Okay, I don't know where to start, but I need to get some junk off my chest right now. I'm feeling really bummed. I've always love, love, loved Christmas. It's just that this year it's pretty sucky. Since Jeremy's the only one working, money has been super tight lately. I'm talking the 'I'm tempted to start rolling change' kind of tight. We've pretty much finished up the Christmas shopping for the kids and I'm embarrassed at how few gifts we were able to afford. I know that's not what this time of year is all about, but it makes me feel like a bad parent. And then I can't help but think about the new baby on his/her way. It's like, if we're having such a hard time with three, how will we ever provide for four. To top the whole money situation off, it looks like my husband may be losing his job soon. He's a supervisor and the word around the company is that his entire department will soon be outsourced to India. If that happens, what the heck are we going to do? There was a time when our first baby was about 6 months old and we had to live in a motel. We can't live like that again.


One more thing that has added toall this crap is the fact that I just found out my 18 year old little brother isaddicted to and abusing Loritab. My mom called me yesterday crying and upset and let me know that she had to kick him out after he becameverbally abusive and punched a hole in the wall. She foundout about the drug abuse via oneof his friends. I'm worried about my brother. I'm worried about my mom and my dad. She has high blood pressure and a family history of heart problems and mydad is really overweight so I'm sure his heart isn't the greatest either. I don't know how much stress they can take.


I like to believe that everything happens for a reason, but I'm having a difficult time seeing the silver lining in all of these clouds.