I'm a 23 year old woman, and I've been lurking for a while, so I decided to finally register and post. I'm just letting you know ahead of time, that the second part of my post is graphic. You see, I'm both an emetophobe and an emetophile. Yes, you read that right, I'm an emetophile, and I'll go over that in the second part of my post.

First the phobic aspect. I'm afraid of throwing up from something such as noro, but my phobia in incredibly mild compared to most people here. Additionally, I'm only afraid of getting sick myself. I do take basic precautions (such as keeping my fingers out of my mouth unless I just washed them, as well as washing my hands after touching ATM keypads, electronic store pens, and public door handles) but I'm not haunted on a daily basis by fearful feelings. The thought of getting sick doesn't even cross my mind.

In fact, I haven't always been phobic, I didn't even realize my fear until I was 21. The last time I actually puked was when I was 16, back in 2006, from a virus. I wasn't scared at all when it happened. However, I was shocked and very surprised, as prior to that incident, I hadn't been sick since I was 8. I was even able to laugh about it less than 5 minutes after it happened. Fast forward to summer of 2011, when I had a VERY close call. Though I didn't realize it, I had suddenly become lactose intolerant, so I kept eating dairy products. TMI: I had diarrhea 2-4 times a day every day for 2 weeks strait, but other than that, I felt fine. One fateful night, I basically overdosed on the dairy. On July 3rd, 2011, around 11:15 pm, I felt sudden rumblings in my gut, so I knew it was time for a crap. This time was different, as I didn't feel better afterwards. Before long, nausea started to build, until it got to the point of being uncomfortable. As the sick feeling grew, so did my sudden fear. I was very sweaty, my heart was beating way too fast, and I was actually trembling. I thought, "No, just NO! This cannot be! This can't be happening to me! But...why am I so afraid?" Three hours later, I was on the brink of actually puking, and I was curled up in the fetal position in the shower, on the verge of tears. I won't lie, I wanted my mother.

Alas, I never did throw up. Using willpower, I was able to defeat the nausea. It was a truly agonizing several hours, but I did it.

I'm not 100% sure why it took so long for my phobia to manifest, but I think it has something to do with the philia aspect, which only gets more intense the older I get. My biggest arousal is also one of my biggest fears.


Now I'm going to discuss my emetophilia, so if that subject might upset you, I highly suggest that you don't read any further. Please refrain from calling me a disgusting freak.

I've been an emetophile ever since I can remember, even back in pre school. To put it bluntly, I get very aroused when I see, hear, or think about an attractive guy puking. I won't get into detail about the pleasuring effects it has on me, you'll just have to take my word for it. I get rather, uh, exited in the pants if a guy even mentions feeling sick. The thought of taking care of a guy who is sick is also arousing to be. Keep in mind, I NEVER want anybody to be ill, but I can't help my arousal. For years I thought that I was disgusting, that I was a freak, that I was the only person on the planet aroused by this. When I was 17, I discovered that there are others like me, so I didn't feel so weird anymore.

I'd be happy to answer any emetophilia related questions you might have for me, as long as they aren't disrespectful.