I wanted to come on here and share my story since its been near a
year since I have been on the forum and I don't recognize quite a
few screen names anymore.

I have had emetophobia since I was about 11 years old. I don't know
honestly to this day what it was that triggered it. I did have a lot of
stressful events that happened around this age. My mom and dad
both remarried and after being a only child forever I had three step
sisters and also a new half brother. That alone was stressful on me.
So I began to stop eating in fear that I would v*
During this time my brother was also near 3 years old and he was
lactose intolerant. He would have horrible bouts of violent v* from
milk. Not only this but he tended to get sv* a lot as a kid and it was
always real scary for me. He would have projectile v* and I would
lock myself in my bedroom.
Basically for about two years I was anorexic in fear of v*ing. In my
teen years though I could still be a passanger in a car, ride an
airplane, go to amusement parks...etc.

Then all of a sudden I realized in my early twenties that I get motion
sickness easily. So then I avoided riding in cars with people. I only
drive myself places. I don't ride on planes or go on boats.

I got married 4 years ago when I was 24. My husband said he would
be there for me as best he could but the first year of our marriage
was rocky to say the least. Whenever I felt n* I would panic and only
think about "what if I get s*!?" I would be extremely near abusive to
my husband when he would try to console me. He would try to calm
me but I would just yell at him and call him mean names and not
even remember it the next day. I would want to be alone so I would
shut him out completely. It caused many problems... we had even
admitted to ourselves at one point we weren't happy and were on the
verge of divorce. Once I was married I always feared my husband
getting s* with the sv* He is in the army so the first tour of Iraq in
2007 was welcoming to me because then I would be ALONE and no
one would be living with me that could have a sv* that was a horrible
thing to think.

During that deployment I made a command decision to change
myself while he was gone. I would change myself for the better. I
finally after seeing probably ten therapists found a fabulous
psychologists who finally told me that what I was doing was all
behavorial. That it was up to me to make the difference. I needed to
change the way I think and things I tell myself.

I am so happy to report that in the year that my husband returned
from 2008 to current. He even has seen such an improvement. I
have learned how to recognize anxiety and how to just kind of
acknowledge it and redirect my thoughts. I can usually talk myself
out of a panic attack within ten minutes. I don't yell at my husband
anymore. I can tell the difference between anxiety induced n* and n*
which honestly 95% of the n* is anxiety induced.


During this year I have gone from pitfalls to triumphs. I just wanted
to share those with you. It helps me to remember that I can do this.

During this summer my husband woke up at 4 am was s* a few times
and my bathroom is in our bedroom and he didn't have time to shut
the door. The entire time my heart was racing through my chest but I
forced myself to listen to it. As bad as I wanted to I did NOT cover or
plug my ears. The pitfall was I cleaned the entire bathroom with
bleach and would not use it until I did but atleast I listened to him v*
and was able to sleep right afterward.

Then I went to an ice cream social for military families last month.
There were a ton of kids there. For one I actually ATE out