Hello,
I haven't posted on here in a while, thinking that I may have been doing better with this whole phobia. But as always, it's come back to kick me. It's come to my awareness that I don't think i'll ever be capable of having children. Why? Morning sickness, and childrens' frequent V*ing. If i never recover from this phobia, I honestly don't think I could handle it.

My second point... i woke up this morning to my husband informing me his cousin's 5-month-along pregnant wife was throwing up and went to the hospital to make sure nothing was wrong with the baby. He is now driving his cousin to see the wife and babysitting their two kids. I, being afraid of anything possibly SV related, realize that he's walking into a hotbed for possible SV germs by babysitting at his cousin's apartment where someone was V*ing all morning. He asked me to go along with him, but I rejected the offer, because of my fear. And I told him to be careful because he might be walking into a hotbed full of norovirses.

He responded very angrily. Telling me i'm selfish for thinking only of my fear when his cousin's wife and the baby along the way could be in jeopardy. He told me he's "dumbfounded" at where my priorities are. How i place my fear first over the concern of other people's health and wellbeing.

I am telling this here, in this forum, because I have no one else to turn to. I am terrified he is going to bring home SV germs, get an SV himself, and then eventually i'm going to have to go through a living nightmare because I can't deal with V*ing. And I guess this phobia is, indeed, making me a selfish a-hole. I should be caring about my husband's cousin's wife.... but i am so.... freaking.... scared. It's all consuming. I am concerned for her, but that doesn't mean I want to expose myself to possible SV's.

Anyways, my husband hates me right now. I don't know what to do. I thought I had been doing well fighting off this phobia recently. I've been having fewer panic attacks, fewer obsessively terrifying "what-if" thoughts... but also I haven't been exposed to any foreseeable V* germs lately. I guess this next step in trying to get better is a crushing failure. He doesn't get it, he doesn't get me. Emetophobia is ruining my life, locking me indoors, afraid of being around others, even others I care about. And i suppose he is right for calling me a selfish a-hole. I honestly think (and in a way hope) that his cousin's wife is merely experiencing a bout of illness that won't put anyone's lives at jeopardy, but my husband is convinced otherwise.

I really. really, really just want to run away right now. From everything.

Thanks for reading.