I can not believe how much I have missed this site. My computer went wrong a week and a half ago and has only just been repaired. My husband went away to sea last Thursday for 4 months and I really missed IES.The evenings have been long and lonely, but hurray, now my computer is working again.


I was actually coping quite well since my husband went away. My Mother in Law gave me a hard time as always, saying how I do not visit her enough and upset her all the time. As usual I took the blame for everything and ended up agreeing with everything she said. I felt I could take no more and enrolled on a confidence and assertiveness course to try and gain a little bit of self confidence as I have very little at the moment. The first session was last night and for the first time in ages I went out and left my children with a close friend . It was very hard to get the courage to actually turn up for the course but I did it and felt good for doing so. Then, I got a phonecall today to say my friend who babysat has a sv. I am very worried but hopefully my children will be fine.


Just after this call I had a call from the Doctors asking my husband to contact them. (He had a scan last week for some lumpsbut assured me they were nothing.) The doctor would not tell me anything but asked me to get my husband to contact him as soon as possible. I have emailed my husband but had no reply yet. I am so worried it is something serious. He put off going to the Doctors for so long and eventually I had to beg him to go. Why does everythiong happen when my husband is away?


Sorry to go on so much, it is just I am feeling very alone and usually my mum is there to help me, but she is in the middle chemotherapy at the moment and really does not need any more worries. I am sure by the morning everything will feel so much better. It is just getting through the long nights which is so hard.