My Mom’s Cured

[HDogg]

As most of you know, my mother has been an emet since she was a little girl, and she's almost 50 now. She is the one who trained me to be terrified of v*. All my life, we were partners in our fear. She'd be the one I would call up and cry to if I felt really sick, and she'd be sympathetic and understanding.


Well, over the past couple of years, I've noticed that her panic attacks have went away. She used to call me up freaking out that she would throw up or have a heart attack. She was having dizzy spells and hot flashes (which turned out to be "the change of life") and was convinced that she was dying. Well, a month or so ago, she called me up and said she almost v*d out of nowhere. She ate lunch and just said, "Whoa. I'm going to get sick." She simply went to the bathroom and waited, with no anxiety whatsoever.


On Monday, I had real nausea. I had eaten lunch, and an hour later, I was literally hovering over the trash can, thinking it was going to happen. But it didn't, thank God--but I panicked for over 3 hours and took Dramamine like it was candy. Anyway, I called my mom and told her I didn't feel good, and we ended up talking for a long time. She admitted that when she gets like that, she just WANTS to throw up and get it over with. I asked her if she was still afraid, and she said she wasn't. Mom said that ever since she went on Paxil 3 years ago, she's been gradually getting better--no therapy or anything. She will be going off the meds b/c she's not scared anymore.


Is it possible to simply "grow out of it?!" I can't believe this--all her years of suffering, and then she's all better now. It must be a miracle from God, b/c I don't know what else could have helped her.


I'm happy for her, but at the same time, I'm angry. Why couldn't she have been cured of this years ago, while she was shaping who I was going to become as an adult? If she had me when she was 40, instead of 24, I might have been a normal kid. But these are circumstances that I obviously have no control over. I guess I'm just jealous. But if nothing else, this has convinced me to go on Paxil. Since I'm her daughter, maybe it will work for me as well as it did for her.

[Jenneh]

it is possible for it to just go yeah... maybe ur mum learnt to not revolve her life around it.. and eventually she cud say shes not controlled by emet anymore.


its understandable to be angry and jealous, any normal individual would feel te same im sure. but u can do it too and it will be an experience that wil have changed who u r in the future..... because of emet u will be a much more understanding/strong person. it just takes a bit of fighting, but you can do this.


Jen xxxxxxxxx

[2jo2]

Wow, good for your mom! It's ok to feel jealous about her getting better and having taught you to be emet in the first place. Try and look at it the way that maybe, seeing how she's not emet anymore, that maybe you will "grow out of it" at an even earlier age than her. You know, learn from her, and maybe she can help you to not be afraid. I think it's nice that you have someone like that who understands, so close to you, that now you can learn to get rid of this thing in the same way.

[sage]

It is NOT possible to just "grow out of it" or for it to just "go away". What is possible, however, is for the general (chronic) anxiety in your family system to shift so that YOU are bearing more of the anxiety than your mother. This would tend to make you worse and her better. (Sorry - editing now - it might be shifting to someone else in the system other than you as well...or maybe the general level of stress in the system is just lower right now.) The point is that we have to look at these things systemically, not just as problems within individuals. We are always 'bound' with some sort of wires to each of our family members.Even if we cutoff from them completely by not speaking for years, we're still hooked in - in fact the cutoff always makes people worse anyway...ANYWAY....


I suppose it is possible for her to have learned over time that every time she feels sick she won't get sick. Everyone learns this over time, and therefore many people get better. They usually aren't better when they're actually sick, but they're better most of the time.


Also, the Paxil obviously worked wonders. That's what it's for. Perhaps being on it dulled the systems in her brain for fear and panic, and she therefore learned to approach life without fear and anxiety. It will be interesting to see what happens when she goes off of it. I have never read any experts who hold out much hope for this strategy. Given no other changes, when the drug is removed, heranxiety will return. Especially if the family anxiety (or "stress")goes up for any reason (any significant life changes - births, deaths, moving away,marriages, illness, emotional cutoff, etc.).


Hopefully these comments make you feel better. The more YOU work on your own issues and challenges in life, the better you will become -- that's the simple rule. There is no "quick fix" for your mom or anyone else. If there were, people would just take Paxil for 3 years and that would be that. And life is pretty much fair...you get out of it what you put into it, like anything else goverened by natural laws. Your mom did not escape this truth simply by getting older or taking Paxil - honest.Edited by: sage

[just sue]

I think that as you get older, you have more things going on in your life and the emet just doesn't seem as important anymore. That's how I feel now. Don't get me wrong, I'm still afraid to get sick myself, but I don't have the time or inclination now to obsess about it daily.

[pippi]

i have my own theory with my phobia and anxiety...
I think its hormone related. I wonder if her 'life change' has something to do with it?

[Jenneh]

interesting pippi... wonder if sage has nething to say lol


Jen xxx

[Margaret]

i have my own theory with my phobia and anxiety...
I think its hormone related. I wonder if her 'life change' has something to do with it?

That's just want I wanted to say! My mother had really bad migrains all her live, especially when she had her period and 'grew out of it' when her 'life changed' as you call it. I think when your whole system changes it can affect things as your anxiety level as well.

[pippi]

I also get migrains with my period (sometimes with ovulation too) and my mom had the same experience margaret.
I do hope this is the case for me because a life time of emet is hell!

[HDogg]

Is menopause here yet? Bring it on!

[Melikasa]

I wonder about hormones as well and age. If you have noticed the ages of people on here. I know my mom (not even blood) had REALLY bad claustophobia and just like that no meds whatso ever after menopause it was gone. She hadn't realized it till she drove with my dad all the way to Vancouver and didn't think about it. She also took a plane trip twice and she is PETRIFIED of planes and heights.
I noticed that after having Anthony too (and my hormones are all wierd now) and my emet isn't as bad at all. I am not sure if having other major concerns hashelped as well. I still have emet in fact the other day I thought I was feeling sick and ended up taking Gravol, pepto,gaviscon andGinger and not eating dinner. I have to say that that is the worst I have had it in 18months.