(Not graphic or anything) There should be a thread icon thing for graphic. dontcha think? Then ya could tell which ones where just by glancing down.


ANYHOW


So there was a dead fly in my food. Christ, how is that even possible? S'the last time I eat ANYTHING fried ever- I had these weird crispy noodle thingys that curl up like quavers, and there was a pile of them, n i ate one or two n then there was this fly. EW (excuse all the caps n pointlessness Im hyper- I'll get to the point in a minute) Im just hoping that its been fried (n therefore devoid of germs?) but it didnt look fried. Its wings would have melted right? Ugh, I dunno how thats possible, my mothers cooking rocks.
n for some reason Im not specially worried about this.. I guess I will be if I feel ill tomorrow.


Anyway, after that I didnt eat anything all day n just lay on the sofa sulking.. sort of and because I just want to sleep if I dont eat for a while, somehow lack of food affects me really badly- I guess my bodys in such awful condition anyway it cant cope, neways, there was a spider, and my mothers terrified of them, so I got up and took it outside, and as I was walking down the yard everything started spinning and I fell into the wall (f***ing pebbledashed walls) and cut up my arm pretty badly, n came back in and got attentionnnn Haha ironic isnt it? I spend weeks cutting myself to bits on purpose FOR attention and noone notices. Fall once because Im dizzy, entirely by accident and finally someone notices that all is not okay and..


My mother now wants me in therapy =/ Heh. I did actually tell her some stuff, because she asked me, n shes never taken much of a interest like that before. And she says Im depressed. Am I depressed? I dont think so- I think Im reacting pretty rationally to panic attacks and emet myself. Anyway, shes going to do some finding out for me. She says that theres no way a doctor will come out and see me, and I say theres no way Im going in there, but maybe theres other avenues I dont yet know about, like community nurses or something? All I really need is a sick note and some drugs. lol. I dont need a doctor to tell me whats wrong, I already know.


What are you guys on? Anti anxiety meds only please, I dont want anti depressants. My mother says drugs are a bad idea because my dads been on errr I cant remember the name of it.. some very strong anti depressant for 30 years and hes utterly dependant.


Err. /rant.
Im just.. hyper.. utterly hyper right now
And terrified about tomorrow- I haveto ring my inbiz lady (jobcenter scheme im on) and explain that Im still too crazy to go in there. Aghhhhhh save me?