Hey everyone, I just joined at 1AM (East Coast USA) and I'm STILL awake because both of my girls have it and I've been battling one panic attack after another ALL NIGHT LONG.

I don't remember the incident that set me off into this phobia, but I hate bars. I don't drink more than 1 or 2 drinks and get upset if others around me do. I have to force myself to send my kids to school/preschool if I hear that someone in their class has had it recently. I HATE to cook because of the mess it makes and the dirty dishes. I don't watch TV shows or movies where someone might v* in it, or if it's a movie and it catches me off guard, I curl up in a ball with my fingers in my ears until someone can tell me it's over. When my kids v* near me, I try my best to tough it out until my hubby can take over, but I'm fighting the racing heartbeat, sweating, shaking, hot/cold flashes, and IBS symptoms the whole time. I'm on Cymbalta for depression and anxiety which is what allows me to tough it out at all (used to be I couldn't), but now, it's starting to be less effective than it used to.

So, I'm terrified because my 6 yr old daughter woke up hubby and me because she had just v*ed in her bed. Hubby knows the drill and understands my phobia TO A POINT. So he took her downstairs and got her set up on the couch with a sheet and bucket so he could keep the wash going, and he is going in and out of sleep on the couch. I opened the windows in her room and set up an exhaust fan to get the smell out (almost froze her poor bunny rabbits!) So, then she asked for pretzels about an hour and a half later, kept them down (thank God!)

But, I still keep a baby monitor in the 3 year old daughter's room, just in case. So, I hear her cough, run in, no problem, just a cough. 1 more time, just a cough. 3rd time, not so lucky. Ugh. Only a little bit (she has had d* off and on for a day or so, so she's been on a bland diet anyway), so I get her in the tub to wash her hair and get hubby to get those sheets into the wash now. We get her set up on the loveseat with a sheet and just as I return with the bucket (6 year old is sound asleep on couch through all this) she gets that look on her face and I get there just in time. So, I am doing better this time then I usually do, but I'm still terrified to go downstairs into the family room again! I just want to hide in my bedroom all day until I'm sure the v*ing is over!

My hubby is supposed to volunteer at church this morning (he runs the sound board for our children's service) and I told him he needs to find a substitute, he can't leave me alone with 2 sick kids. I'm terrified he won't be able to find anyone! My parents live too far to help, and my mother in law would never understand. Please, Lord, let this blow through quickly and not affect my hubby or me!

I feel like such a terrible mom because I can't soothe my kids when they are sick like this. I can handle d*, I can handle stuffy nose, fever, or any type of injury, but I cannot handle it when people v* near me - not even my own babies! We were thinking about trying to conceive another child and now I'm not so sure I can handle it!

I was really praying the s*v* was going to skip us this year, but apparently not.

I really could use some support as I feel terribly alone and afraid right now.

Thanks for reading my novel,
Becky