I'm surprised that so many people suffer from emetophobia, and that there are resources like this out there. If you don't mind, I would like to share my story.

I'm a 24 year old male. The last time I v* I was 11 years old, and I remember every vivid detail of it. I lost control.. made a mess everywhere. I didn't know how to react and I was just scared. I couldn't breathe, my body just would not stop. And as soon as I was done, even though I felt better, I was terrified of it happening again. It was to the point where I felt sick with fear for the next couple of months before finally snapping out of it and living normally. I haven't v* since then and it's been almost 13 years. I've always been afraid of it happening, but it never affected the way I lived my life. I ate what I wanted when I wanted, drank excessive alcohol from time to time, and didn't let the anxiety ever really get to me. But the fear recently came back in full force.

Three weeks ago, I had started taking an antibiotic for an infection. As I went to lay down and fall asleep, I suddenly started to feel sick. I was nauseous and my head was spinning. I didn't have a stomach ache at all but the thought "what if I have to throw up?" came into my head. It was horrifying. I tried to lay down but my body jerked my head back up. Everything was spinning. I was shivering uncontrollably. I ran to the bathroom and tried to force myself to have a bowel movement. I told myself that if I could do that, it would mean I wouldn't have to throw up. After that though, I still felt scared. I was too dizzy to lay down, so I just paced back and forth for hours trying to talk myself out of it. I began to doubt if I would even survive the night. I don't know what it feels like to need to v* because it has been so long. I don't know if I actually had to and I kept it down, or if it was all just fear.

Since then, it hasn't gone away. My appetite has decreased because I don't want to eat too much and get sick. Occasionally at work or when I'm out I will start to feel a little sick and the panic will set in that I'm going to v* in front of everyone and make a fool of myself. But the worst part comes at night. I toss and turn in my bed every single night. I feel my face turn beat red and my body tremble and shake. I feel like if I let go, then I'm going to v* everywhere. My stomach tosses and turns relentlessly. I was hoping it would pass but it's been three full weeks now.. so 21 sleepless nights. I don't know how some of you put up with this for years!

I made an appointment to see my physician later today, and don't know what to expect on that front. I'm starting a very demanding full time job in a month and really want to have this all under control by then.. I can't imagine living like this for the rest of my life! Thanks for your support.