Hi everyone,
I am new here and wanted to ask your advice. I am 29 years old and have a really severe form of this phobia ever since I can remember. I have a wonderful boyfriend who I have been in a relationship with for just over a year and feel like my phobia is going to ruin things between us. He likes to go out and drink on special occasions, and when he does I tend to get really paranoid about what will happen. Last night we celebrated his birthday, and his best friend spends most of his time drunk, so I am not too happy when he comes around. Anyways, I have explained my fear to my bf many times, and we came to an agreement that he wouldn't drink too much. He had a couple of saki shots at dinner in a short amount of time (his friend was kind of pressuring him to drink a lot) and I got scared and wanted to go home. He said I ruined his birthday and I cried for hours feeling guilty. He isn't mad anymore, and I think I made this a much bigger issue than it was because of my guilt, but I am afraid my irrational fear is going to put a huge strain on us. He is amazing and I know he is patient with my issues, but I feel like I am keeping him from having fun. I have this guilt ridden feeling that I get when my children are sick and I have to run away, and my bf never throws up when he drinks but I always worry that I will be there for that "one time" he does. He doesn't drink heavily often at all since we have been together, but I don't want him to feel like I am controlling because I throw a fit when he wants to. He is totally over the birthday dinner but I keep bringing it up because I feel bad. Uggh, so frustrating! I am so tired of this fear destroying my life and those around me. I really want to get help, but I have limited insurance, and not much money as I am a full time student. I am horrified of exposure therapy... don't see how that could help much but make me more traumatized.

So I guess my question is... have any of you experienced strain on your relationships because of this? I really don't want to drive this poor guy crazy with this stupid fear. How have you dealt with this? Any ideas or advice would be greatly appreciated! Sorry for rambling on... just upset and worried as usual... thank you for your help!