For as long as I remember I've always been emetophobic. Rarely does a day go by when I don't think about it. All I have to do is hear anyone mentioning someone is sick and I freak out even if its a fictional character on tv. I'm a mother of three and haven't been there for my kids when they've been sick. When my girls were little they used to apologize for being sick because it would upset me so badly. I would become angry at them and push them away because I'm so scared and then the guilt would set in. Ironically I get so stressed out that I make myself sick. One of my children could be watching tv and all they have to do is look serious and I'm convinced that they're going to be sick and then I start bugging them. I'm always using Lysol and antibacterial wipes and if someone mentions they have a stomach ache even if its just that they're full, I won't use the toilet they used. It's hard when there's only one toilet in the house!
That's not the worst of it. When someone is actually sick or its a good possibility they could become sick, I feel like I'm trapped in my body and I want to DIE! I'm talking go downstairs get my gun and blow my brains out. Unfortunately ways I've found to cope with this have not been good.
Today I found out that eight students at my daughters school threw up (I hate using these words) within fifteen minutes. I had a complete breakdown and if it wasn't for the thoughts of my eight month old son I don't know what would of happened. PLEASE is there anyone who can relate to this? I don't know how to fix this. I love my family and want to always be there for them.
HELP!!!!!