My daughter had a gastro bug 3 weeks ago.
I never realised I had emet as bad as I do until then.
It started on a Thursday, everything was fine, she was a bit grizzly (she just turned 2 this week so doesn't speak many words). She didn't want tea but can be a fussy eater so I never thought anything of it. I gave her a bath and put her to bed, she didn't want me to leave her but I did because she is hitting that difficult terrible twos where they push the boundaries.
I went to do the dishes and she started screaming so I ran to her room and she had v* everywhere and did it again as I turned on the light. I went straight into a full blown panic attack and called my mum and my boyfriend (her dad) to come over right then and there.
I let them clean it up and deal with it while I went outside.
She v* 3 more times that night and I spent the night awake in full panic attack mode.
The weekend was ok, she was fine so I let my guard down that it was a 24 hour bug and she was over it.
She woke up on the monday night v* again and I went straight into panic attack again. I couldn't get hold of her dad so had to call my mum and get her to come over at 1am, for which I still feel bad.
Since then I have spent the last 3 weeks in a state of constant anxiety, always monitering her food and checking constantly to see if she will be sick again or not.
I am taking diazepam every night and have been giving her phenergan at night, though I can't give it to her every night as it is addictive.
Her father and I don't live together at the moment, we are in a relationship but living apart for a while.
I am not coping at all at night time, in the past week I have had 4 seperate full blown panic attacks for fear of her potentially v*, and I can't do this anymore. All I want to do is run away, I hate being alone at night, I want to give her to my mum because I can't live with this constant fear.
I want to get some help, but it is a huge cost as a single mum and being a student as well.
I can't live like this anymore, my Dr has just given me anti-anxiety pamphlets which are no help at all, I have lived with anxiety for the last 12 years.
I am only 28, alone, frightened and on the edge.
I don't know what to do anymore.
I dread being at home alone with my daughter and it's so hard because she just wants me when she is sick.
I feel like the worlds worst parent right now, and everyone around me is just telling me to "get over it" because there is no other choice.
I can't do this anymore.
Sorry, am not looking for pity or anything,, just needed to get it out to people who might understand just how wretched I feel right now.
Cheers