How NOT to fight it?

[x hannah x]

Does anyone else get to a point where they feel n* and decide not to fight it, but their body will just not let them give up. I have a special type of breathing I do when I think I'm going to v* and it's literally an autopilot thing, I can't help it.


The thing is, the next time that me v*ing is a likely occurence I don't want to fight it because the last fewtimes I've v*ed it has been a much more traumatising experience than it should have been because it completely over-powered me. I don't have a very long streak going at the moment, about a year I think (I try very hard not to remember anniversaries) but I don't want to be saying "I haven't v*ed in 20 years" I'd rather say, "I v*ed yesterday but I'm fine now".


So is it normal that I think this way and yet such a big part of my brain won't accept it?

[x hannah x]

*Tumblweed rolls by...*

[new.slang]

I totally agree! I don't know what else to say, but if I were to say it...it would be what you just typed. [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

[phobos]

Sometimes I dare myself to v*, and then when nothing happens, I know that I have no reason to be afraid. For a long time that really helped to ease my anxiety. It doesn't seem to work so well any more, though[img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img]

[daffodil]

Hannah, Several years ago I was sick with a sv, had d* and HORRIBLE n*, and fought it for what seemed like a long time. I finally decided to give in and let it happen. And...nothing happened. Several times during that night I thought this was it, and I was willing for it to happen, and it never did.

[domino2006]

Yes! Yes! Exactly how I feel! And I know what you mean about not being able to. That is how I found this site, I was actually trying to find a way to make myself . . . sorry if that is unthinkable. I just want to be normal. I'm actually jealous of people who can do it and then think it's no big deal. I've been afraid of this since I can remember! For me it's been seven loooong and n* years and it would feel good to get it over with but also terrifying.

It's also frustrating when people say "Well you didn't v* so you must not really be sick."

Arrrg!

[lianaismadchill]

tumbleweed rolls by.....LMAOOO !


i totally agree with what your saying!

[xxsophiaxx]

yup, that's happened to me too. I RARELY ever give in though. But one time I just felt sooo sick, I had a really bad sinus infection and after a cold shower that didn't seem to help (which usually does) I sat at the toilet and though "well this is it, there's no going back now" and i felt it coming up - but it didn't happen! lmfao it was soo weird. I think part of the reason might be cuz i was swallowing really hard the whole time... haha...

[punchbuggy]

Yes! Yes! Exactly how I feel! And I know what you mean about not being able to. That is how I found this site, I was actually trying to find a way to make myself . . . sorry if that is unthinkable. I just want to be normal. I'm actually jealous of people who can do it and then think it's no big deal. I've been afraid of this since I can remember! For me it's been seven loooong and n* years and it would feel good to get it over with but also terrifying.

It's also frustrating when people say "Well you didn't v* so you must not really be sick."

Arrrg!

I get jealous too , i always wish i would be able to do it with such ease , but unforunatly that hasnt happened yet

[jandub]

Yes! I posted about this not long ago. I will fight the n* for hours and hours, and then I cannot take it anymore, and will get ready to just freaking do the deed.....and nothing. I have even been so desperate (after pizza and margaritas in particular) to feel better that I put my finger down my throat after sitting by the toilet for hours, and nothing. A couple years ago I got my son's sv, and he happened to be in the hospital for dehydration, and it was my worst nightmare because I wasn't home where I could take an anti-emetic, and the hospital would only give me mylanta. So I fought it all night, walked up and down the halls, ate ice chips, cold washrag, anything I could think of. Nothing at all helped, and I was so tired of the intense n* that I sat down and just let it come. My stomach heaved three times, and nothing came out, and this with a belly full of pizza. (I'm sensing a pattern here.) It was frustrating because I'd felt the heaving that comes with v*, which is the worst part for me, yet I didn't get the relief. And right after, I was n* again. I finally ended up having so much d* that I was near passing out, and I went to the ER downstairs and they gave me an iv and anti-n* drugs. I was still n* for a couple days after, because I had so much food in my gut and didn't get it out. I was really frustrated. So, really long story to tell you, ya, I know what you mean.[img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img] Janna