New... bit annoyed/anxious

[PoisonIvy]

Okay so, I'm so glad to have found this site! It's pretty comforting to know I'm not the only one who has this problem. I honestly don't know where to start with this post, introduce myself? Jump straight into a rant?

Right well I'm 18, and I've had emetophobia since I was about 11 years old. However, my emet was never too bad until the start of this year. Before then I was always terrified of V* but it didn't consume my thoughts, I went out, ate out, drank alcohol... the only time my emet was bad was if someone around me V* or if I felt unwell. But since January I've been pretty bad, I've been obsessing with foods, checking dates, if something looks/smells odd I wont eat it. I've not ate meat for about a year and a half now either. I used to go days without eating much and my weight really fell. I stopped going out and staying at friends houses. I panicked like craaazy in school. I stopped drinking and going to parties and just tried to avoid people in general. It even stopped me from applying to college because I just couldn't bare the thought of sitting in a class with new people! BUT, I think I'm slowly getting better now, I do everything I want really, I'm still picky with foods and stuff but I force myself to eat, and I'm applying to college next year soo...

Anyway! I'm posting here 'cause even though from what I've read on here, my emets definitely not the worst! But, it still is pretty bad and I think about it all the time, especially at night. Today is my mums birthday, and I planned to get up at 7 to make her breakfast for coming in from work (she works during the night) and to give her presents. I've been trying to sleep since 1am, it's now just after 6:30am and I still have not slept! This happens every second night. One night I'll be up all night then the other I'll sleep 'cause I've been so tired, then the next night I'm up again! My stomachs felt pretty off tonight, and that's why I've not slept, even though I don't think I'll V*, I keep thinking "but I might, my stomach does hurt!" So yeah I'm annoyed cause I've not slept and I'm staying at my friends and I know I wont sleep there cause I always think "what if I wake up ill during the night at my friends!?"

So, am I the only one who loses so much sleep over this? And is it bad not sleeping? Like I always try sleep cause I know if I don't I will feel terrible the next day, but my stomach and brain wont let me sleep!
Thanks so much if you took time to read me rambling on aha (:

[EmmySiri]

Hello,

I'm 20 and I can relate almost entirely to you. you are definitely not alone in losing sleep (hence the late night posting spree I've been on) and yes, it is bad not sleeping. Not meaning to frighten you, but it has been said that not sleeping can reduce your immune system. Not sure if that's true, but i always try to sleep just in case.
I always feel *s if I don't sleep well, my stomach feels icky and acidy, so that's probably why you're feeling a bit unwell at the moment. I understand about not wanting to sleep at friends, but don't let it stop you going anyway. You could stay till late at night, then get a lift home? or you could just go for it? If you have taken hand washing precautions all day, then you will be fine.

Also, I almost didn't apply for university, but I forced myself to, and it was the best decision I ever made. Yes people do get *s after alcohol, and yes you will have to share a bathroom and kitchen etc, but I am in my second year now and live with 6 others, and only now has 1 person gotten a *sv.
I am much better with my emet thanks to uni, it made me stronger and more resilient, though I do still worry endlessly i don't let emet stop me from eating and doing things I wants to do. You will be fine, you probably have a muuuch better hygiene routine than most others simply because you are so aware of germs, which makes you a lot less likely to pick things up.

Good luck! xx