My story (probably a long post but kind of good to type!)

[sgm]

It's only now I'm 21 that I look back and can make sense of things so that is what has sort of inspired this post, I wondered if anyone has experienced the same sort of story as me too, I'd be interested to know.

Basically, ever since (sounds dramatic...) I was born, I've hated v*. I've never had one incident that triggered it, I just have always hated it. My earliest memory is me asking my mum on a daily basis (usually at bathtime) "have I eaten a lot today?" "no" she'd reply, and I'd say "good that means I won't be sick then". So thinking back even at a really tender age of 3/4/5 etc etc I have hated it. Luckily in my life I haven't v* much (I could probably recall all events on one hand).

However when I got to around 13/14 I just developed emetophobia. I say developed because it wasn't until this age that it had interrupted my life. I can't remember what bought it to the forefront or at that particular age but I remember constantly thinking I was going to v*, shaking at night and worrying (which obviously caused me to feel sick even more). I was around 14/15 when I started to feel sick constantly, or if I didn't, was more aware of my stomach etc. I was then developing strange little routines of eating certain foods (though not going without, I always ate well) and when eating larger meals, eating it in my room. However the saviour throughout this time was school. I did enjoy school and it took my mind off of it, of course I did sometimes feel sick at school but I was getting the hang of it being "just feeling a bit sick". However around this time it was developing further and I remember the six weeks holiday of 2007 (I remember dates and times pretty well oddly) I used to stay awake pretty much everynight because I'd go to bed feeling sick, it was a ritual I'd got myself into. Some nights wern't as bad as others and I'd usually drop off around 3-4am.

It was around this time that I genuinally began to think I had some sort of disease or something because I felt sick almost constantly. It's only now that I realize what was happening, I had anxiety and obsessed over it. Words that I never knew back that. In a way I'm kind of glad I didn't know about it actually being a phobia (I didn't even know it was called emetophobia until last year). I'm glad I didn't know I probably had some sort of OCD/Anxiety over it. In a way I stayed a 'normal' teenager for much longer than I may have (if that makes sense).

Anyway, i cannot recall the turning point whatsoever, but by the time I left school (which was 2008 but I stayed on a year until 2009) I was totally "free" of emet. I think going to school everyday and having a more outgoing social life must've made it passed. It must have. so from around 2008 until 2012 I was emet free. Of course I still hated v* and feeling sick but those situations never arose during that time to make me panic about them.

It wasn't until July last year that it all returned bigger and badder than ever. Wisdom comes with age they say! I basically ate something that upset me and made me feel extremely sick (I can't even describe how bad it was, I'm surprised I didn't actually v*) I started to dry heave and it was awful, i was awake all night feeling ill and continued to dry heave the next morning. I was scared out my whits. I hate the feeling so much.

Ever since that night I haven't been the same, after that I was so anxious all the time, looked exhausted, developed all these "new" symptoms like throat nausea, needing to burp constantly, the return of feeling sick daily, the obsessing over certain things. So I guess I've done this post because as it's a year of it starting up again (last year) I am sort of wondering, will it pass? Could it pass? It did in that 5 years between 08-2012.

__

I guess I'm not sure what I posted this for, but it's my story and I read some of you guys versions and some are so sad and much more serious than I. But I suppose the thing you could take from my story is that it DID pass, I was emet free for 5 years and had that incident last year not happened, I probably still would be. I say emet free, I probably mean "having emet but it's not in your mind" type thing XD.

[johnbass]

a very familiar story........ the only thing I can say to comfort you is.. you're not alone. Its such a shame that we feel sick all the time when there is nothing wrong with us... apart from being scared of being sick! Like you I have had emet all my life but id say the last 4 years or so has been worse. I don't know if I will ever not be scared of it. I know id pay good money to rid myself of this phobia..... I envy people who can vomit with ease and without panic

[jparsons93]

You're story sounds almost identical to mine! Although we think we know where my emet stems from. When I was 2 we had to move in with my grandma because she was diagnosed with terminal cancer. She of course took chemo and we all know that ivolves lots of v*. My parents believe that is how my phobia developed and I associate v* with death.

[sgm]

Thanks for the replies people.

(as I type this I have 'throat nausea', grand eh?). There is probably a lot more to have added to the original post but that's just kind of the idea of what my story is up til' now.

It's strange because when feeling sick it's like a 50/50 situation in my mind, I've never actually been sick through emet, but then when I'm having an attack or whatever, I always think "but this COULD be the first time", so it's sort of like I can never take my own advice.

I suppose though it is kind of a message of hope because like I said, I was free of it for 4/5 years and it's sort of rebooted up again. It will be a year next week since it flared up again, so I'm not looking forward to that day because I'm terrible at reflecting back. I get flashbacks regularly about that night last year where I felt horrendously bad. It was sort of the beginning of why I'm typing this now. It's a strange strange phobia because somewhere, in your mind, it's constantly there.

[missj]

One thing that stuck out to me was asking your mom if you've eaten a lot that day. I remember one time we had a babysitter over at our house and she made cookies. We never ate dessert at our house so I wasn't used to lots of sugar. I ate three of them and v* that night. Another time right after Halloween I chewed bubble gum (I must have chewed upwards of 10 different pieces) until the sugary taste ran out then I would pop a new one in. Same thing, that night I v*. For about 5 years after that I avoided junk food and foods with sugar in them like the plague because I was convinced that's what had made me v*. Unfortunately restricting like that led to an eating disorder. Thanks for sharing your story.