Why are you afraid of v*******?

[caskar]

I have read other peoples posts asking when peoples fears of v******* started my question is why are you afraid? Like me I am not sure what started my fear but I know that I am afraid of it because I am afraid that I will die, I worry that I will v**** to much and v**** up the wrong thing or something. Also has your fear triggered any other fears? Mine has triggered 1 so far, I am afraid to ride in vehichels cause 1 day a few years ago I was'nt feeling good so I asked my mom to bring me to the doctors ( I don't have my own car, can't afford it) anyways I got in her car and we went about 50 feet and I came very close to v*******,it was in my throat, I ended up walking the mile and a half to the doctors, I have gotten better over the years, I can go around town to the store and stuff and I can go far places if I go with my parents cause they have a van and I get the back seet to my self so I can lay down and sleep but I still cannot go far with anyone else, I have missed out on a lot of my girls field trips because of it. Sorry if there are any errors, my eyes are bothering me and it is hard to read what I wrote.

[punchbuggy]

Im scared because i think it is SOOO disgusting , its just the grossest thing on this planet. I hate the fact of puke .Its kind of a fear of the unknown too. but mostly because i think its the most dirty disgustion stupid ugly GROSS thing in the world.

[punchbuggy]

Oh yea and also of the feeling of it , but im not scared that i wont be able to breath just the feeling of it coming out.

[stormchaser97]

I'm afraid it won't stop, and aside from not like how it feels physically, I feel really desperately alone and powerless when it is happening. It does "feel" like you're going to die sometimes. Mostly though aside from the physical sensation, it's the whole helpless and alone thing. I've always needed someone around when I was sick and I remember my mom having to leave the room to get ready for work when I last got sick in high school, I was 16, but it just broke my heart, I was crying, and I was really scared. I felt like a child, but couldn't really help it. She took me to my grandma's where I stayed for the day and the only time I let my grandma leave my sight was when she had to use the restroom.

caskar- it sounds like you had a wicked bought of conditioning there associating the car with being sick. I don't think the two were at all related, more like a weird coincidence and the car just became part of the phobia. that sucks. I have a couple things like that, namely the abandonment thing, so if I get really lonely it'll trigger the same feelings I mentioned above that I hate that accompany being ill, which will trigger the same type of panic attack as if I think I'm going to be sick. It's really hard to separate out the two sometimes. Also, I've gotten it conditioned to an association with people drinking, even if they aren't completely trashed. A strong whiff of alcohol can trigger the start of a panic attack sometimes. so yeah, definitely had it cause fears of other things too.

[longgone]

I honestly can't tell why. But I am tend to think it's because it's
uncontrolable and disgusting. I am obssesed with controlling everything
in my life and especially things that are not pelasant. So it may be
related to this

[sheri-baby]

the worst part for me is the nausea...i wan't to die when i'm nauseaus

[ginger_saves]

I hate the buildup of the n* and it just is overwhelming. I start crying and my anxiety makes it worse.I hate the noises people make when they v* ( on movies and reality shows). The smell and sight are gross, enough to make me gag and n* all day long. I can't get it out of my head. I feel pity and sympathy for people who are sick and end up v* because I know how bad it is to do it. At the same time, i do not help anyone sick because I am terrified of seeing it.I hate that choking sound,too. It's really just the worst. I can handle seeing s*** and blood on the ground more than v*.

[chemicalemotion]

Time - that's what frightens me. It's only a matter of time. When I'm sick, I don't know when it's going to happen, and when I know that time has come and I'm facing the last few unflattering seconds before the plunge, I'm afraid of what it's going to feel like. Is it going to hurt? Will it taste worse than before? What the heck is it going to look like? I'm afraid of how long it will last; am I never going to stop? Will I only get sick just once, or will I be sick the rest of the night?


Also, physically it's just revolting. I hate the feeling of it coming out of your mouth (sorry for the bluntness) and the warmth of it. Ew, just picturing that is giving me chills. It's hard to say, there's so many unpleasant attachments to the whole thing neither one is more intimidating then the other. They're all equally frightening in my eyes.


As for triggering other fears, hmm... I guess if I had to pick one, I would say medicine. I'm scared of all medicines, unless they're organic, I won't take it. Reason being because I had taken some Pepto-Bismol one time when I felt unwell, and ended up getting sick anyway. It's almost as if it betrayed me, and the label of curing "upset stomach" was lies! But I was only 10 or so at the time. =P So now when I'm sick, I never EVER take any medicine or anything that prescribes a so-called 'cure' (for stomachaches, anyway)- I just suck it in and endure it the whole night.Edited by: chemicalemotion

[johnlp]

Because I am afraid I will die doing it![img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img]


Seriously, I fear chocking to death or aspirating it into my lungs and dying of aspiration pneumonia![img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img]


Or..that I will pass out, crack my head open on the toilet and bleed to death.


Serious folks that's my fear and having a spastic esophogus, things get stuck between my throat and stomach all the time going down, I fear comming up would be the same!


I live in continual fear![img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img]

[domino2006]

I'm afraid of that feeling of inevitability, and how out of my control it is. I'm afraid of doing it in public, I'm afraid of the sensation, but mostly I'm afraid that for some reason if I do it then I've just done something really terrible that makes me a bad person. That feeling of worthlessness is the worst. Whenever I was sick as a kid, no one would sit with me, clean me up, or comfort me so now when I feel like I might be sick I become a real baby and ask for all sorts of things and people think I just want attention. I hate that it makes me a different person from the usually in-control, highly confident person I normally am. I feel ugly, like "who would want to be with me right now?" and somehow feel like I will be alone for the rest of my life. I hate the unknown. For some reason it is still very unknown to me (probably because I don't do it very often). But lately the fear of the fear is so much worse and I wish I could be just like everyone else, mere mortals as you say. Are any of you ever jealous of people who can v* and not think twice? Or sometimes even admire them? Am I weird? I wish I could be like that but I can't shake that feeling of inadequacy and terror of actually doing it, of giving in. When I feel really n* I wait until the last possible minute to tie back my hair because once I do that I know I've given in. Most times when I'm sick, maybe genuinely sick, I will endure n* for days and not eat for days rather than give in to the feeling.

Meeting all of you and reading your stories acutally helps me not feel so much like an outsider. Yes, we are here, yes we don't like to v* and we don't do it hardly ever. You want to make something of it???

Cheers everyone.
Steph

[lianaismadchill]

smell of it, taste of it, feeling of it, look of it, the sound of it, the n* before it, not being in control of it, the gagging, when it comes out of your nose also, choking on it, suffocating from it, dying from it, passing out from it, not beiong able to stop v*


im terrified ofEVERY part of itEdited by: lianaismadchill

[dord]

I don't know why I fear it so much. I hate, no despise all aspects of it. I have the nausea and what I remember it feeling like to actually get sick. I have always closed my eyes and can't stand to look at it. I too then worry how many more times will it happen? I usually pray for d** instead and I remember as a child begging not to get sick and asking my Mom 1,000 times if I would actually throw up and praying out loud not to. I was little, probably 5 years old and being terrified of it.

[xxsophiaxx]

everything. EVERY LITTLE THING. lol

[phobos]

Its hard to boil it down to one thing. I hate the anxiety it brings. I hate that "helpless" feeling--sure, someone can be there with you, but otherwise, you're all alone. What I hate the most is the control factor. If its going to happen, its going to happen. You can't stop it, you can't make it go away, you can't do anything to keep it from happening again, and you can't ever garuntee it won't be around in the future. I'm a control freak. Well, I like to control everything to do with me. I don't care about what other people do.

I hate the smell and the sounds, the feeling, I hate it when it gets in your nose and you breathe through your nose and its all you can smell and taste. I've never in my life been able to make it to the toilet because looking down at a toilet scares me so bad (not so much anymore, I used to be too afraid to clean the bathroom because I'd had to squat by the toilet!). I hate not being able to do anything about it when it happens. I hate it. I hate hate hate it. Given a choice, I would rather choose death then vomiting.

[Galadriel]

I think its cause I am a control freak (when it comes to myself), and its such an out of control thing. Its awful and gross and all encompasing (there's no way you can just ignore it, or do something else while its going on), and the worst is not knowing if once you do it if you are going to end up v*ing all nite or just one more time, or anything like that. For some reason I feel almost like I've "failed" if I give in and do it, which sounds stupid, but there it is.

Also nausea has to be one of the worst feelings ever. You just feel so unsettled and not yourself at all. I also don't like getting d*, also for control reasons tho its not near as bad as the v* fear.

[daffodil]

I think it's a control thing for me. I do not want to be out of control of my body in any way, shape or form. I also hate being sick with other things, like a cold or other illness, because I feel like I have been "invaded" if that makes any sense. It's my body, and I don't want any nasty germs or viruses in it. I don't want anything happening to it without my say-so. Yeah, I'm a control freak.[img]smileys/smilies_05.gif[/img]

[domino2006]

It is interesting that almost all of us share this fear of loss of control. I know this is one of the causes and symptoms of other types of panic attacks, too. So what can we do about this? Let go of the control?

One thing I found very comforting either on this site or another site was the idea that there really is no medical use for v* and if we don't want to do it then we don't have to. But what about those inevitable times when you just can't stop yourself? I fear those worst of all.

I also find it comforting that as emets we are extraoridnarily good at controlling v* in ourselves. Myabe we can do some self-talk and say "Hey, I haven't v* in seven years, what are the chances I'm going to do it NOW?" I cured myself of panic attacks about fainting using this technique. I also would say to myself "So what if I faint. It's not that bad." As of yet, I can't say it about v*, though.

Keep pressing on!

[kasey]

Janet miss Jackson if you're nasty said it best:


This is a story about control...My control...Control of what I say...Control of what I do...


Cause it's all about control.

[Galadriel]

I think it's a control thing for me. I do not want to be out of control of my body in any way, shape or form. I also hate being sick with other things, like a cold or other illness, because I feel like I have been "invaded" if that makes any sense. It's my body, and I don't want any nasty germs or viruses in it. I don't want anything happening to it without my say-so. Yeah, I'm a control freak.[img]smileys/smilies_05.gif[/img]

Yeah I feel similar, I also get afraid even with just run of the mill stuff, at least at first before I know what the heck is wrong with me.

[nomorefear]

this is my first post, but i've been reading others posts for a couple of
years. i can't tell you all how much it calms me down when i'm *n*
and panicked!!! my friends and family just don't understand.

anyhow, like you all, i HATE feeling *n*, the act, smell, taste and the
crazy panic that comes along w/ it. i also fear *v*ing in public. i'm
sure it's about control, but the mouth is an entrance, not an exit.

i get hysterical, hyperventilate and feel like a complete fool after is
has passed.
ugh... *v* is my nemesis.
thanks to you all for being here

[laneyb]

I agree so much with all the comments re control as I am a complete control freak, the whole thing for me is just terrifying!!


A also have a problem with cars, I find it dificult travelling anywhere unles its with my dad ( Idont live with him tho so thats difficult) I am trying to overcome this by learning to drive at the ripe ole age of 37.


Laney xx

[turtleiam]

For me it is the anticipation. I absolutely HATE anticipation. I hate the anticipation of WHEN my kids will get it. And, if they do, WHEN V* will happen.


Then, I also hate the feeling of every thing being contaminated!


When it's me though . . . it's not a big deal. I like to be left COMPLETEY alone. I don't want to have any responsibilities to anyone . . . kids, hubby . . .


Susan

[silver]

I can relate to pretty much what everyone has said...its a control thing with me too. I am so scared about losing control and v* in front of people. I worry the most when I am on a road trip "what if I get the sv* and have to pull over on the side of the road and d* and v*. I am actually only afraid of v* in the sv* or fp* context...having to d* and v* at the same time uncontrollably. I am actually ok with thinking if I only v* once or just have bad d*, just not the two together. I don't know if this makes any sense what-so-ever?? I am only afraid of other people if it is something that I can catch (how selfish huh?) other than that, other people doesn't bother me much anymore (although not pleasant). I swear I am ONLY afraid in the context of a sv* pretty much...not knowing when it will happen, how many times, what it will feel like/look like...etc. I am also afraid because I havnen't done it in so long, I am afraid that it will screw me up worse than I already am about it!!

[metallikat87]

it's a loss of control issue with me...aside from the taste, smell, and feeling of it coming up....ughhhhh...and knowing that it will take numerous times of brushing my teeth before i can get the taste out of my mouth

[hairfixer35]

The shear panic I feel when I am n* and know there is a good chance that v*ing is possible. I hate that feelilng more than I hate anything else in life. I don't really know why. Could be that I had an alcoholic abusive mother who didn't take care of me or my needs. I lived in fear all the time as a child. This is the only thing from the past that i haven't yet gotten over. When my 2 kids were sick (v*) as children, I pretty much left that part up to my husband while I had a week long panic attack. I am a good mom and very loving &caring but thatwas one thing that could break me in two. My kids do not rememberhow afraid I wasthank God. I faked it well.


Barbara