Hello everyone

I am new to this forum (i tried to post once some weeks ago but i think it didnt work?) so I hope this is the right place and that i dont offend anyone with my text!

So since I have been s* once about 4 years ago (~20 yo back then) I developped emetophobia. I also have IBS so i am stuck in that vicious cycle where my slightly disturbed stomach makes my head panic which makes my stomach even worse etcetera.

Since that first incident, IT has just happened again on one single occasion. So eventhough the odds are "in my favor", almost every day I think "oh shit this time it is different, this time it is for real"... At this point I am even afraid, that out of pure Fear or Panic i might have to v* - because my stomach could get so upset.. i dont know. The problem is, that both times that IT has happened, i have no idea what was the reason exactely... It might have been something I ate but maybe it was just because I was stressed out those days... Especially the second option frightens me. Will I have to v* now everytime I am stressed (eventhoug I am basically stressed every day, so I should know, that it probably wont happen...)
However: I am playing in a Band and I love it. We have concerts every 6 months and soon we will have our winter-gig. I remember that i was SO nervous the last few times, that i got realy n* before and also during the concert, but of course nothing happened. Still I fear, that, because my "phobia" seems to have grown, it might cause me to have to v* ....

Aaaaah... I dont know... i think i just need some people to tell me, that it is not usual to v* in such a situation, if it has not happened before.... or somehting like that..

So thank you a lot in advance for helping and for having read my text! (sorry english is not my mothertongue...)