it's only my second day here and i already feel a sense of calm....i know i have a place to go where people understand exactly how i feel......i've lived with this for 50 years....but just recently discovered that i am not the only one that has this horrific fear. it amazes me that i can recall with great detaill everytime i've v or been around someone v.....even after all these years.....its always on my mind....it has totally dictated my life.

yesterday i finally wrote an email to my mom and sisters explaining emetophobia......hoping they would understand my weirdness all these years. they moved 3000 miles away about 20 years ago which has been really hard on all of us.....i can't fly, take a train and a road trip in the car is also pretty scarey. i wasn't able to be there when my dad was dying a few years ago....my sisters didnt understand it...hopefully they do now. i'm sad that i will probably never see my mom again.....she's 85 and i havent seen her in over 10 years.......this is a horrible way to live.....and when i'm having a good day i can;t make sense of it......but all i have to hear is that someone i know is sick....or there is a bug going around and i am off the chart nervous. i have never told my husband.....or friends......because it just seems so damn silly....but thankfully my husband is like me and enjoys staying around the house, etc so don't have to make many excuses for not wanting to go out. i do worry about people he comes in contact with at work and bringing home germs.....i have my own business and have very little contact with the public.

well i know this post is kind of all over the place but just wanted to say that i'm soooooo
excited to find all of you who understand........look forward to making some friendships and hopefully finding some peace in all of this anxiety......