Well knowing that I had to get up today and go out to get my valium prescription refilled apparently had a bigger effect on me then I thought, and although I felt pretty decent all throughout yesterday the minute I laid down to go to sleep the nausea crept up on me with a vengence.
I managed to keep my mind off it at first, just focusing on trying to keep a blank slate of mind and trying to settle into a sort of trance to fall asleep, which didn't work. Getting up to go to the bathroom to find out it was 5 am(i may have drifted off to sleep for a maximum of one hour at this point, though I can't be sure) just made it worse, as the new "off" feeling I had I was positive was a sign of some sort of sickness.
I didn't do too well with the not thinking about it this time, going through the last time i vomited over and over(which was pretty recent so unfortuantly I was able to do this pretty well), until i forced myself to stop. Still my thoughts would drift back to vomiting or the stomach and how it was getting worse and how i should be asleep or every little off feeling in my body till I just gave up and put the tv on to distract myself.
My mom woke up around this time and talking to her really helped(after i realized my problem and showed her a few articles from here i think she really started to understand why I'm so crazy and is being much more supportive then before when I just had no reason to be like this), she re-assured me that it was most likley all in my head and amplified from the lack of sleep, and that did make me feel better, to the point where I could mostly ignore it with the tv on and some deep breathing, while curled up hugging my body pillow.
Anyway I may have drifted off agian for a half hour or two, one or two times after that, and eventually around 9-9:30 i was able to turn off the tv and actually fall asleep for a little over an hour(max 2) till I had to get up at 11:30.
I'm still exausted, somewhat nautious, and a bit worried that she won't be able to fill the prescription till tomorrow(as it is my saftey net, i pretty much knew all last night if i had any left I would have been asleep fine soon after all this started), though I am hoping since I am so exausted I'll be too exausted to stay up again tonight.
This really is starting to get too much for me again, I really don't want to be like this anymore. It's not even a concious decision anymore, I didn't need to worry about going out today, or why I would worry about going out today, i just got nautious and worried about that. Even knowing it was most likley a phobic responce didn't help in the least, in fact since I've found this site I seem to be more focused on the nausea/vomiting then I was before(and of course i've picked up a few new obsessions to do to avoid nausea, even though again most of the time it is caused completely unconciously without any real trigger).
This doctor didn't seem all to interested in emet(i brought out the info for professionals and she barley glanced at it) but she did manage to give me a name of a CBT that does the rapid eye movement thing, who I can only hope I can connectwith and start to at least make slight progress...cause I'm just so tired of this.
Edit: And I just remembered that as I was getting home my nose started to run a bit and I wiped it off instinctivley with my finger. I don't think i was exposed to anything but of course I can't really be sure, I shared an elevator with two guys, and touched the same slip of paper when I was passing it back and forth between the doctor. This isn't anything to worry about right? [img]smileys/smilies_09.gif[/img]Edited by: unnamedguy
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