Having a Pity Party

[californiagirl]

Sorry guys, I'm having an icky time here and am crying, and just wanna share my feelings with caring people.


OK, as most of you know, my stepson is staying with us, and has been for 2 loooooong months, following a car accident he was involved in. Well, he's an a** most of the time, stinks, and just plainly annoys me (he's 18). He is staying inn our spare room, and the stench in there is overwhelming! My house is always spotless so this really bothers me. He only showers every couple of days or so, and when I do laundry i notice that he will only have 4 or 5 pairs of underwear in the hamper. There are 7 days in a week, so he is wearing the same pair for a couple of days **shudders at thought**. He doesn't brush his teeth in the morning, only at night, so all day, especially in a closed car, we have the pleasure of being gagged by his breath! I am the only one who takes him to all his dr. appt's, lawyer's appt's, etc. This week, my daughter has finals and I have lots of work (from home thank goodness), and couldn't take him to his appt's, so postponed til next week. he wasn't pleased, but oh f***ing well! So, I wwant him gone because his mere presence is wearing on me.


Next issue: My selfish brother in law. We just got a Christmas card in the mail from him, and he sent a check with it. Well, the envelope was addressed to my hubby only, and inside the card wrote, "John, go out and buy something for you and the kids!". There was NO mention of me in there at all. WTF?? And what kids? Hubby's kids only or his kids AND my daughter? This man has always been real uppety and selfish, and thinks his s**t doesn't stink. I never liked him, but he doesn't know that because I've always been very helpful and nice to him. I sent out Christmas cards, and to all of the family units, including his, I put everyone's name on them to be fair to everyone. I can't stand people--certain people, because no matter how nice or helpful you are, someone always sticks it up your a**, you know?


I started crying like a dummy, because I'm tired of being treated like crap. Hubby's daughter did a number on me, his son is a s**t, and the in-laws suck. When we lived in Mass., we'd visit my in-laws and hubby's friends, and they'd even make racial jokes, KNOWING that my daughter and I are the object 'race' of the jokes! Ugh, I just wanna move to a place where no one knows where we are. Anyone ever feel like that?? Thanks for listening/reading

[SimplyMe]

Aww, Charlene, I'm so sorry. Uh your step son will live if he's postponed a week, that or he can get a cab ... he must expect that you have a life OUTSIDE of caring for him, he's 18 and can get a friend to drive him or something if it's that big a deal. How much longer til he can move out/be better?


Forget your bro in law ... I know its easy to say but he isn't worth it. You don't want money from him spent on you or your daughter anyhow. Some people are just rude and thoughtless and always will be, concerning yourself w/ people like thats opinions/actions is a waste of good energy.


You aren't a dummy, its a stressful time of year as it is and having to play nursemaid to an unkempt dude and deal w/ your dopey in laws doesn't help. Be thankful you have wonderful, healthy, happy kids to and family to spend Christmas w/! You KNOW your kids are wonderful and that you are a wonderful Mom and they love and appreciate you! You are raising better than thos eyou are tolerating! Enjoy that! Forget the dummies!

[sage]

That sounds like it totally sucks. I recommend a good cry, wallow in your pity-party for a while til you can't stand yourself, then make a life-plan of some sort and lay down the law with others as to how you will or will not tolerate being treated. Start with your husband!


Take care, and I hope you're feeling more positive soon.

[sage]

Oh ya - I was gonna say like...for instance..."I am not willing to drive you to any appointments unless you are showered and your teeth brushed". That kind of thing. I-statements, but clearly self-defining ones!

[californiagirl]

Aww, Charlene, I'm so sorry. Uh your step son will live if he's postponed a week, that or he can get a cab ... he must expect that you have a life OUTSIDE of caring for him, he's 18 and can get a friend to drive him or something if it's that big a deal. How much longer til he can move out/be better?


Forget your bro in law ... I know its easy to say but he isn't worth it. You don't want money from him spent on you or your daughter anyhow. Some people are just rude and thoughtless and always will be, concerning yourself w/ people like thats opinions/actions is a waste of good energy.


You aren't a dummy, its a stressful time of year as it is and having to play nursemaid to an unkempt dude and deal w/ your dopey in laws doesn't help. Be thankful you have wonderful, healthy, happy kids to and family to spend Christmas w/! You KNOW your kids are wonderful and that you are a wonderful Mom and they love and appreciate you! You are raising better than thos eyou are tolerating! Enjoy that! Forget the dummies!

AWWW--you almost made me cry--in a good way!!!


Thank you! Stepson can't go to the dr. with a friend, because we're afraid he'll get high while out and come back here, in which we'll have to kick him out. I don''t care if he gets kicked out, and the only reason he has to stay here longer (UGH!!) is because we have a lawsuit pending, and hubby wants to make sure SS is here so we can "oversee" the legal stuff, because hubby is liable for all the med bills that the insurance on't cover, and wants to make sure they're paid out of the settlement, so we have to babysit him!! Hubby stilll had SS under our health ins. when the accident happened--I warned him to remove SSfrom the policy because I knew SS would do something stupid and cost us $$$, and I was right! He was drinking that night, and so was the driver--idiot. So, I am soooooo tired of this crap and want him and his smell gone and our liability paid! So that's why thi si frustrating too, because SS is so irresponsible, we have to constantly be on his a**!


Thank you so much for the nice words -- You're right, I am so happy to have the kids that I have. My daughter, even though she's 15, is a dream. She's such a good person. My two sons who are 18 and 20 will be coming over too, so I am anxious to see them


As for BIL--he is such a jerk, and someday he will "get his". He has a dysfunctional wife and kids, so he gets what he deserves.

[johnlp]

I agree with Sage! Leverage that shower option! [img]smileys/smilies_11.gif[/img]oooo stink is BAD!


Bless your heart! Hang in there!

[californiagirl]

That sounds like it totally sucks. I recommend a good cry, wallow in your pity-party for a while til you can't stand yourself, then make a life-plan of some sort and lay down the law with others as to how you will or will not tolerate being treated. Start with your husband!


Take care, and I hope you're feeling more positive soon.

You're right--it does start with hubby. He needs to support me a little more, that's for sure. OMG--I am always looking out for everyone else, then forget myself. Sometimes it all catches up with me and I break down. Then I feel guilty. I HAVE to see my daughter and hubby happy and content before myself, and sometimes it is hard because there are times when I need to sit (bad back), have a headache, work to do, etc., and they just don't understand! I get tired too.


I've been confronting stepson alot lately--like, CHANGE UNDERWEAR EVERY DAY, open the window because it smells in here, eewwwww, didn't you brush your teeth?!?, etc. Then I feel bad that I'm being mean, but jeez, this is disgusting! I've told him to to keep his bare hairy guerilla feet off my couches! YUCK.

[californiagirl]

I agree with Sage! Leverage that shower option! [img]smileys/smilies_11.gif[/img]oooo stink is BAD!


Bless your heart! Hang in there!

Thanks John---yes, stink is bad!!! My daughter tells him all the time to shower and brush his teeth. Pretty bad, considering she's 15 and he's an adult!

[daffodil]

(((Hugs))) Charlene. I agree with all of the above, especially the bit about the poor hygeine. Ugh! I wouldn't want his stinky-ness in my car either. Yuck! I hope he's outta there soon.

[californiagirl]

(((Hugs))) Charlene. I agree with all of the above, especially the bit about the poor hygeine. Ugh! I wouldn't want his stinky-ness in my car either. Yuck! I hope he's outta there soon.

Thanks DAFFODIL!! Ugh---good thing my seats are leather and not cloth!!!! I have wiped them down with Lysol wipes alot!!! hehe

[katsamsmom3]

step son would be out.......bil would be written off





my sister is up to old tricks by bad mouthin me TO MY KIDS!!!! she is 38,,,GROW UP!!!!


Me and DH decided she was not worthy of a Christmas Present this year. We spent the extra$$ on my neice instead.

[californiagirl]

OK, I don't get YELLING angry too often, but last night, THIS happened:


I heard Jr. telling hubby that he needed to "talk" to him about something. I was on alert, because he was NOT gonna pull a fast one on me. I may be paranoid, but MOST of the time that I feel someone is sneaking behind my back, I'm proven to be right!


Well, Jr. finally walked out of his stinky room, and lingered in the living room with hubby. I just knew he was waiting for me to get in the shower before "talking" to hubby. Gee, I was right! I started the shower, then decided to listen by the bedroom door at what they were talking about. I heard Jr. ask his dad if he could do something that I had told him NO to earlier in the day. Bastard! Then, he asked hubby why my daughter and I always talk crap about the sports teams that he likes (story about this below), and said that when we "dog"' on his teams, he just feels like telling us to shut the f**k up! Of course hubby didn't say anything.


So, Ifinished my shower and told everyone that we needed to have a discussion-now! Hubby looked like a deer caught in the headlights, and Jr. had the classic "oh s**t" look on his stupid face. This of course gave me more ammo. I started yelling at Jr., "Ok, John, now that Britt and I are here, why don't you tell us what you wanna tell us when we talk about your fave sports teams....!!!!!" Nothing. Everyone froze. I said to tell us now or him and his crap will be out on the driveway in seconds. He stumbled and lied about what he said, then said, " Brittani's a 'rat', she's lying, I didn't say anything". I yelled again that Britt didn't hear or tell me anything--I was listening by the door and heard it myself. Man I was pi**ed!!!!!!!


I then told him that when I tell him NO to something, he is NOT to go ask hubby the same thing behind my back. If he does it one more time, out he goes. I said that he will get nothing by me, and that I will know and hear everything that goes on in my house--he doesn't have to like it, but does need to respect it. Guys, I seriously want this nightmare to end. SOOOOOO BAD. I walk by his room, and even with the door shut, I can smell the stench in there! My sis is coming on Jan. 12 for my b-day, and her and her hubby will be staying in that room, so on Jan. 11, I need to open the windows, spray 3 cans of Lysol in there and air it out!!! Jeez! He will be in the living room while sis is here, awwww-too bad!


The sports thing---hubby and I like rival teams, and Jr. likes hubby's teams too. Well, I love football, and when our teams play, we always make fun of each other's teams. It's all in fun, and we've done this for years!!! But Jr. takes it personally because he has no life!!! Now we can't joke around anymore! I think I still will though. He needs to get over it.


Help????????

[x hannah x]

Since I'm closer to your stepson's age than yours it seems to me that he might not be getting the best deal in this arrangement either.


Obviously I don't know the whole story but it'sclear that you two don't get on and it's got to be hard on him as well as you. I know that if my dad remarried and I didn't get on well with my stepmum I would have a hard time being expected to respect her, as I remember you were angry that your hubby said he didn't have to respect you.


Maybe when he asked his dad for permission to do whatever it was you said no to it was because maybe he felt like his opinion was more relavant because he's actually his father. I'm not saying thats right, I'm just trying to see it from his side.


I think the two of you need to have a proper talk, not just humiliating him in front of his father when, to be honest, I'm not sure you can claim the moral highground after listening in on a conversation your husband was having in private with his son, if my mother did that I would be furious, would you do that toyour daughter?I know that you're having a bad time with all this but it sounds like he's hurting too, maybe he feels ganged up upon with this sports team thing for a start.


I know that you see it as having your life invaded by this person, but think what it's like for him, I'm guessing he sees it as having his time with his father invaded by you, especially if the two of them can't even have a privateconversation.


Just trying to present the young person's point of view.

[californiagirl]

Since I'm closer to your stepson's age than yours it seems to me that he might not be getting the best deal in this arrangement either.


Obviously I don't know the whole story but it'sclear that you two don't get on and it's got to be hard on him as well as you. I know that if my dad remarried and I didn't get on well with my stepmum I would have a hard time being expected to respect her, as I remember you were angry that your hubby said he didn't have to respect you.


Maybe when he asked his dad for permission to do whatever it was you said no to it was because maybe he felt like his opinion was more relavant because he's actually his father. I'm not saying thats right, I'm just trying to see it from his side.


I think the two of you need to have a proper talk, not just humiliating him in front of his father when, to be honest, I'm not sure you can claim the moral highground after listening in on a conversation your husband was having in private with his son, if my mother did that I would be furious, would you do that toyour daughter?I know that you're having a bad time with all this but it sounds like he's hurting too, maybe he feels ganged up upon with this sports team thing for a start.


I know that you see it as having your life invaded by this person, but think what it's like for him, I'm guessing he sees it as having his time with his father invaded by you, especially if the two of them can't even have a privateconversation.


Just trying to present the young person's point of view.

I understand your points, but I need to clear a few things up. Jr. and I get along fine, always have. BUT, I never liked his way of living--gangs, drugs, drinking, and he's been arrested quite a few times. So, morally, I did the right thing by agreeing to have him here after his accident to help him out, even though I was uneasy about it. I am the only one who takes him to dr. appt's, lawyer appt's, and makes his 3 meals/day. So, yes, I do think he is getting a pretty good deal in this arrangement. He also has him own private room. So, about him not getting the best deal, is inaccurate, especially since the weekend of his accident, the people he was staying with at that time were getting ready to boot him out also for his disrespect and "thug" ways. I am not the only one who feels this way about him. Oh yeh, and I need to mention that he never even called his dad YEARS prior to the accident either, but we're the ones that helped him afterward.


Second, as for his dad's opinion being more 'relevant' than mine is wrong also. If my hubby and Jr. expect me to take care of him, then my 'opinion' damn well better matter, and I don't expect hubby to step over what I say, and he does the same for my daughter. if he tells her NO, she doesn't come to me for a more 'relevant' answer, she respects what he tells her and doesn't play us against each other. That is just not a good way to live under one roof, playing one parent against the other.


We have had tons of proper talks since he's been here. Hubby and I haave told him what we don't allow in our house, and Jr. just went on and did these things anyways, is that right? No. i did not humiliate him in front of his dad, you are way off base there. Hubby and I joke all the time about the teams, and really don't take it seriously. I am NOT ganging up on him, that's ridiculous.


[b]All this being said, Y

[jandub]

Whew, this is a tough one, I can relate to you somewhat-I married an older man with a teenage daughter. I love her, I always did, but one thing that I could not tolerate was bad behavior and her doing something crummy and him not standing up for me. You have to remember that when you're married, your spouse comes first. Having said that, I tried extra hard to make her feel special, maybe too hard even, buying her too much, letting her get away with too much. But your stepson needs to know that you and your hubby are a team, and if your hubby doesn't hop aboard, then that will make it more difficult. There were some times when my hubby just tried to keep the peace and made some wrong decisions with her when it came to disciplining her. It really caused problems. But we decided that no matter how old she was, if she was living under our roof, its our rules. And before we came up with a punishment, we talked together privately, and she knew that we were in agreement and she couldn't take daddy aside and bitch to him. I feel for you, I really do. You need a vacation! I say its family meeting time, but you and your hubby have to be on the same page, I hope he knows that. Hang in there! Janna

[californiagirl]

Whew, this is a tough one, I can relate to you somewhat-I married an older man with a teenage daughter. I love her, I always did, but one thing that I could not tolerate was bad behavior and her doing something crummy and him not standing up for me. You have to remember that when you're married, your spouse comes first. Having said that, I tried extra hard to make her feel special, maybe too hard even, buying her too much, letting her get away with too much. But your stepson needs to know that you and your hubby are a team, and if your hubby doesn't hop aboard, then that will make it more difficult. There were some times when my hubby just tried to keep the peace and made some wrong decisions with her when it came to disciplining her. It really caused problems. But we decided that no matter how old she was, if she was living under our roof, its our rules. And before we came up with a punishment, we talked together privately, and she knew that we were in agreement and she couldn't take daddy aside and bitch to him. I feel for you, I really do. You need a vacation! I say its family meeting time, but you and your hubby have to be on the same page, I hope he knows that. Hang in there! Janna

Thank you, I appreciate your understanding and support!! You know how I feel! Yes, you are exactly righ, in that it is hubby and my rules, and they need to be respected. That's it, if Jr. doesn't like it, I don't give a damn. I will not allow some thug to come into my house and tear me down and "take over". It happened with hubby's daughter, and I will not let it happen again. Soon he willl be gone, and I will have my household back. I can't wait!!!!!

[SimplyMe]

Wow! I agree w/ you on the reasking the other parent, step or not. That's a game all kids play w/ their parents and as long as the rule goes both ways when it comes to your daughter then I don't see a problem. Kids need to know the parents are a united front and a no from one is as good as a no from the other. Next time he should just ask his dad first if he's that worried about it.


As for football, I hate sports so whatever lol. I know people take it serious but since you and your hubby have an ongoing joke about it who cares? Maybe get him in on it so he can joke back some about your team then he won't feel like his is being singled out. Maybe it's cuz i'm not a sports fan but I don't see the big deal lol.


I don't agree w/ the eavesdropping however from prior things you've said about your hubby I can see why you'd be tempted. I'm sure it's difficult for JR as well tho, like hannah said. Especially having been "on his own" (even if it was sh**y circumstances) and then come to live w/ rules under someoen elses house is difficult.


It will be over eventually. Try and keep your chin up and do the best you can w/ a sh** situation.





HEHE Jandub I think you and I posted at the same time lol. Agreed.Edited by: SimplyMe

[suze]

Just out of interest, what is the relationship like between your daughter and your husband? I mean, is he allowed to discipline her, or do you feel that's your job? Does she ever try to play one off against the other? I mean, don't all kids do this?Do you feel he deserves the same respect from her as you?


I'm not being contentious here, honestly, I'm just wondering whether your husband has the kind of relationship with your daughter that you expectwith your SS.


Before I split with my husband, I had a teenage step-daughter. Thankfully she never caused any problems but I always felt that it was her dad's role to tell her off, not mine. I don't know why, I mean I did all the cooking, picking her up from school stuff etc., but at the end of the day, the father needed to take responsibility for his daughter.


Sounds to me like the biggest communication problem is between you and your DH, and not you and your SS. You should be singing from the same song sheet on this one and he should be backing you up.

[californiagirl]

Just out of interest, what is the relationship like between your daughter and your husband? I mean, is he allowed to discipline her, or do you feel that's your job? Does she ever try to play one off against the other? I mean, don't all kids do this?Do you feel he deserves the same respect from her as you?


I'm not being contentious here, honestly, I'm just wondering whether your husband has the kind of relationship with your daughter that you expectwith your SS.


Before I split with my husband, I had a teenage step-daughter. Thankfully she never caused any problems but I always felt that it was her dad's role to tell her off, not mine. I don't know why, I mean I did all the cooking, picking her up from school stuff etc., but at the end of the day, the father needed to take responsibility for his daughter.


Sounds to me like the biggest communication problem is between you and your DH, and not you and your SS. You should be singing from the same song sheet on this one and he should be backing you up.

Oh yes, he is allowed to discipline her. I support that, as he is her only "dad", and he supports her. They have a decent relationship. Hubby isn't an affectionnate person, and she wants more of that, but overall, I do insist that she respects him and does have to abide by any rules he sets.


Hubby and I have had issues with his kids. His daughter was horrible when she was here, he would work all day leaving me to care for her, which I did. Then, when a problem would arise, he "didn't wanna hear it", so he chose not to address the issues, go to bed, wake up, go to work, and leave ME to deal with her crap another day. I did think that was very unfair. I know for a fact that he, in no way, would EVER do for my sons what I've done for his kids. That hurts me alot. For a long time, I was the only personn his kids trusted, because hubby and their mother didn't wanna deal with them. So, for me to ask for respect in my home from them, after all I did for them, isn't unreasonable. And like I said, yes, I do expect the same respect from my daughter for hubby.


Step-kids are hard, especially when you nurture them and then they turn on you as soon as you set rules and boundaries.

[x hannah x]

I just think the issue I have with this is the concept of expecting respect from someone. Respect cannot be demanded, it has to be earned, and it can be very frustrating to be told who you should and should not respect when really that's a conclusion you shouldbe able to come to.

[californiagirl]

I just think the issue I have with this is the concept of expecting respect from someone. Respect cannot be demanded, it has to be earned, and it can be very frustrating to be told who you should and should not respect when really that's a conclusion you shouldbe able to come to.

Respect CAN be demanded by a parent, boss, or other authority figure. Respect WILL be demanded in my home, when I and hubby are feeding, clothing, and caring for someone. Respect does not have to be earned by a parent, it is expected and should be given in the home they are paying for. It's easy, if he doesn't "choose" to respect me, he, his crap, and his stench are welcome to leave! And he full-well knows that now. 2 of my own kids are grown and gone and my daughter respects and abides by our rules. I don't allow disrespect from my own kids, and sure as h*ll won't tolerate it from anyone else's.

[grelvia]

How is evrything? Any progress on the problem?

[californiagirl]

How is evrything? Any progress on the problem?

Hi--thanks for asking


Well, as it stands now, Jr. has been set straight by me that night. I'm usually not a mean person, but hubby's kids just bring out the worst in me! I am pretty sure I got my point across to him, and he knows now that he will be thrown out in a second if I feel the need to do so. I am fed up with him, so bad, you wouldn't believe. Last night, I cried so hard and couldn't even eat dinner. I didn't sit at the dinner table with them either. I am just disgusted and tired, I just want him to leave. Even with his door closed, I can smell the stench of his room when I walk by it. Now, when he leaves here, I have to be afraid that him and his criminal druggie friends will come and "jack" my stuff. He knows what we have in our house, and my BMW is parked in the driveway every night, because hubby's car gets the garage. He has threatened my dogs too, so I'm worried he'll break in and do something to them. I hate this. I wanna move away after he leaves.


I'm tired of crying, breaking things and burning dinner because I'm so nervous, etc. all I can think is that it will be over soon, then I'm buying a gun JUST IN CASE. See, his friends broke into his mom's old house, set little fires and punched holes in walls throughout the house, THEN they stole their car, took it for a joyride, totalled it, then somehow put it back into the driveway.


So, should I be scared? Probably. I hate his kids, and always will. For good reason. Ugh, so to go on so much......

[chicajojobe]

Okay, I'm closer to your step sons's age too, so I agree with Hannah about the respect issue. Sure you can demand it all you want, but that doesn't necessarily gurantee you'll get it.

HOWEVER, that being said, I think you more</span> than deserve it in this situation. You're absolutely right. He's living in your house so he should behave properly. I also don't agree with the acting out because you're the step parent thing. He's 18 not 8. He's too old to be acting that way, but, then again, it doesn't sound like maturity is his strong suit since he was complaining about you saying bad things about sports teams. Sports teams? Give me a freaking break! [img]smileys/smilies_12.gif[/img]

I also think sage's suggestion is a good idea. Just lay it out for him that his personal hygeine may technically be his own business, but he won't be allowed to ride in your car unless he's showered, teeth brushed, and has on clean clothes.

[californiagirl]

Okay, I'm closer to your step sons's age too, so I agree with Hannah about the respect issue. Sure you can demand it all you want, but that doesn't necessarily gurantee you'll get it.

HOWEVER, that being said, I think you more than deserve it in this situation. You're absolutely right. He's living in your house so he should behave properly. I also don't agree with the acting out because you're the step parent thing. He's 18 not 8. He's too old to be acting that way, but, then again, it doesn't sound like maturity is his strong suit since he was complaining about you saying bad things about sports teams. Sports teams? Give me a freaking break! [img]smileys/smilies_12.gif[/img]

I also think sage's suggestion is a good idea. Just lay it out for him that his personal hygeine may technically be his own business, but he won't be allowed to ride in your car unless he's showered, teeth brushed, and has on clean clothes.

Thanks!!! Oh, and I know what you mean about the sports team thing---jeez, get a life, you know??


And you're right, just because I demand respect, doesn't mean he'll give it, but when he doesn't, that's when he's out on the streets, and I just won't care anymore. Thank you so much for saying that I do deserve respect from him, I appreciate that and agree with you.


The hygeine thing, yeh, I will have to say something, because I either have to smell his sweat, or his pungent breath from the back seat! It literally gives me that gag feeling in the back of my throat, and it's too cold to roll the windows down.

[jandub]

See I was raised that you always respected your authority figures though. I mean I've never been on the step-child side of it, so I don't know how that feels. But even if her step son hated her and she was horrible to him ( I know you're good to him, but just a point) he still should have some respect simply because she is his elder and he is living in her house. I guess I mean as the parent, and the bill payer, I don't think of it as me having to earn the kids respect. It should have already been there. But that is an issue that dad may have to take up. Now, as a step parent of a two teenage daughters and a step grandma, oh ya, 32 years old and a grandma, I know that there is a lot of pride swallowing and frustration when it comes to how I feel about it at times. I tried to make it work, and it did, but it was rocky, and I had to take it up the a** a lot. A whole lot. BUT.....demand respect. They can hate you, they can talk bad about you, curse your name behind your back, whatever-but in your house under your roof with you paying the bills and being the parent, the respect should be there. You earned it long before he moved in. [img]smileys/smilies_02.gif[/img] Janna

[grelvia]

Sounds like he needs a good ass kickin'! j/k





Well what does your hubby say? Does he agree with you or just isn't involved?

[californiagirl]

Sounds like he needs a good ass kickin'! j/k





Well what does your hubby say? Does he agree with you or just isn't involved?

Yes, he does!!!!


Well, hubby andI had arguments about it, but he is becoming more alert to how his son does act. He also knows that if I say he's gone, that he won't argue with me about it, because i will have good reason to kick him out. We already caught him downloading porn too, AFTER we specifically told him tha was allowed in our house by him. Punk!

[californiagirl]

See I was raised that you always respected your authority figures though. I mean I've never been on the step-child side of it, so I don't know how that feels. But even if her step son hated her and she was horrible to him ( I know you're good to him, but just a point) he still should have some respect simply because she is his elder and he is living in her house. I guess I mean as the parent, and the bill payer, I don't think of it as me having to earn the kids respect. It should have already been there. But that is an issue that dad may have to take up. Now, as a step parent of a two teenage daughters and a step grandma, oh ya, 32 years old and a grandma, I know that there is a lot of pride swallowing and frustration when it comes to how I feel about it at times. I tried to make it work, and it did, but it was rocky, and I had to take it up the a** a lot. A whole lot. BUT.....demand respect. They can hate you, they can talk bad about you, curse your name behind your back, whatever-but in your house under your roof with you paying the bills and being the parent, the respect should be there. You earned it long before he moved in. [img]smileys/smilies_02.gif[/img] Janna

Sounds like you've been there too! Thanks for your understanding. Oh, and don't feel bad, I became a grandma at 36! [img]smileys/smilies_03.gif[/img]

[chicajojobe]

I just had an amusing thought. I bet if you start making him clean up before his appointments, his doctor will get down and kiss your feet!

After all, if the smell is so bad just sitting in the car with him imagine having to get close enough to examine him. [img]smileys/smilies_30.gif[/img]