How to be a mom??

[Mathelica]

I posted in the private forum then saw this one and thought I'd put myself out there twice in case one got more responses.

I'm in full panic mode. I went to check on my 6yo as I was going to bed and found him clutching his stomach and moaning in his sleep. I try to talk to my husband but he just doesn't get it and thinks by telling me "you'll be fine" that somehow it will take a phobia away?? He isn't afraid of anything, so I know he just doesn't get it.

I can barely stand being in the same house when my son is sick, and it takes an insane amount of will to hold him and comfort him, but more often than not if he starts looking green I banish him to his room with a bucket to ride it out by himself. I'm his mom! I should be there comforting him!! My mom used to hold my hair...and it takes all that's in me not to run out the front door screaming. I feel like a terrible mom!!!

I'm even more terrified of my 2yo at this point. My 6yo I can hand a bucket, and as bad as it is, make him fend for himself...but the two year old is unstoppable and you never know when or where it might happen. I'm seriously terrified of my kids and in full on panic mode at this point. I've tried in the past to have my husband stay home from work during these awful times, but he doesn't get it and thinks I should be able to handle it on my own and refuses to help me. I'm on my own. No one gets it!! I feel like a terrible mother for not being able to comfort my kids, not to mention the constant fear, panic and stress going on inside of me at every moment. It's 1:30 am and I'm exhausted but I'm too terrified to sleep. My son has a history of doing it in his sleep. It's terrible!!! I feel so awful and alone. Does anyone have anything???

[skdenn]

Too bad your husband doesn't get it. It would be nice to have someone on hand to comfort the kids when they're sick so that they'll be getting comfort when you can't be there. Do you have any other family members that could help out at times like this? Being afraid to comfort your kids when they have the stomach virus doesn't make you a bad mom. There are many people who have health conditions with a low immune system, such as transplant patients who have to take anti-rejection drugs. They have to try avoiding things like colds, flus, and stomach bugs. Some of those people have kids and I'm sure they try to have other people help out when the kids get sick. If you're there for your kids in every other way, I'm sure they'll understand when they get older that you have a phobia that makes it hard for you to be around sick people. I hope what I said helps a little.

Susan

[Mathelica]

It does help especially finding this place and just knowing I'm not alone. I don't really have anyone close who could help me unfortunately. My hubby takes over when he's home just bc he knows I'm all but useless, but he doesnt understand being all consumed with a fear, and I guess it would be hard to understand if you don't have a phobia. I've explained to him panic attacks, but I guess it's just not the same as talking to someone who actually has them.

I'm feeling a little better now, mostly bc he's resting and not moaning anymore. If we can get through the night we will be fine. He can watch tv in his room all day and he will be awake and aware...the worst time for him is when he's sleeping bc he will do it and not even notice. That's when my panic is the worst.

[twinmom73]

My ex's girlfriend has a son (he's a puker) who will vomit during the night, and not even wake up. He literally sleeps in it. EWWWW!!!! He seems to have grown out of it though.

[Murder-my-soul]

I know how you feel. I hate it. My mom always made me fend for myself when I was sick. She isn't emet but it was always a burden for her to care for me. Luckily for us both I hardly ever v*. I don't know what it's like to have someone hold your hair and rub your back when v* because I never had that. It always made my mom mad when I v*. I think that's how my fear started. Now I always fear I will v* in public or in front of someone. The embarrassment is something I would not be able to handle. Ugh.

I have a daughter who is 1 1/2. She has only v* once due to amoxocillin but I was holding her and when I heard that nasty noise I bent her over so she wouldn't v* on me. I don't have a fear of others v* unless it's contagious.

[Valen]

You are definitely not alone!! I have 3 kids, and no one to help me usually, when they get sick. And I completely freak out! Itis soooooo hard for me to help them. I get so scared im going to catch whatever it is. But with ALOT of praying, I always get thru it and never rarely get sick, and when i do get it..i never V* (knock on wood)! just try to stay calm, as difficult as it may be. and its actually a good thing to let him stay in his room for awhile, so he can get the rest he needs & wont spread it around (if its contagious)

[Amber Williams]

You're not alone girl. I have 3 kids and it's just heartbreaking to see your kids sick, and feeling in complete panic on top of that. Try to get a mask , wash your hands alot, and lyson/bleach things let us know how you're doing?! i hope you're okay.

[JessicaP]

I am in the exact same spot, my daughter is almost 4 and last year the flu came through my house a lot! I have always been afraid of vomit, the uncertainty of it and the fact that is smells and you just never know when its going to happen! It is something that has been a bother for me since i was younger! I constantly worry that Avrey will be sick at night or in the car, I lay awake listening for her and i also tend to speed cause im scared that if I dont get home fast enough, she will be sick in the car! Sometimes I feel like i am going crazy, that i shouldnt feel this way! Its that hardest thing that I am dealing with in my life, I am going to see a thearpist to see what helps, Has anyone found anything that helps them????

[MG-Mama]

I'm so glad, in a way, to see I'm not alone! I feel so bad that I can't take care of my kids "the right way" when they're sick. I'm trying so hard to be a good mom, but I can't deal with v***. I've gotten better, to the point that I can clean up after them, but I can't hold them or watch and I usually need a glass of wine or two to calm my nerves. I'm dreading the fall/winter season. Last year was my son's first year in school and we were all sick with various bugs for months. I had to deal with d*** twice myself, couldn't eat for days each time. I'm still trying to get over the panic attacks and now school is in again and I'm freaking out. I'm going to try the downloadable program that was suggested on this site a few months ago. I really want to be that mom that can be there for her kids. I want to break this cycle of fear and start enjoying my life a bit more, for my sake and my family's. My husband doesn't know my aversion is really a phobia that I can't control. I want to tell him, but I'm afraid he'll be angry with me, that he won't understand because he doesn't know what it's like. I hope you and your family will get through this unscathed. Just know that you're not alone in your feelings and that they don't make you a bad mom. I have several friends that pawn their kids off on the grandparents when they're sick because they can't handle it. I don't have anyone else to ask for help. I'm grateful to my husband for helping when he can.