I am so sick of feeling this way! I can't believe that I am telling myself that I shouldn't have children because of this. I am just bawling writing this post. Today has been one of the hardest days every, and nothing huge happened. I just think everything has hit me hard today. I even lost it in front of a coworker today. I don't cry in front of people! I am so mad at myself for letting it get this bad. They said that is isn't our fault, but then why do I feel like I am the most stupid person out there for felling like this. I had take out today from a place I always eat at. I am now freaking out that I may get s* from it. What happens if the person cooking it wasn't wearing glove/washed his hands/was sick?? I don't hear a lot of it in my direct area, but that doesn't meant that I know everyone who has it! I want to do CBT therapy, but I do NOT want to see someone get sick!! I was reading in some anxiety book that someone could not have emet with the fear of BOTH seeing someone v* or v* themselves. Um, I DO! I freak out with the before the most! The thought of it gets me more, but that doesn't meant me v* won't shove me over the edge! And seeing someone do it? HA! Don't get me started!

I just need someone to tell me it is going to be ok. I don't want to feel like this any more. I want my life back! I can't get my mind off of things. I can't think about work. I just want to get home into my bubble and never leave! I want to go back on my meds, but that makes me feel like a failure of a want to be mother. How can I put my child through this? What did they do? NOTHING! Sorry that your mother is a freak and can't even get out of her own head! God, I feel like a freak and such a stupid person! God, help me!