again

[nikinlove927]

So haven't posted in a while. Been doing biofeedback for my anxiety and stress and for this hell forsaken phobia and it's been helping a lot. However it's a bit expensive so I can't do it as often as I'd like. I just home from my vacation up in Canada and it was amazing. We fished and camped at this secluded area--no cellphones, no running water and no indoor plumbing. I loved it. I was so scared I was doing to freak out but surprisingly it was peaceful and I felt safe. There were only 12 people in camp and it was so great spending time with family. Anyways, tonight I am battling a panic attack from hell. As soon as I went to lay down it hit me like a brick. Immediately jumped out of bed and started drinking ginger ale and sipping on ice cold water. I have taken 2 phenergan within the last 3 hours and I'm still nauseous. I'm haven't eaten much today either. I had like 5 chocolate chip cookies this evening and before that was my protein shake at lunch. I effing hate this phobia!!! So of course I'm convinced I caught some bug...where or how...no clue. But the nausea won't go away. It keeps coming in waves. I'll feel okay for a bit and then BAM!! Can't breathe and feel like I'm about to throw up. Like if I took really slow and deep breaths I would probably v*. I just hate this bloated, full feeling. It makes the nausea so much worse. Sometimes I wish I could get a new brain---one that isn't emet. I swear I'd take any other phobia!! This Phobia has caused me to lose so many hours of my life. So depressing when I really think about it.

woa....apparently I needed to vent!!