I don't know if it's just me, but whenever my partner or close friends suggest I should try and go back into therapy to overcome my emet, I can't really say for sure if I'd want to. From the age of 4, my parents had to hide bars and pumps of soap every night, because apparnetly I would sleepwalk to the bathrooms 10 - 15 times a night just to wash my hands, and from there it developed into something I'm almost (ironically) scared to live without. Part of me wants to know what it would feel like to live a fear-free life and do everything without a single 'abnormal' or irrational care in the world, but part of me feel almost protected by my phobia - it's like a giant (horrible) cotton-wool ball around me that helps me avoid any sort of situation where I'd encounter v*.
I think it's because I've never known what it's like NOT to ahve this fear, I cannot comprehend what it would feel like to genuinely not have it! In my head, I think to myself that if I DID cure myself, I would never be able to protect myself from it because I wouldn't take the same precautions I take now, etc. However, surely I wouldn't MIND being s* because it would no longer be a fear? I just don't know - but I have very little faith in ever being fully rid of this. A life without emet is completely and utterly alien to me - I genuinely can't ever see myself without it.

Does anyone else get this??