Hi,

I really cannot take any more of feeling like this it is completely ruining my life I wont even touch a door handle.

I couldn't even attend my hospital appointment yesterday at the fracture clinic , so I now have an arm that's out of place but I cant attend the hospital because I am too scared.

Scared to be around my family, I am scared of anything and I cannot do anything for myself I constantly have to depend on others , where as a year ago today , thats how long I have had this phobia , I done everything for myself and worked in nursing and dealt with this all the time.

I am 20 I need a life , I need my job back , my friends and my familys love and support , Right now I have NOTHING.

To top it off I spend 90% of my life feeling sick and feeling just generally unwell , I really don't know what else to do anymore.

I have tried CBT and I have tried medication , nothing helps.

Maybe if I just give myself something horrible ( dont know what and do not know how I will pluck up the courage to do so ) but maybe if I just do it and make myself throw up a few times it will help me?? It's a crazy , mental idea I know but I really do not have any suggestions left!!

Fed up with being so weak and selfish.

Can someone just email me or speak to me maybe , its [email protected] .. .. I am really sorry for posting such a load of junk I just don't know where to turn anymore and have spent half of this morning looking up suicide notes on line to see what I should put on mine. I have lost it completely , It has finally beaten me.

I am so sorry , once again,

Sam.
xxxx