Amber,


First just let me say that I am glad that Chris is alright. That had to have been very scary. And what a trooper to come home and clean up that mess. I am sure that was not easy. How is he doing now?


Your post helped me once again put things into perspective. I often think the same kinds of thoughts to myself and then a few days go by and my old way of thinking settles back in and takes over.


Sometimes when I am worried about my daughter having a tummy ache I think "God, there are kids out there with f***ing cancer- their parents would love for their child to only have a stomach virus- what the f*** is wrong with me?" But, my stupid mother f***ing mind takes over and I can't find the logic.


My grandpa was the most important person in my world when I was a kid. He loved me unconditionally, always had the time for me and gave me stability when my parents were too busy fighting with eachother to realize what they were doing to their kids. A couple years back he got pancreatic cancer. I cannot tell you the hate I have for myself because I would not spend time with him when he got sick. I only went to the hospital once. I panicked the whole time. I miss him so much and wish I would have spent those last few months with him. I wish I would have helped my grandma take care of him. But instead I ran away. Now all I can do is sit here and cry about it.


So your post made perfect sense to me and I thank you for posting it. It's always a good idea to at least try to keep things in perspective- even if I am failing miserably at it.