Emetophobia + driving anxiety.

[sunnyskies]

Hello to all! I haven't been here for a very long time, which spoke of my progress at at least deflating the severity of emet.

But I'm back, sadly because it has found a new way to trap and torment me. *sigh*

Hoping for some general opinions and suggestions about this. I have just been struggling a LOT with anxiety/panic while I drive and this is only due to emet. I have a lousy minimal 10-15 minute commute to work and it's a miracle I get there every day with how much I panic on the way. I think it starts a genuine but slight level of motion sickness when I'm fatigued or stressed, and then my being so hyperaware of it sends it sky high into feeling sick to my stomach.

It's especially awful when I'm stopped at red traffic lights or stop signs that you get stuck at while waiting to make a quick turn left or to get across a busy four lane road. I start to feel really claustrophobic and nauseated, and with my worst anxiety comes what I perceive to be the feeling of being about to v*. It's this super clammy, queasy feeling all throughout my body. Sometimes my heart pounds and I can hear it, and basically just all I want to do is stop or park the car and get out of it to just walk everywhere instead of driving, all because of yes, this fear I feel like I could get sick.

Bearing in mind that, I have not v* in at least ten years. And seeing as this has gone on awhile and I certainly don't end up getting sick, it's become more obvious to me this is psychosomatic or just a total panic response. It also plays to my social anxieties too because if I start to wig out I'm afraid people will notice and be weirded out or made nervous themselves. It's so stupid, especially the red light problem which is probably the most severe. I remember too once upon a time that I didn't often mind a yellow or red light approaching. It seemed safer to be stopped at a light than careening down a highway at 60 MPH or whatever the case would be. Now I never like to be stopped where I feel trapped. When I get to my destination, the sick feeling is gone. I always feel tired and defeated, though, fighting some ridiculous war with myself to even make it there is exhausting.

The last thing that comes with this is that as a panic response in the past when I've had attacks, I would lightly pull my hair or pinch my arms/wrists as a distraction. Now I find myself ripping hair out (rarely) and pinching my arm so hard (this one is almost daily if I drive) that I have a really horrible cluster of bruises that clearly look like fingerprints and from some unusual occurrence. It looks awful and I have to hide it from everyone to avoid questions.

I can't really afford therapy, and I have tried antidepressants and anti anxiety meds but the side effects were too much. I feel like any day I could snap out of it and just overcome it as I have before. But it's taking some real time to ride it out this time and I don't feel like I can talk to any of my family of friends about it. I know what they will say and that they are probably right, for people without this phobia. Or that they will think I'm crazy, which I feel that way all of the time and feel bad enough about it as it is.

Thanks in advance, to anyone for listening or commenting.