Hi all,
I'm writing from a place of desperation as I feel like Emetophobia has taken over my life. I'm sure many others have been in my exact position and feel like they've come to the end of the road. I just need to write to get this out and talk to someone about it.
I've had this ridiculous fear since I was about 11 which was also the last time I was sick. I'm 26 now. I was wrongly diagnosed of an eating disorder at 11 as I stopped eating because I didn't want to be sick. I managed to snap myself out of it and start eating again when my parents brought in a therapist to get me to eat food again. Throughout my teenage years I didn't think about the fear too much except for when I felt sick which luckily wasn't very often. I moved to the other side of the world about 9 months ago to get some overseas work experience and since then, this phobia has taken over my life. When I first arrived in London, I was quite anxious having never been to such a big city (I'm from NZ). One day, as I was on the usual sardine packed train, I heard someone near me being sick which gave me the worse panic attack of my life. I had to get off the train and could hardly walk because my legs were like jelly. Since then, my anxiety has been at an all time high and I now think about being sick nearly 24/7. I have since quit my job because I would have a panic attack every time I set foot on a train. I then started having panic attacks all day at work. It all got too much and I was barely functioning. I am now working from home but unfortunately things have not got better as some days I'm scared to even leave the house in case I have to be sick (my rational mind tells me this is absolutely ridiculous!).
I have decided to go back to my home country as London was never really the place for me anyway. I am of course now freaking out about the 25 hours of flying I have to get through to make it back home. I am so sick of this stupid phobia. No matter what I'm doing, somehow my mind always finds a way to worry about it. The only time I have minor relief is when I'm exercising. I know this phobia is completely in my mind but I just can't seem to stop thinking about it. Just the thought of having to be sick scares me SO much. I genuinely don't think I can handle it. Other people being sick also scares me if it's somewhere I can't escape immediately (ie. a packed train!). Being sick is the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing on my mind when I fall asleep. I've become an obsessive hand washer and always carry hand sanitizer with me. I also carry crystallised ginger and indigestion tablets with me if I have to go out somewhere. I am really exhausted and over this. I am flying out in about 6 weeks and want to feel calm and relaxed rather than have a panic attack for 25 hours. When I flew here I was fine and quite relaxed but now I don't think that's the case as my anxiety is so so high all the time. I'm trying to tell myself if I was able to do it and be calm all the way here then I should be able to do it on the way back.
I've heard of the 'Cure your Emetophobia and Thrive' book - has anyone had any success with this? Or any other programme/therapy for that matter? ANY help at all would be greatly appreciated.