay-at-homes. I got put on Paxil when I first stopped going, but that didn't help. Still working at it, though. I even try to look for jobs I could do from home, but most you find on the internet are crap survey scams and stuff like that.

[wanted]

I'm sorry..this phobia is awful!!
I must say i had some kind of school phobia when i was 9. I stopped going to school cause of stomach pains. It wasn't real,i made myself that way. I don't know if that has to do sth with this emetophobia,probably yes cause i got it soon after that,i can't say for sure. I didn't go to school for 2 months,i was in psychiatry hospital for 2 weeks..i got some tablets for anxiety (as i remember) there,etc.. I don't know how that phobia ended and i'm so glad it did cause i watched some people have school phobia and don't go to school anymore :/
I don't know how to help you.. I hate what this phobia do to us.
What do your parents say about all that?

[Theurgist101]

I've had emetophobia for four years. A couple of things that I read online have helped me a lot.
- You will stay in the same spot and feel the same way every day unless you do SOMETHING ABOUT IT. The phobia will not just go away with time, YOU NEED TO PUT YOUR PART ALSO.
- The best way to conquer a fear is to FACE IT. As scary as it sounds, believe me, it works. When you normally get panic attacks, or feel nauseated, stay wherever you are, continue what you are doing and just bare with it. Don't deny and say ITS NOT GONNA HAPPEN, just accept it and cope with it. Let your subconscious mind know that everything is going to be okay. (SO ALWAYS STAY RELAXED DURING A PANIC ATTACK)
- Try to get off of any medication because this phobia is all you.

I've had emetophobia for a long time and have developed anorexia nervosa from it. These techniques and tips have helped me a lot and I still have lots of hope that my health and peace will return to me again. GOOD LUCK!

[FearNoStorm]

Hey. I'm sorry. And I know what you're going through - I spent a year barely at school at all.
Don't end your life. It's hard to feel sick all the time, but there's so much else to appreciate in it...
I'm no expert, but what's helped me - I will go outside a bit at a time, just staying near the house, until I'm comfortable, and then take it a bit farther each time. Once you've gotten used to it, you can try interacting again.
It's hard. I know. But you're strong. Tell yourself that.