Hello everyone! I would like to tell you my story. Over a year ago i went on a trip with my mom, aunt, uncle and fiance to Philadelphia. I couldn't wait to go, i was excited for months and months. Anyway, when we were there we all got philly cheese steaks and about 10 min after i ate it i felt REALLY sick. We were driving through south Philly at that point and i was in the back seat in the middle. My mom looked at me and knew something wasnt right and asked me if i was ok, but i just shook my head no. It was aweful, we had to stop at a store so i could use the rest room just in case. I didnt do the v word THANK GOODNESS! but i really thought it was going to happen. Needless to say, my entire trip was ruined. I didnt want to be there anymore. I couldn't even think of food, nevermind eating it. so that night i took dramamine and while everyone else went out to dinner, i went to the hotel room and slept till the next morning. For a very long time after that, i couldnt eat. I lost weight, i had panick attacks, i never wanted to leave the house and i even quit my 2 jobs. I have been through all kinds of testing and changes of doctors, went to the hospital a few times and everything came back normal. I walk around thinking what is wrong with me all the time. I am afraid to go out and do things or have fun bc what if i get ill or someone else around me does. I see a stain on the sidewalk and i think what if it is V? Then i get to feeling N... again. Everytimei do eat, i feel ill for a long time after too. If i see someone pulled over on the side of the road, i think they are, well you know, and i am always looking around to see if everyone is looking healthy to be sure. it is pretty scarey. My fiance and I would like to have children someday and even that scares me bc i dont want "morning sickenss". I thought i was just insane all this time. until last night when i went online and decided to type in "fear of V**" I never expected to see that it is a real phobia. I was totally amazed by it. At least now I know that I am not alone. I was thinking last night, how did i get such a phobia and i thought about a time my grandmother got vilolently ill when i was a little kid. I am pretty much thinking that, that is what set if off. Bc now i realize i have been afraid a lot longer than a little over a year. I was thinking of times from long ago, it is just in the last year it got to me in a much worse way. ANXIETY! I get scared and feel ill when someone else says they dont feel well, like if my fiance doesnt feel good, i freak out and i sleep on the couch or somewhere, where is is not, bc i am scared. When I babysit my little cousins, if they get sick...i run. It is terrible. This time of the year i seem to freak out the most bc it is SV time! I just started a new job last week...I love it, but im also afraid to be there and last week i sat there and thought i was ill..but apparently its just bc of this phobia. I made it through the day but it was very hard. I cant concentrate on anything when i feel like that. Unfortunatly i feel it EVERY DAY. I wish i knew how to fight it, or get over it. I think about other people who say they v''ed and they speak as if it is no big deal and im like why is it, they are fine with it, but not me, why does it put me in a panic attack and why does it linger forever and ever. I am afraid of everything. I dont want to go anywhere, do anything or be around anyone. I am even afraid to be the passenger in a car. I guess its because i dont have the "control" of the vehicle if something does happen. Last year i went to Texas and I was afraid the entire time, i even felt as though i was getting clausterphobic. like if i was in an elevator with other ppl, i panicked, or in cars, on the plane, in a small room. It didnt matter where or when, i felt aweful. and still to this day. [img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img]How do I fight this? HELP!!
thanks for reading my story!
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