I'm LITERALLY afraid to DEATH!!!

[Uintah]

For as long as I remember I've always been emetophobic. Rarely does a day go by when I don't think about it. All I have to do is hear anyone mentioning someone is sick and I freak out even if its a fictional character on tv. I'm a mother of three and haven't been there for my kids when they've been sick. When my girls were little they used to apologize for being sick because it would upset me so badly. I would become angry at them and push them away because I'm so scared and then the guilt would set in. Ironically I get so stressed out that I make myself sick. One of my children could be watching tv and all they have to do is look serious and I'm convinced that they're going to be sick and then I start bugging them. I'm always using Lysol and antibacterial wipes and if someone mentions they have a stomach ache even if its just that they're full, I won't use the toilet they used. It's hard when there's only one toilet in the house!
That's not the worst of it. When someone is actually sick or its a good possibility they could become sick, I feel like I'm trapped in my body and I want to DIE! I'm talking go downstairs get my gun and blow my brains out. Unfortunately ways I've found to cope with this have not been good.
Today I found out that eight students at my daughters school threw up (I hate using these words) within fifteen minutes. I had a complete breakdown and if it wasn't for the thoughts of my eight month old son I don't know what would of happened. PLEASE is there anyone who can relate to this? I don't know how to fix this. I love my family and want to always be there for them.
HELP!!!!!

[Uintah]

I forgot to mention I have fears that certain things might make me sick. If I go to bed early I'm getting sick. If I fall asleep after I turn the tv off ill get sick. If a bus goes by and I breath the air around it ill get sick. I throw away perfectly good food because I'm afraid to get sick. If someone in a public place walks by holding their stomach I'm sure they're sick and ill get it. I am paralyzed by this!

[KimberlyP]

Aww, Uintah, that sounds so awful. You are in the right place though. Many people on here have this level of fear of it. I am completely petrified by it too. Have you thought about seeking professional help? The reason I ask is its really dangerous to have suicidal thoughts, even for just a moment. The thoughts can become a plan and then the plan an action. It sounds like you have beautiful children to live for. I recently started therapy and, I tell you what, just after two sessions, I'm feeling a lot better. I decided the day I needed help was when I ran away from my four year old son after he V. I left my little guy all alone to V. I decided then that I needed help. I forced myself to stay with him the next time he did it and then when my youngest got sick right after, I did the same and stayed by his side.
my therapist told me that I'm perceiving something to be a threat that isn't one. V is natural body function. I need to retrain my brain to understand that it's not a threat. I really think that you should find a therapist; Your emetophobia could be deeper than just a fear of it.

[k10]

I had fears this bad during the winter when everyone around me was getting the SV*. What helped me was to understand the facts of how and why people V*. Then your rational mind will KNOW that going to bed early, or breathing next to a moving bus will NOT make you sick. You can avoid touching your hands to your face, and always wash your hands very well before eating anything and then remind yourself that you do this consistently and you are VERY unlikely to get a SV* because you're so careful. Knowing that your food is fresh, washed, or fully cooked helps too. Focusing on things like this in your rational mind will make you feel so much better.

I also like to consider the reason someone is V*ing. If it's because they've overeaten, it disturbs me, but I find comfort in the fact that I can't catch it.

[Uintah]

Thanks for the advice. I have seen a lot of therapists but I've never talked about this. Until a few months ago I didn't even know there was a name for this. I felt alone and thought something was seriously messed up about me. My family and friends don't understand and they make fun of me when I stress about this. I can't believe I have people to talk to now! Thanks!

[Tonster]

Uintah, you are not alone. Not sure if you have read the other pages on this site, but there are some very helpful ones that can explain you are not alone. I used them to show my husband exactly how I felt when someone may be sick. It helped him realise that as an emetophobia sufferer we would rather die than get sick, its that serious. So he will be a bit more patient with me. You can get better, even with your kids, because they can give you strength, because the last thing we would want is for them to fear v* like we do. Throughout the day I am always reminding myself that it is not harmful, and it can not harm me in any way, and it is not dangerous. It is not dangerous. Take care, hugs

[crd08]

When I feel really sick or when I imagine getting sick I would rather die. Like, legit, if I had to chose I think I would honestly consider death. Which when I am in a calm state again, really upsets me. I hate that I could even think of something like that. You are not alone, just keep hanging in there. Keep fighing

[SUM1]

For as long as I remember I've always been emetophobic. Rarely does a day go by when I don't think about it. All I have to do is hear anyone mentioning someone is sick and I freak out even if its a fictional character on tv. I'm a mother of three and haven't been there for my kids when they've been sick. When my girls were little they used to apologize for being sick because it would upset me so badly. I would become angry at them and push them away because I'm so scared and then the guilt would set in. Ironically I get so stressed out that I make myself sick. One of my children could be watching tv and all they have to do is look serious and I'm convinced that they're going to be sick and then I start bugging them. I'm always using Lysol and antibacterial wipes and if someone mentions they have a stomach ache even if its just that they're full, I won't use the toilet they used. It's hard when there's only one toilet in the house!
That's not the worst of it. When someone is actually sick or its a good possibility they could become sick, I feel like I'm trapped in my body and I want to DIE! I'm talking go downstairs get my gun and blow my brains out. Unfortunately ways I've found to cope with this have not been good.
Today I found out that eight students at my daughters school threw up (I hate using these words) within fifteen minutes. I had a complete breakdown and if it wasn't for the thoughts of my eight month old son I don't know what would of happened. PLEASE is there anyone who can relate to this? I don't know how to fix this. I love my family and want to always be there for them.
HELP!!!!!

Hmm. That sounds extreme, but I can really relate to that to an extent.

[Ashleen]

I can very very much relate to everything you've said. I am a mom of two and it is just so sooo hard. My oldest is going to kindergarten next year and I am terrified. I'm just like you with thinking my kids are sick when ever they are too serious, or upset and I don't know why, or anytime my son rests his hand on his belly (he's two and does this a lot for no apparent reason). At the end of the summer I plan on going to my first therapy appointment and just knowing I'm going makes it feel like there is at least a little bit of light at the end of this tunnel. I've also found this site very helpful... although sometimes I do have to back off because it can be a bit triggering for me... it is nice to see so many people that think just like me and understand my way of thinking... it is also where I run too when I am in a panic and it always makes me feel a bit better.