I am a phoney...

[silver]

I thought that I was doing so much better emet wise over the past months. I felt like I made so many advances and was really proud of myself. I thought that I was doing well with all oftheexposure therapy that I have had in the past couple of months...I was wrong. I am such a wreck right now. I have spent every day wondering if I am going to get the sv* that day. My IBS has been TERRIBLE lately and I can't eat anything without it going warp speed out the other end. I still do everything like go out, go to work, go shopping, etc...but my anxiety is horrible right now. I guess that I am right back where I started and I am pissed off about it. I want to get past this sh*t and have a normal life and not be afraid all of the time. I am tired of my stomach hurting and tired of being afraid. This fear has gotten to the point where it is stupid and I am so sick of it. I am scared to death of it, but I would puke anyday just to make this fear go away. I feel so frickin out of control right now and I am so frustrated with myself for being so stupid.

[johnlp]

Silver


You are not a phoney. Emets is a condition that is hard to overcome, not impossible but it is hard. Don't discount what you have learned and what you've done to try and help yourself. you said so yourself that over the past months you thought you were doing better. Well you were.


I've been this way for over 30 years and I've tried it all from hypnosis, councelling, meds (made me feel n* so I got off them). I'm not sure if you ever get "over" it but you can learn to controll it better. That is what I have done. I have improved over years of setting my mind to wanting to be better. But believe me when it hits me it hits me hard. But you will get past it. Just ride it out like a bad storm and brighter days will come. Just do what you are doing now...talk about it and know that it will be ok.[img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

[silver]

Thanks for the support, I am having a really rough time right now. I think that for me when I am stressed in other areas of my life the emet just gets worse too. I am just so sick of being afraid all of the time...this isn't the way to live life. Unfortunately the more pissed off I get at myself about it, the worse it is...I am not sure if that makes any sense. I guess that being angry with myself over my emet and anxiety problems in general isn't going to help. Do any of you ever get really angry with yourself over your emet sometimes??

[kasey]

I understand...John couldn't have said it any better...Dang, he should be a therapist.


My Emet gets completely out of control when I am stressed out...I hate high stress situations because I know that my Emet is about paralyze me.


Do I get angry with myself? Like you wouldn't believe...I HATE myself sometimes because of this phobia...I am full of anger...I get full of rage also...You are not alone at all. I have my good days and my bad days...It is a storm, like John said, and you just have to ride along...I just try to maintain a positive attitude and have a little blind faith, which is the hardest faith in the world to have.


I hope you feel better and I hope your night is full of laughter and joy.

[melissarene]

Are you kidding? I think we ALL go through this. I've been going through that just the past couple of weeks, myself. I know how irrational it is. I want to stop it. I feel like a freak. That's why it's a phobia. It's an irrational fear that we know is stupid but can't get over. They say only an average of 20% of adults are treated for phobiasand actually do not go into relapse. 20%. It's kind of a depressing number, but I try to pick myself up each day and pray that someday I can be a stat myself.

[johnlp]

Kasey, you flatter me![img]smileys/smilies_02.gif[/img] I'm having to take my own advice today. Was having a MEGA BAD EMETS attack earlier![img]smileys/smilies_11.gif[/img]

[kasey]

Kasey, you flatter me![img]smileys/smilies_02.gif[/img] I'm having to take my own advice today. Was having a MEGA BAD EMETS attack earlier![img]smileys/smilies_11.gif[/img]

You ok now?

[kayron]

This time of year is so bad for all of us. When you are under the Christmas stress of buying presents and going to parties, it is hard enough. Then you have to hear about all of the stuff going around. It really puts it front and center. It's hard to relax and just BE. I have an anxiety book that says when you feel a panic attack coming, you should try and float through it. Recognize it, but just ride it like a wave til it passes. Try to just ride the wave. Remember, this too shall pass. I am riding the winter wave all the way to spring. I HATE WINTER!

[carri]

I am with you on this!


I feel the anger and the sadness..it's a pain in the neck that is for sure. It butts in just when you don't need it. It can change your whole day..and make you feel like you are on a roller coaster.


Recently I went to my child's dancing concert (something I love to do) and I found myself thinking 'sick' thoughts at a time when I just wanted to sit back and enjoy and escape withthe music and the dancing.


I enjoyed reading your post..everything you said rang true in my head! All the best.

[colourfuldemise]

Like everyone else said, you definitely aren't the only one to 'relapse'. I went through a bad week a little while back, and am sorta going through one now. But someone told me the other day that when dealing with something like this, you have to take a relapse as a reminder that you can get better, you HAVE gotten better and you will get there again if you just keep working through it.

Every time I get down on myself about this I just try to remember that 20 years ago the 'success' rate of being cured of a phobia was something like 5%. And now all you have to do is look through the posts here and you're bound to find dozens of people in this community alone who've managed to break free of some, most or all of this phobia! We just have to keep working through it and hope that we'll see a day when we won't suffer from the fear and anxiety.[img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

[5cats]

I think one thing that makes this phobia so hard to overcome is that v*
is something common, unlike a fear of snakes, which could easily be
avoided. Unfortunately, our phobia is tied to anxieties about
germs, and the lack of control when going into a public place.
Even a fear of heights (which I also have) is a piece of cake compared
to emets. I think because we feel the hammer could fall at any
time, that makes it worse. With heights, you don't "suddenly" end
up at the top of stairs or a mountain. But with emets, your body
produces feelings that make your fear 100% worse and this can happen at
any time. Many of us also have IBS or sensitive tummies and that
only adds to the fun. [img]smileys/smilies_05.gif[/img]

I wouldn't feel the least bit like a phony. Our phobia happens to be a more difficult one to overcome.