This is my first post here. Hi to anyone reading. I have had this phobia for about 11 years now.. I am 25. I haven't had a legit *sv in 7 years. 3 days ago I had dinner at home with my boyfriend of 4 years. I immediately felt kinda off and started right into my rituals. I got dressed and ran outside and started pacing behind a bush. I can't handle the thought of *v in a bathroom because I won't want to ever go into that room again. So here I am, cussing, crying, pacing and begging for it to not be true. My boyfriend watching me, looking helpless and confused. I'm apaologizing for my ridiculous behavior with every breath while still acting like an idiot. Then I felt the *d urge. Went inside and sat on the toilet, put a towel over my lap and begged for him to stay in the bathroom with me. There I am, having * d* while I am shacking and crying and seizing up with fear. This lasted for 3 hours. I never *v, I think I just have great mind control but I am humiliated for what he saw. I was like a child having an extreme panic attack while sitting on a toilet and begging him to never leave me alone.



I wanted to share this and see if any of you ever had a humiliating experience like this where someone saw you at the absolute peak of your phobia and how it made you feel. Am I alone?