I hate this feeling
i hate this fear
i just want to die.

I wish i would, so i wouldnt have to live through this and deal with this anymore..
there is a thing called the suicidal pill i wish i had some. i dont want to live through this anymore, its too hard to deal with its too stressfull im going to have ulcers by 30 i sware!

i try to brainwash mysself by saying there is nothing wrong with V*, its ok to V*, I HAVE NO REASON TO BE SCARED, AND YET.. im still scared.

right now as we speak im a little shaky, crying, im still nervouse about getting the SV from the exposure. in 2 it will be 72 hours since i walked into that apt. , and in 5 hours it will be 72 hours since i left their place..