Hi everyone,
I am new as I have had this phobia nearly 40 years and until the last few days been terrified even to type emetophobia into Google.
But I need urgent help as it’s now not just me that it is affecting.
I have a 18 month old daughter who had her first gastro a week ago today.
I sat in a chair next to my mother, who was holding her, as I could not bring myself to hold her. I wore a mask, gown, gloves and face shield.I held her foot and consoled her as she was sick again and again.My mother hissed at me that I was sick too, just in the head, and I needed help, and not to DARE pass this horrible mental illness I had to my daughter.
I felt SO anxious it is impossible to describe.
My phobia is of being sick myself, or exposed to others who I know are infectious, ESPECIALLY if they are actively sick. So this was pretty much hell.
As this was happening it snowed outside trapping me in the house for 96 hours.
In that time my mother and father both got sick, my mother right in the laundry room, contaminating well, pretty much everything.
Since then I have bleached and bleached and bleached. But of course I’m sure I haven’t got everything.And the 3 of them are still shedding virus and it is undoubtedly everywhere.
I have continued to wear all my protective gear.
The snow melted and I was able to get to work and then another house which is “sterile”.
The problem is, I don’t want to go back.
I do, but I don’t. I want to see my daughter but I now look at even a picture of her and I feel terror before I feel anything else.
I know that there can be particles everywhere and people can shed them for up to 30 days.
I can’t bear the thought of my poor daughter seeing me in my hazmat getup for 30 days.
But I can bear it more than the risk of getting ill.
My mom tells me I am SO MESSED UP and it is NO BIG DEAL while I hide here and cry and shake and type this. But she just does not get it.
I am reaching out for whatever help that anyone can give. Have you been there?Am I crazy?How to deal?Please write back if you can.I feel so alone L