As I said in my most recent thread, I am finding myself on this more and more. I can't watch myself deteriorate again and live in constant fear of throwing up. I have relapsed before, but haven't in about 3 years.. I've done so well until my boyfriend and I of a year broke up. I know it may not seem long but when you spend every second together for a whole year it seems like a lifetime. Anyways, I just feel so desperately lost and consumed by fear, enxiety an pain. My love is gone and he was truly my comfort to this phobia. I know horrible it was to let someone or something that isn't permanent be my crutch, comfort etc. but it happened regardless and now that he is gone I'm left with nothing but my thoughts and fears that are so consuming. I don't sleep anymore ever it's currently 6:35 am and I have not been to sleep. I ... I cannot find a estate of relief other than the daytime occasionally if I'm with my friends or family or some physical contact but when I'm left alone at night with my thoughts that's when they get out of control and I stay up until morning. I hate this cycle and all these bad habits I've accumulated over the time my ex and I have been apart which is almost 2 months. I have wasted 2 months of my life being sad, lonely and consumed by my phobia. I can't let it do this to me anymore I am so fed up with it that I could scream! I cannot stop the thoughts. I think about my ex what could've, should've, would've been and I feel sick or get anxious and automatically gain my fear back and then I stay up all night trying to cope with it while feeling very lonely at the same time because who stays up all night?! So that ultimately will lead to my depression which I feel is coming and I don't want it to happen. I will do anything to just stop this so if anyone has some advice, thoughts, encouragements that'd be really much appreciated. Thanks