Hello, my name is Becca and I am a new member to this website which I discovered a while ago researching "the fear of puking" but never really had the motive to join I guess. Well, now I do and I am in desperate need of help and just want to get to the meat and potatoes of this thing.
So I am 17 years old and have suffered from many different phobias since I was 5 because I have GAD. Since I entered high school, a new paralyzing phobia I have that took another chunk of my life away is the phobia of puking. Now when I say that, I mean that I am afraid of having an anxiety attack and puking from it. And you that have GAD know how the thoughts race and so when I'm worrying about having an anxiety attack and puking, it's going to happen. Normally my phobias stem from what I like to refer to as mini post traumatic stress triggers and this whole puking thing started when I was 14, a freshman in high school. I was dating my first boyfriend and his parents took us out to eat and as I was eating I started to feel nauseous so I went to the bathroom and I puked. I felt somewhat better and just thought it was the food so I didn't eat anymore but also didn't want to be rude making my first impression on his parents so I got a box of the food to go. Right when we were walking out, I felt it come on again and had to go to the bathroom again and puke before we left. I was conviced it was the food. Then on the ride home, I felt it coming on again and I had to improvise so I ripped off the hood of my coat (it had buttons so you could) and bent forward and just puked all in my hood. The kicker? His parents didn't even notice so I had to cradle my hood until I got home and then cleaned myself up and they still didn't notice. From that day on, my new phobia progressed and I would puke at school almost 2 to 3 times a day between passing period because I would randomly get this urge to gag and didn't want to embarass myself in front of my boyfriend at the time so I would just go to the bathroom and on my worst days all I would puke up was bile because I didn't eat before or during school. I had to advise a safety plan and make sure I didn't have anything in my stomach to puke up around my boyfriend. 2 boyfriends later and I still have this problem but I have gotten a little bit better. I am now in relationship with the boy that made the other two look like lessons learned and we have been dating for 7 months. It was weird because when we actually started dating, I could eat around him and even go out to eat without him and not be anxious enough to puke. With that said, I never brought up my disorder to him. 3 months into our relationship, his parents took us out to dinner which wasn't the first time as they had before and I was totally fine. Well, we were riding home and I felt it come up and I puked in his parent's car and they definitely noticed and they were very understanding as I apologized and was mortified and told me everything was ok. They were convinced it was the food. Later that night I ended up telling my boyfriend and he told me it wasn't a problem but more of an understanding but I still am wound up about what happened and am having to limit what I do like I did in my previous relationship but not as severely. I still cannot and refuse to go out to eat with his parents by just telling him that I can't. His parents are still unaware. And anywhere we go I have to drive so I'm not anxious to puke in his car and driving takes my mind off of it. So I feel like I'm punishing him with my prohibitations but he denies it. I have been going to therapy and have been on meds since I was 13 but that was a different phobia then. I want to live a free life without all these limitations. Any feedback?