Today during my psychology class, we talked about taste aversion--that is,when people avoidthe foods theyate before vomiting or feeling nauseated because they now associate the taste with getting sick. You can probably see where this is going.


When my emetophobia and anxiety "peaked" last year, I developed an aversion to food in general. Every time I started to eat something, my mind would convince me I felt nauseated and I would have to stop. It got to the point where Iwanted to cry everytime I tasted, smelled, or sometimes even when I thought about food. I quickly losta lot of weight, thought my lack of appetite was a symptomof a deadlydisease, and, because I couldn't imagine these horrible feelings ever going away, felt hopeless and disgusting.


So I'm sitting there in psych, having powerful memories of that experience and feeling upset enough. But then the TA asks people to share their experiences with taste aversion.After listening to classmate after classmate tell stories about throwing up various foods, I decided I had to get out of that room. So I got up and walked out--I'm sure everyone noticed--and went to the nearest restroom.


I sat down, concentrated on my breathing, and kept telling myself "Iam very healthy right now...my stomach feels good today...these are just feelings...these feelingsare temporary...I can control my feelings..." I also stared at the floor tiles, arranging them with my eyes into soothing designs. I managed to keep my anxiety below the level of panic, and after about seven minutes, I felt better. I planned what I was going to say if anyone questioned me. I decidedto tell my TA, because she has a masters degree in psych and is likely to understand the truth, so maybe she wouldn't let our class discussions dwell on vomit in the future. I also needed to catch up on any notes I'd missed. And I decided to tell anyone else I'd had an important phone call.


So I head back to class, feeling a bit nervous and embarrassed. And guess what happens? I come back to the room to find it COMPLETELY EMPTY. The class and the TA are gone, and so is their stuff. Only my stuff remains at my desk--including my laptop which no one had stolen or tampered with, thank God. I don't know whetherthe class ended early or ifeveryone hadgone on a "field trip." But I just left, not knowing what to do...


Yuck. Great. Now my stomach is starting to feel upset...Edited by: juliet